weight loss diaries

Weight loss diaries: I hired a personal trainer.

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Hi, it’s me again. Or should I say it’s me, finally!😜. Now, I know I’ve been missing in action for weeks now, well five to be more precise but I’ve got good reasons. The quarantine situation finally got to me and I went into an unexpected hibernation fueled with carbs and Netflix and chill accompanied by my favourite partner in crime namely dear husband. As we speak he looks like an English bulldog and I look like a French bulldog. To prove my point I also might have grown a second chin double chin in the process. To think I was ahead of the pack just a few months ago😒 but I got cocky and slipped (You can read all about it here: How to get back in shape after the holidays: Take One )

By now, I am sure you’ve realized I am the sort of person who knows what to do but simply refuse to do it even if it’s just to save her own waistline. Besides, as a certified Libra nothing gives me more pleasure than telling people how to live their lives while secretly failing at mine 😎😩.

Now rest assured I did not hop online just to talk about my double chin although I’ve hooped online for much worse (read here: Life update) This time, I’ve got news, worthy news! Faced with the prospect of going trough summer looking like a bag of mashed potatoes, yours truly hired a personal trainer. Not an ordinary one. No Sir! I hired those ones that look like a walking demonstration for no pain, no gain. I had my first session yesterday. I came in looking cute and I left looking like I’ve been caught in a tornado. Here is an excerpt of our convo:

Trainer:” Now you’re going to walk for a little while then we’re going to alternate jogging and running”

Me: “Well, I much prefer walking, like I walk 10k a day so…”

Trainer: “OK…well, today we’re going to alternate jogging and running.”

Me: ….😲😞

I took a brief second to remind myself that I am not here to do what I want to do but to get results…

At some point during the workout:

Trainer: “Now we’re going to do pushups.”

Me: Goes down on mat and starts to get into position to perform a girl push up which are my preferred ones by the way. I find the man pushups a bit manly. (Insert chubby girly girl emoji here🩰🎀).

Trainer: ” What are you doing?”

Me: ” A girl pushup…”

Trainer: “Today we’re doing real pushups.”

Me: “Oh…but…ok…”

This morning I was so sore when I woke up. I was this close to believing someone beat me into a pulp in my sleep last night. Did I mention I am keeping her? Yes. She’s definitely worth keeping. since she’s obviously immune to my bull.🙄

We’ll see how that goes. I’ll try and keep you updated on my progress.

Talk to you soon guys! Bisous! 😘🐍

Weight loss diaries: Forever trying to lose weight

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“In life, there are times when you’re gonna be as skinny as a celery stick and times when you’re gonna be as fat as a sack of mashed potatoes🤦🏾‍♀️. Get used to both cause starting over is the name of the game. “

The other day, I caught myself being pissed at myself (breaking news😂). It seems every year I find myself trying to lose 5-10 Pds either because I am skinny and ungrateful (never skinny enough which can be a disease in itself😩) or fat and delusional (surprisingly when I am really fat that’s when I think I have the least amount of weight to lose🙄). Sometimes I feel like I spend my time fighting petty diet stuff in my head all day long.

Hence, this excerpt of a convo I’ve had with myself so many times it’s not even funny anymore:

Husband makes homemade hamburger buns and instead of saying “Thank you” and enjoying said burgers here I am once again going around in circle in my mind:

Lower self: “I am going to eat two burgers. I am starving!”

Higher self: “Eat two but take one as an open bun. Less carb...”

Lower self: “You don’t have to do that, it’s homemade. Take two full buns.”

Higher Self: “You’ve been gorging on carbs for two days now on the account of it being homemade.”

Lower Self: “Life is short, Covid have thought us that much so take two buns and add some chips while you’re at it.”

Higher Self: “Ok, so now we’re adding chips too?“

Lower Self: “They’re air -fried sweet potato and yucca chips, you fool! Doesn’t get better than that.”

Higher Self: “Fine! Eat them you weak thing! Just don’t come crying to me when Summer hits and you’re looking 3 months pregnant.”

Lower Self: “Shut up you pessimistic bully! She can always google how to dress a pregnant belly when not pregnant.”

ME: 😲😲😲😲😲🤕

And just in case you’re wondering how that ended, just know I ate the two full bun burgers plus the chips and some desert. To tell you the truth I felt like I deserved it after that intense session of self-flagellation.

Now, what’s the point of this story you may ask: Well, there are two points to this story:

  1. First one is to make myself feel better for using “homemade” as an excuse to overeat.
  2. Second one is to tell you, in case you’ve been lately incline to do so yourself , that it’s a long road and there’s not point beating yourself to a pulp with the celery stick. The goal is to be happy and fit not a miserable dry pepperoni. Nobody has ever accomplished anything by beating themselves up. It’s a work in progress( I should probably record that last bit and keep it close by for when I am having a bad day🙋🏾‍♀️)

Plus, like I tell myself all the time: At the very least, it’s homemade!

Naturally I would be a hypocrite if I did not mentioned the extra pounds are gonna be “home-gained” as well…at the very least😉😋