“I’ve always envied people who meditate… It’s like the most grown-up thing to do; like saying no to that second glass of wine cause you’ve got to get up early for work the next day.”

Like I said grown-up stuff. Consequently, it was only a matter of time before I tried it myself. So one day, I woke up and told myself: I am ready. I was already enrolled at the YMCA so I just showed up to one of their early morning meditation class. I made sure to come in early to get a good spot. Just a tad bit far enough from the stage to exit quickly in case I happen to get bored out of my mind.😉

While everybody was getting ready to enter nirvana and make love to their center I was thinking to myself: “The teacher lost a ton of weight. Would she tell me if I asked her nicely? I don’t think she lost all that weight just by doing yoga…maybe if I tell her how much I love her class class, she’ll tell me exactly how she lost all that weight…”

In the middle of my pondering, enters a young woman, early 30’s. We’ll call her miss Yogalate. She had what I called to soft tofu look: Long, lean and all in soft curves. This kind of look is often paired with what I called the marinated Tempeh face (kind of like someone low key sucking on a lemon). She was wearing a loose top with matching yoga pants and carrying a highly pedigreed water bottle.🙄

Our eyes met. She approached my corner of the room and started spreading her mat all over as if I was renting a corner of her bedroom. I moved my mat a tiny bit further out to counter her effort at pushing my mat too far out. She looked at me and asked with raised manicured eyebrows:

Miss Yogalate: “Is this your first class?”😏

Me: “Yeah..does it show that much?”

Miss Yogalate: “Oh no, it’s just that we’ve been welcoming all sort of people here lately…so…”

In her presence, I felt like one of those flies that live exclusively on dead animals.

Miss Yogalate: “I was wondering….can you move your mat just a little?”

Me: “Sorry if I move it any further I won’t be able to hear the teacher.”

She  thought about it for a while and then a genius idea hit her: “Tell you what, she said, there’s a spot right by the teacher in front. Why don’t you move over there? You’ll be much closer plus she’ll be able to keep an eye on you…”

Me; “No thank you. I have the perfect spot. right here…that’s why I try and come in early…”🐍

To cut the whole t hing short, I turned around and started busying myself, getting ready for the class. I could still feel her eyes on my back. Finally, the teacher announced the class was starting. Saved by the bell.

Unbelievable. Coming in all late and wrong and still expecting priority seating.

Turns out the meditating wasn’t bad at all. Since it’s the first class I wasn’t necessary able to even scratch the surface of my center but I am open to give it another go if the opportunity rises. All in all I would do it again😊

You can also read about my first art class here: THE SADDEST ART CLASS I EVER TOOK

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