life lessons

The single fastest way to live more in the present

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Most peeps would say it’s meditation. These are the grown-ups. The same people that retired before 40, do yoga every morning and drink 16 gallons of water a day🐍. Naturally, being a free spirit, it would not be my immediate answer to the question: What is the single fastest way to live more in the present?

My answer: Get a living thing and take good care of it. Now by living thing, I don’t mean a plant that you can casually murder and use as click bait on your dating profile to endear yourself to your future ex. No, I mean a breathing, living thing that can bite and scratch like a dog or a cat. Or a bird or any other small animal depending on the amount of space available.

“Told you she was cute and abusive”

In June, me and my husband got a dog. An extremely demanding little dog named Rhubarbe. Our lives have changed so much since then. For one thing, we’re more relaxed and we laugh more. We also play a lot more. Mostly due to those sharp teeth which she uses freely whenever she wants to play and we’re not displaying enough enthusiasm 😩. With her around, no matter how hard I try I can’t stay mad or sad for long.

She wasn’t ready for my needy ways😂

A loving animal however small can pull you out of your head and Bring you back to the present moment. I think this is the best thing that could have ever happened to us this year considering how tough the whole year has been.

Rhubarb Sitting like the good little dog that she is not😩

What about you guys? If you had to pick a single fastest way to live more in the present, what would it be? Please share below!

Bisoux and talk later!😘🐍

The problem with finding your “passion”…🙄😣

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“Major sacrifices will be required and we’re not talking blood of lambs here…”

Last week was my birthday and I am conscious I was all over this space singing the praise of gratefulness and the value of counting one’s blessings and I meant it….except…🤦🏾‍♀️. Today I am coming to you with a rant. If you’re beginning to think human beings default mode could be unwavering ungratefulness, you are not alone dear friend.

“Follow your passion and you’ll never work a day in your life”

This is such a load of bull (excuse my bitterness😩). If you look at the real root meaning of the word “passion”, it means : “Suffering, enduring,” from past participle stem of Latin  pati  “to endure, undergo, experience,”…The notion is “that which must be endured.” – Etymonline

“The sad truth is your passion is not going to save you from hard, back-breaking, numbing work. Passion or not you will not escape sacrifices. On the contrary you will have to make even more sacrifices than people who do not insist on skipping to work every day.”

If you think this is depressing wait, there’s even more heartbreaking news coming your way. Hard work is hiding everywhere, even behind this lovely passion of yours so choose carefully; because you won’t be able to work hard on everything all at one.

Most likely while you’re working hard on your passion, your relationships are disintegrating due to neglect. Hard work is most definitely hiding behind this soul mate you think you may have just found; hard work is also hiding behind this new exciting friendship you’re just developing; it’s even hiding behind these beautiful Pinterest inspiration boards (God damn it!). It’s been hiding for decades behind this lovely “boss lady” dripping in brand names and standing in a power pose that could put the incredible hulk to shame(ATTENTION: Stressful, dishevelled nights alone not pictured🙄).

Which is why it’s important to try and prioritize those things that are really important to you and refrain from wanting to win at everything cause the minute you win at something, you lose at something else. You can’t keep all the boats afloat.

So take solace in hard, backbreaking work if you want that passion as much as you say you want it; if you want that relationship as much as you say you want it; if you want those red soles as much as you say you want it; if you want that architectural digest home as much as you say you want it.

Bisoux and talk soon😘

Grateful to be another year older.

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“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” –

Anonymous

A few days ago (October 10th) I turned 33, I mean 43😋. Oh my, how time flies! Usually at this time of year, when my birthday comes around I’d be depressed, wondering why am I allowed to continue such unaccomplished, failed-to-meet-every-expectation-set-by-my-parents’ life. But this time, something different happened: I got tired of bashing my own damn self; it finally dawn upon me that well, 43 years has passed and another 10 may very well passed and find me still bashing myself for reasons that sometimes don’t even make sense.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” —Robert Brault

What I am about to say may sound cliché to the point of possibly making you puke but clichés do hold a lot of truths. So I realized (I mean I always knew but somehow it never fully clicked until now…) a few things:

I am never going to be as young (and foolish😋) as I am now. Now, later on I might be better, look better but one thing for sure: I’ll never be 43 again.

Of course when you think about it this way I do wonder why in the hell have I not been celebrating all year long instead of waiting to the very end and get all mushy and grateful. But such is the human condition (mom, is that you speaking?🙄); sometimes I think our sole mission on earth as humans is to turn this simple thing called life into something so complex we can barely make it through.

in Dale Carnegie’s book How to make friends and influence people, there’s a chapter titled: Would you take a million for what you have? Whenever I feel a bout of ungratefulness coming up I make it a point to do this little exercise; I ask myself: If somebody were to give me a million for, say my beautiful eyes, would I take it? Would I exchange what I currently have for what I think I may not have or might have missed? Of course not! This simple exercise helps me put things into perspective and realize I have more than enough.

Now I am not sure if I’ll feel the same way once I hit 80! I can only hope to be lucky enough to hit that milestones with a full head of hair, great health and the people I love besides me!

Growing old can be a blessing if don’t insist on being a martyr☺😋

The high cost of being the bigger person

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The high road and all the things in between…

“The problem with being the bigger person is over time, you really do become a bigger person….you basically become fat. Why? Cause you’re so busy trying to one-up mother Theresa on the throne of goodness and light you just don’t realize your emotions have been eating you up the whole time.”

Spoken like a professional “bigger person”.

The past few weeks have been really stressful. I usually like to view myself as the eye of the storm, the peaceful warrior, a classy person, a lady, the person with the bright smile under pressure. Unfortunately, this fabulous bubble I usually like to build around myself was violently busted. I found myself being hurried, busted and wait for it…SWEARING😱…yes, swearing all the freaking time. Which makes me think a lot of behaviors we’ve come to consider as character traits are in fact products of our environment. Last week I found out it’s very difficult to remain a lady when dealing with shitheads (here we go again swearing🙄) over an extended period of time.

“Put yourself often enough in other people’s shoes and pretty soon even your own shoes won’t fit. So stay in your own damn shoes!”

I was discussing a particular stressful situation I am currently experiencing with an acquaintance of mine and he advised me, if I can, to take the high road and try and buy some peace for the time being. It was good, sensible advice except sometimes peace may end up costing you way more than a full-on war would.

“Take the high road they say…be the bigger person they say…Over the years I’ve realized the high road is not all accolades and bright lights. In fact, the high road is full of hair loss,  tooth decay, cystic acne, wrinkle and bitterness.😓”

Spoken by a person who can’t seem to get off the high road…

In life we do a lot of things for a lot of reasons. Sometimes these reasons are right and sometimes they’re wrong but whatever the reason, there’s always a cost and the cost of any action even small is life. With any action, life is either gained in terms of a fully, happier life or life is lost in terms of loss of quality of life, regrets, bitterness and sometimes even diseases. So before you try and be the next mother Theresa think carefully of the cost cause there is certainly a cost which I am pretty sure even mother Theresa had to pay. If you’re thinking of buying peace know that sometimes peace costs more than war. This was my two cents when it comes to being the bigger person and all the stuff in between…

After this civilized rant I can only hope I’ve helped a tiny bit in getting you ready for Monday by sending you guys out into the big bad world all selfish and petty:😏😼) Thank you for reading and talk soon! Gros bisoux!

Life is a marathon, not a sprint!

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“If life’s a bitch isn’t it better to sprint through the crap than taking a leisurely walk?

I used to hear people say that all the time (Life is a marathon, not a sprint) and it used to get on my nerves. Why can’t life be a sprint? Now with a couple of hard-earned lessons from the school of hard-knocks under my belt, I am forced to realize there is some truth in that…

Growth is the law of life. You see it never stops. You reach a goal, that goal creates a new goal which creates new levels which creates new devils. Of course there is also satisfaction and joy somewhere in there however brief.

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint so get comfortable in the fight cause you don’t get to pause that hamster wheel just because you think you’ve made it. Some things take time. You don’t get to rush them. You can simply work your hardest and wait.”

Now this does not mean we shouldn’t try to solve our problems as fast as we can. Some of life puzzles can be solved rapidly if we work hard and smart, it simply means not all things can be solved as fast as we want it. Some things take time no matter how hard we work and how fast we want to go through them. Things like keeping healthy, building strong ties with family and friends, knowing self and finding something one is good at are ongoing challenges and do not stop just because we’ve reached a milestone or have been crowned 30 under 30 (Insert slightly bitter over 40 emoji here).

There’s no guarantee so take time to enjoy the scenery and smell the flowers along the way.

There is no guarantee. Just because you spend every waking moment building your dreams, relationships and health doesn’t mean they’ll last or that you’ll even get to enjoy them. Death happens to us all. Sickness happens to all of us. People change. Which is why it’s important to enjoy life while chasing that goal and make time for living.

I must say it took me a long time to get there as I sincerely thought I could speed up everything. But recent life events have forced me to reconsider.

What about you my dear readers? What do you think? Do you consider life to be a sprint or a marathon? There’s no right or wrong answer. Gros bisoux 🙂

So what if it has already been done before?

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“It’s about taking chances, growth and overcoming.“

Last Sunday I had an interesting conversation with dear husband on the subject of doing things that have already been done before. That day, I’d just had one of the most productive afternoon (during which I edited a blog post The challenges of being an introvert. ) and tackled other content related stuff. Naturally, I just couldn’t wait to get home and receive duly praise:

Me: “I had such a productive day today! It felt so good to finally tackle some stuff.”

Dear husband: “I am so proud of you, honey! You’ve got this! You just need to keep going.”

Naturally, with such an overwhelmingly positive reception I proceeded to overextend myself by making grand plans to take over the world in the next 48 hours🙄🤯.

Me: “Thank you honey! I am also planning on posting more often say like twice a week and maybe add some type of style content to the blog. We’ll see!”

DH: Complete silence. The sort of polite and respectful silence you’d give a dying patient making plans for the future. 

Me: “Hello?!! What do you think?”

DH: “You mean like a What I wore today kind of thing? Everybody’s doing that!”

Me: “Well, would you prefer I do a what I did not wear today instead?” I said frustrated.

DH: “Well, I am sorry for interrupting your world domination plans with a dose of reality but somebody’s got to be the voice of reason in all this!”

Me: “Right now, you’re sounding more like the voice of doom!”

DH: “All am saying is you have something good here so tick with it. Don’t chase too many things at once.”

Vexed and irritated, I retrieved into an honorable silence to lick my wounds. 

The man does have a point considering I’ve been known for getting overly excited and then quickly dropping into sudden desperation. BUT on the other hand…

There’s absolutely nothing new under the sun. Most everything have all been done before and done to death. Should that stop you and me from engaging in something we may possibly end up loving? Certainly not! Easier said than done, I know😅.

“Sometimes it’s difficult to be original from the get go and find the right angle from the outside, so we should get into the habit of getting involved in things that interest us and cultivate them with no expectation other than learning and having fun. Detachment from the outcome is key here.”

Last but not least, we must remember that it hasn’t been done until we’ve done it (Insert smug and overbearing emoji here). 

Fun fact: Sex is one thing that has been done and done to death yet this has never stopped anyone from indulging…🤫

What about you, dear readers? Have you gone through a similar thing? How did you handle it? Please share! Gros bisoux and talk soon!🐍😘

The cult of perfection: waiting for the perfect whatever…

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Dear reader, I sincerely thought I had learned this lesson but my recent obsessions clearly show I haven’t so here I am again talking about the same thing in an effort to try and convince myself that I’ve actually learned something along the way….I sometimes feel stuck in a constant relearning cycle. Do you sometimes feel the same?

According to Shunryu Susuki, a Zen monk and teacher who helped popularized Zen Budhism in the U.S.:

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities but in the expert’s there are a few”.

Let’s take a leaf from zen budhism, let’s talk about “shoshin”. According to Wikipedia “shoshin” is a word from Zen budhism meaning beginner’s mind. It refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject at an advanced level, just as a beginner would.

What would we become if we weren’t afraid of failing? If we weren’t afraid of making a fool of ourselves? If we weren’t afraid to begin? If we weren’t afraid of judgement? If we were convinced we had something to bring to the table even when we don’t even know what that is? The possibilities would be endless, wouldn’t they? Lately, I’ve been thinking about all the missed opportunities in my life, all because I have the very bad habit of waiting for everything to be perfect to even consider beginning anything. Well, except for this blog because I had my husband on my back 24/7.

This reminds me of conversations I have with my husband all the time:

Take One: We are out shopping.

Hubby: “Look at that top, honey it’s off-shoulder and would look great on you.”

Me: “Well, my shoulders are too meaty…once I lose those pesky 10 pounds yeah, most definitely…”

Hubby: “Oh, I think I get it now (with the bright face of someone who just solved a complicated puzzle)! “

Me: “What? what is it? (Waiting with great anticipation)”

Hubby: “Correct me if I am wrong but your life is basically on hold until you lose those 10 pounds…right?”

Me: “(greatly annoyed because it’s the truth) You make it sound so bad the way you say it.”

Hubby: “If it sounds bad, it’s because its bad!”

Take number 2: Discussing my instagram account which I have yet to feed.

Hubby:” Why don’t you publish something…anything on your instagram account?”

Me: “As soon as I lose a couple of pounds, I will…”

Hubby: “????!!!!!!(Deep frowns…clear signs he’s struggling to grasp the concept.)”

Me:” Well, right now I look like a pregnant mouse in most of my pics…”

Hubby: “You’re kidding, right?”

There you have it! The theme song of my life: Always waiting for the perfect time, the perfect moment, the perfect day, the perfect weather, you name it! It’s a vicious circle and pretty soon you find yourself paralyzed.

Most often, we are waiting to be perfect to show up but guess what? You’re never going to be perfect. You’re never going get better until you start because you only get better by doing. The only way to get a shot at perfection, if that’s even possible, is by doing. So go do you. Maybe I should print this and keep it in my wallet as a daily reminder 🙂 I have a feeling I need this advice more than you guys, lol.

Gros bisoux and talk soon!