THE IMPORTANCE OF LOVE LANGUAGES

“Don’t treat people how you yourself would like to be treated, treat people how they themselves want to be treated. There is a big difference…”

What is love? Love means different things for different people for sure. We all have different ways of showing and receiving love. I suppose it all boils down to love language. To me love is action. I can see it’s the same for my husband as well except we take different actions to show we care. I have noticed people have a tendency to express love the same way they would like it expressed towards them.

“I’d say my love language is pretty simple…I inspire meaning I am your muse.

As a muse the contract is simple: You’ll do all the work and I’ll take all the credit.”

When I love someone I tend to see them in their best light. The problem with leaving under a constant “best light” is that falling short is always around the corner. Sooner or later all gods begin to show their human sides.ย  My kind of love is:

  • I direct, encourage and grow. Sounds like a an agent, I know. I believe it’s my duty to advise people closest to me. If that sounds like a high-priestess of hype forgive me, I am a Libra after all…๐Ÿ™„
  • I protect by making sure no one takes advantage of or abuse the people I love except myself if course๐Ÿ˜œ. My husband calls it “isolation tactics”๐Ÿ˜‚.
  • I multiply by encouraging you to be the best that you can be meaning you won’t have a moment of peace until you go for that promotion…. just like I instructed told you.
  • And last but not least I inspire which means I am your muse for better or worse and as a muse, the contract is simple: you’ll do all the work and I’ll get all the credit. Which maybe why dear husband usually calls himself my “appointed caregiver”.๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿ

My husband’s love language

He likes to do things to make my life easier and to make me feel taken care of. That may mean picking me up at the bus station so I don’t have to take the bus when it’s awfully cold. It can be preparing a nice meal or getting me something I might have expressed a desire for. As you can see this man’s love is fully grounded in the practical. Which makes you wonder about my own love language…but like I said I am his muse, right?๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ’…

In the end it’s about loving a person the way they want to be loved and appreciated.

What about you dear readers, do you think love languages are important in relationships? Is it important to understand each other’s love language within a relationship? Please do share. Bisous and talk soon!๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜˜

The best time to say I love you

“Love is like success, it may appear magical and liberating but there is hard core, soul-breaking work hiding right behind it. Most of us are shocked when we discover the true meaning of love. Disney clearly lied to us.๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ก”

Valentine’s Day is that time of year when people with great difficulties expressing feelings find themselves at great peril of being coerced into uttering these three little words: “I love you”.ย Some people say you have to mean it to say it. Some say you have to deeply feel it to say it. Some say you have to wait for one person to say it and only then can you say it.๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ™„

Is there a “best” time to say I love you? Personally, when in a stable relationship, I prefer to say I love you:

  • Early mornings right after waking up or late at night just before going to bed. This way I can not be held responsible if my actions fail to match these three little words later in the day๐Ÿ™„.ย 
  • At the airport, during the last boarding call, this way one of us won’t be here (at least for a couple of days) to live up to these three magic little words. Or better yet by the time we’re together again we can act like nothing happened.๐Ÿ˜

All jokes aside, whenย  it comes to saying “I love you”, there are a few things I’d like to emphasize:ย 

  • First of all, me think there should be deadlines involved. You can’t put your life on hold waiting for someone to express their “feelings”. You could say something like: “if by next Valentine’s day I don’t hear these magic words, don’t call me even if you’reย  bleeding on the floor and 911 is not answering๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ”. Sounds a bit extreme, I know but you get the idea…
  • “I love you” should automatically come with some kind of promise or commitment. If you don’t hear some kind of promise or commitment after these words don’t believe them. I repeat do not believe them. I also suggest you nicely and respectfully threaten I mean discuss “the possibilities of giving each other space to process the next step of the relationship“. And don’t just threaten them any day. Threaten them on special days like Valentine’s and your birthday, the anniversary of your first date together, first movie, first ice cream cone, whatever, you get the point.๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ Do not beg. I know it’s not easy to do especially when that biological clock is hanging heavy down one’s neck…but do try.
  • Now after hearing all this you must be asking say yourself “What about love?”. Well what about it? Let me tell you love is like success, it may appear magical and liberating but there is hard core, soul-breaking work hiding right behind it. Most of us are shocked when we discover the true meaning of love. Disney clearly lied to us. ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ’ƒ

What about you, dear readers? What do you think of the whole thing? When do you think it best to say “I love you”?. Should there be deadlines when it comes to saying “I love you”? Should it come with some type of commitment or promise? Please share your thoughts!

Gros bisoux and don’t forget to enjoy valentine’s day! Talk soon!๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜œ

What’s the weirdest thing your spouse has ever done?

What’s the weirdest thing your spouse has ever done? Were you shocked, impressed or simply disgusted?

“Some things can only be explained by silence or absence. So I chose to disappear from his line of vision for a bit…you know to give him time to reconcile his past idea of me with this new version that does not quite match his expectations ๐Ÿ™„

We all have things we do that seem “normal” to us but may appear “weird” to someone else. Especially when you’re living in close quarters with that much desired other half. Every Little thing you do gets examined and questioned๐Ÿ™ˆ. It’s almost like living with a two-year old who’s always full of questions๐Ÿ™„.

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I must say even though I may look perfect I too have some “weird thing” in my closet. Hard to believe I know, since I am just so damn perfect most of the times๐Ÿ˜‡.

I actually remember my husband’s exact face the first time he came face to face with that not so stellar version of me. We were having supper as we usually do most nights while watching some kind of TV show. For us super is usually chicken or fish plus aย  salad. That time it was chicken and salad.ย  We’d just finished demolishing most of a whole chicken when, true to my single-years self, I naturally started chewing on the chicken bones (specifically the thigh bones):

Me: (at this point I am not talking but sounds of chicken bones being crushed and chewed can be heard)๐Ÿ™ˆ

Dear other half: (Not talking at this point either. Staring at me intensely probably both shocked and mesmerized that such small and dainty creature is doted with such strong jaws).

Me: (For those of you interested, the whole process can be a very consuming enterprise. At this point, I am literally in the zone…)

Dear other half: (Still staring at me intensely, still a tiny bit shocked but mostly fascinated.)

Me: (Finally realizing I am not alone):” Are you ok honey?”

Dear other half: “…is it a cultural thing??!!?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Dear other half: “Chewing chicken bones into powder form?!….”

Me: “Well, I…”

He was looking at me like someone who’s just been forced to realize his idol was not only human but a human with questionable behaviour ๐Ÿง. I didn’t know what to stay. How do you explain something like that? I couldn’t even explain this to my own damn self even if I wanted to.

Me: “hmmm…yeah…you may be onto something here… Could totally be a cultural thing…”

Dear other half: (still waiting for a logical explanation that’s clearly not coming).

Me: “Well, let me take the plates upstairs so we can have more room here…

Some things can only be explained by either silence or absence so I decided to disappear from his line of vision for a bit…you know to give him time to reconcile his past idea of me with this new idea of his lovely little wife crushing chicken bones with a vengeance and purpose that would put a horror movie flesh-eating creature to shame. Like he said it could be a cultural thing….who knows?

What about you dear readers? What’s the weirdest thing you or your other half has ever done? Did it change your idea of them? Please do share!

Don’t miss tomorrow’s post on “The best time to say I love you in honor of Valentine’s day! Gros bisoux ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ

 

How to feel like a winner fast: Small wins

SMALL WINS

“If you look closely you’ll see life is seldom made of those big, huge victory moments but rather small tiny steps towards improvements.”

Last week I had such a terrible week filled with waiting and anxiety and doubt and complete hopelessness. I felt exhausted and so lost. I hate feeling lost, unsure of the next step, unsure if I can even take another step. I truly believe in times like this everybody should have a list of small wins for when you need to feel accomplished and centered fast, sort of like a quick pick-me-up built-me-up. If you look closely you’ll see that life is seldom made of those big, huge victory moments but rather small tiny steps towards improvements.ย 

I am talking about small wins.ย  I am not talking about running a marathon while you’ve barely left the couch in the past 10 years. The key point here is it has to be something that makes you feel good and accomplished. It should be a list of small but significant actions that can be done quickly. Naturally that list is going to be different for each person.

A FEW THINGS ON MY LIST OF SMALL WINS (don’t judge me, ok?๐Ÿ™„)

  • Looking at my husband and realizing how much I’ve lucked out with this one… Let’s not say that out loud lest he starts feeling too cocky…๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ

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  • Working on a blog post even if it’s just for two minutes makes me feel empowered and I actually tend to be much more efficient when I know I only have 2 minutes. Plus knowing it’s only 2 minutes takes away my excuses not to do it. Quick confession: It also makes me feel very cocky๐Ÿ’ƒ
  • Doing my nails๐Ÿ’…: Now this may not seem like much but considering how many people walking around with nails that would put Shrek to shame, I’d say it’s a pretty big accomplishment๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜

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  • Sporting a full face of makeup early morning (emphasis on EARLY MORNING please!) when most people look like they haven’t left their bed since 2019๐Ÿ๐Ÿ’ƒ. Yes, I like looking like I tried….
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“Feeling smug: Thank you mama for those lips!”
  • Comparing my skin to people who are supposed to be younger than me but yet look at least 10 years older….I am petty I know…๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜

What about you dear readers? What are the smallย  things you do to feel accomplished and centered fast? Do share, please!

Gros bisoux and talk soon๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜˜

When somebody you love does something truly disgusting.

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“The face you make when you’re trying to act like it didn’t happen.”

Last week my niece called me at work in the middle of the afternoon. My heart skipped a bit and my mind automatically went into overdrive: Something terrible must have happened. Did something terrible happened? OMG! Something terrible did happen….(Yeah as you can see I have issues…๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜‚).

Me: “Are you all right?”

Niece: “Yes, of course!”

Me: “Then why are you calling me in the middle of the day at work?”

She never calls me mid-day weekdays. She either calls me early morning while walking her dog Yuki or late at night. Never in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday.”

Niece:” Don’t worry, nobody died! But guess what?”

Me: “What? Spit it out!”

Niece: “Yuki just ate a dead rat.”

Me: “Ewww! Yuki is badass! I am both disgusted and impressed.”

It’s like learning somebody you took for granted cheated. You’re both disgusted and secretly impressed.

Niece: “Don’t say that! I am horrified and traumatized. I’ll never look at her the same ever again”.

(Soft dramatic music playing…๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜Œ)

Me: “I understand. It’s like overhearing your preteen talk about sex. Something is lost that can never be recovered.”

Niece: “OMG! That’s exactly how I feel!”

Me: ” But where would she find a dead rat though?”

Niece: “We were walking on the beach when we saw the dead rat. Before I knew it she lunges forward, grabs it and run. I tried to stop her but she ran away from me. Can you believe it? The little rascal ran away from me!”

Me: “Makes sense….maybe she didn’t want to share.”

Niece: “Don’t joke with that! I am worried!”

Me: “Sorry. Did you call the vet?”

Niece:” Yeah, she said it’ll pass through her poop or vomit. Plus she has a checkup coming up soon so we’ll see…”

She sounded so disappointed at this point and I am trying hard not to laugh.

Niece: “Can’t believe she did that, I am truly horrified!”

Me: “Very disappointing. After all the money you spent teaching her to be human.”

Niece: “I know…..Well I got to go to work now. Talk to you later?”

Me: “Sure! Let me know how it goes and don’t worry, she’ll be fine!”

Apparently Yuki just got her first taste of crime. Just like most people she did not personally commit the crime, she simply benefited from it ๐Ÿ˜‹. I’ll admit Yuki’s not the only one. After learning she was gonna be all right, I immediately hurried to ask for a pic of the rascal for my next blog๐Ÿคซ๐Ÿ™„.

The thing is we all have felt the same in some way when somebody we love and thought we knew displays an offending behavior revealing a side of themselves we either didn’t know existed or refuse to acknowledge. And in that moment we think we’ll never forgive and forget but we do. Love takes over. Not all the time but sometimes it does.

What about you dear reader? When was the last time somebody you love and trust did something truly disgusting. And it doesn’t have to be a pet! Let me know in the comments and Gros bisoux!

So what if it has already been done before?

“It’s about taking chances, growth and overcoming.

Last Sunday I had an interesting conversation with dear husband on the subject of doing things that have already been done before. That day, I’d just had one of the most productive afternoon (during which I edited a blog post The challenges of being an introvert. ) and tackled other content related stuff. Naturally, I just couldn’t wait to get home and receive duly praise:

Me: โ€œI had such a productive day today! It felt so good to finally tackle some stuff.โ€

Dear husband: โ€œI am so proud of you, honey! You’ve got this! You just need to keep going.โ€

Naturally, with such an overwhelmingly positive reception I proceeded to overextend myself by making grand plans to take over the world in the next 48 hours๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿคฏ.

Me: “Thank you honey! I am also planning on posting more often say like twice a week and maybe add some type of style content to the blog. We’ll see!”

DH: Complete silence. The sort of polite and respectful silence youโ€™d give a dying patient making plans for the future.ย 

Me: โ€œHello?!! What do you think?โ€

DH: โ€œYou mean like a What I wore today kind of thing? Everybodyโ€™s doing that!โ€

Me: โ€œWell, would you prefer I do a what I did not wear today instead?” I said frustrated.

DH: โ€œWell, I am sorry for interrupting your world domination plans with a dose of reality but somebody’s got to be the voice of reason in all this!”

Me: “Right now, you’re sounding more like the voice of doom!”

DH: “All am saying is you have something good here so tick with it. Don’t chase too many things at once.”

Vexed and irritated, I retrieved into an honorable silence to lick my wounds.ย 

The man does have a point considering I’ve been known for getting overly excited and then quickly dropping into sudden desperation. BUT on the other hand…

Thereโ€™s absolutely nothing new under the sun. Most everything have all been done before and done to death. Should that stop you and me from engaging in something we may possibly end up loving? Certainly not! Easier said than done, I know๐Ÿ˜….

“Sometimes it’s difficult to be original from the get go and find the right angle from the outside, so we should get into the habit of getting involved in things that interest us and cultivate them with no expectation other than learning and having fun. Detachment from the outcome is key here.”

Last but not least, we must remember that it hasn’t been done until we’ve done it (Insert smug and overbearing emoji here).ย 

Fun fact: Sex is one thing that has been done and done to death yet this has never stopped anyone from indulging…๐Ÿคซ

What about you, dear readers? Have you gone through a similar thing? How did you handle it? Please share! Gros bisoux and talk soon!๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜˜

The challenges of being an introvert.

“Contrary to most people I don’t go out to meet people, I go out to be alone. My husband thinks it’s troubling. I think it’s a sign of great intelligence๐Ÿ™„.”

Me and dear husband we get along quite well but the longer we’ve been together, the more I realize how different we are on a lot of things. At first look I’d say I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. He likes being around people and I am more into pointed interactions (My husband says it’s a nice way of saying “I am antisocial”). Consequently finding a common ground can be quite challenging and makes for very interesting interactions…

Exhibit A: Me getting ready to go out on a Saturday morning.

Dear husband: “You’re going out to meet a friend? Cool!”

Me: “No, not really.”

DH: “Why not? Call a friend or something…”

Me:ย  “Why? I just want to be alone”.

DH: “Why go out then? Just lock yourself up in the basement and you’ll be all alone”.

Me: “No, I won’t. Because you’ll come knocking and bug me.”

DH: ” I am not sure how I should take this….”

Me: “Plus, unlike you I don’t need people to enjoy myself!”

DH: “Yeah..and that’s the scary part.”

Feeling like an alien, I then proceed to try and justify my behavior.

Me: “Well, I guess it’s a way of being social without having to interact with people…”

DH: “Not sure if you realize it but being social sort of implies having actual interactions with people.”

Exhibit B: Dear husband comes home all excited because he and some friends have planned some kind of couple outing.

Dear husband: “We’ve been invited!”

Me: “But why? Who did that?”

DH: “You’re saying it like somebody committed a crime or something?”

The last time we had that same discussion, he won so I remained silent.

DH: “Ok, you’re clearly not excited about the prospect. How about we invite them here?”

I don’t answer. I look as overwhelmed as a new mom who’s just given birth to quadruplets.

Me: “It’s gonna be worse! We’re gonna have to be nice and let them stay for however long they want…”

DH: “Well, you could try throwing them out…”

Me: “That would be one way of making sure they don’t come back….”

DH: “!!!??????” Clear signs of system failure showing on his face…๐Ÿคฏ

I am not gonna lie, being an introvert comes with its own sets of blessings and challenges. I sometimes think I’ll end up as an old insufferable cat lady who spends her time mumbling to herself๐Ÿ˜‚๏ฟผ. What about you dear readers? Are you an introvert or an extrovert? What do you find most challenging? Please share! Gros bisoux and talk soon!๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜‹