“Don’t go big or go home. Go small and stay in the game. Small or big, whatever you do, just don’t go home!”

Before you pull out the pitch fork and demand to know where I’ve been, I think a little life update is in order. As you all know, like the true high priestess of hype that I am, I live my life on a pedestal so much so that I sometimes get dizzy just talking to mere mortals :). Which may explain my tendency to think everybody is dying to hear from me :). So here’s a little recap for you.

I changed job!!!! Yeah. This is a move I’ve been thinking of making for a while now but there was one major roadblock: My own damn self. To be exact, I am blaming my lower self. Yes, I am willing to have split personality if it means carrying less blame:)

Below is a fine example of what was going on in my mind throughout the entire process of changing job. Let me introduce you to two of my best friends, my shoulder angels: Higher Self and Lower Self. Higher Self is the part of me that wants to grow and Lower self is the part of me that talks shit all the time and does nothing. So here we go:

Higher self: “You should change job. I know the people are nice but if you can do better you should push for better. Besides, you’re worth so much more and you can take up so much more. Let’s make a plan and start looking for a better job!”

Me: “You read my mind! I am ready for all the universe has to offer (In true exalted Libra fashion and with the confidence of someone who has absolutely no intention of keeping her promise to her damn herself.)!”

Lower Self: “You can do it! I believe in you! Let’s make a plan!”

Higher self: “We’ll start small. Sending 2 to 5 resumes a week should do the trick. No stress, just putting in the daily action and staying ready. This should be doable so that you don’t feel overwhelmed.”

Lower self: “Are you kidding me? 2 to 5 resumes a week? This is for the weak. I have a better idea: We’ll send (Insert any crazy unattainable number you can think of here) resumes a week!”

Higher Self: “No, let’s start with a number you can keep up with. I suggest…”

Lower Self: “Oh shut up! She’s a warrior, she can do it! Go big or go home! Big hairy goals, that’s what we’re after! No less!”

Me: (Feeling overwhelmed already): “No, I think Higher Self is right though, I mean….”

Lower Self: “Do you want this or not! You need big hairy audacious goals!”

Me: “Oh, ok…well, I suppose if that’s what I really want I have to be willing to make big sacrifices, so I’ll send (Insert any crazy number I have no intention of keeping up with here) of resumes a week, then……”

Lower Self: “That’s what I am talking about: Go big or go home!”

A month passes by and nothing. Nada. No resumes are being sent out. In fact, I even managed to duck a couple of calls from a few well-meaning employment agencies just so I don’t run the risk of having to actually go on an interview. Once gain, Higher self came to the rescue…

Higher Self: “So, about those resumes…”

Me: “Well, I’ve been thinking about it and Lower Self is kind of right. If I can’t go big, what’s the need? I’ ll wait and see if that’s what I really want…..”

Higher Self: “But that’s the thing though: Go big or go home is a scam. Instead why don’t you go small and stay in the game? Overtime it’ll pay off…”

Me: “Yeah, but I prefer to take big actions…I am an all or nothing person…it’s in my nature..(#stufflazypeoplesaynottogetshitdone).”

Higher Self: ” I understand. One quick question before I rest my case: How long are you gonna keep lying to yourself with a face as straight as an ironing board?”

Me: “!!!????

“I am an all or nothing person“…I say that a lot when I am not willing to put even the tiniest bit of action behind my goals. It usually go like this: First I would give myself big shiny unattainable goals with big and outrageous actions all planned out. Then I would get scared by my own outrageous goals that I set out for myself, panic, feel inadequate, hyperventilate and do nothing. And then I’d feel like a failure and the vicious circle would start over and over again. We are our worst enemies, I tell you! We truly are.

I am glad I was able to put some action behind what I wanted even when I did not feel like it. In the end everything aligned beautifully and I Thank God for that!

Dear reader, do you or someone you know suffer from Go big or go home mentality? I Would love to hear from you on that!

Bisous and talk soon!