Ensuring your happiness: Asking for what you want

”…If there was ever an Oscar for insisting on telling me what I absolutely don’t want to hear, I believe my family members would win it.’

I believe in establishing protocols for recurring activities, especially when other people are involved and by other people I specifically mean family members.

Why? Well, because this group of people tend to be high risk meaning they have the tendency of telling the thruth combined with a very low tolerance for bullshit. If there was ever an Oscar for insisting on telling me what I absolutely don’t want to hear, I believe my family members would win it. This can be grating long term, especially in days when I really need to be happy. Which can explain why I usually go to great pain to establish some kind of protocol when dealing with the special people in my life.

Situation no 1:

When Me and hubby are watching TV.

Context: So we are watching some random TV show and a super hot chick shows up in a random scene. My jealousy gets the best of me and I start bashing her (I know I should take the high road but I just can’t seem to, so I am allowing myself to wallow in despicable behaviours).

Me: ”Oh my God she is way too skinny….”

The hypocrisy! Considering I just can’t seem to lose these last pesky 10 5 pounds and the said woman is pretty perfect.

Husband: ”Complete silence

Me: ”She’s too muscular….”. Did you hear what I just said?

Hubby: ”I did! What do you want me to say?”

Me: ”Well, let’s see…you could start by saying that she is way too skinny and that I am hotter than she’ll ever be.”

Hubby: ”You’re kidding, right?”

Me: ”Okay, new protocol alert: When a super hot girl shows up on the screen and I bash her, you have to reassure me and bash her in equal measure…if not more.”

Hubby: ”Are you serious!!!?? You’re impossible!”

Me ”But you love me, don’t you?”

Hubby: ”Yes, honey, you’re the most beautiful woman on the planet and I do love you”.

Me: ”I am touched! Thank you honey, I love you too ”.

Situation no 2

I am out shopping with my beloved ”foot-in-mouth husband”.

Context: The sun is shining and I am feeling lucky. I am at one of my favourite stores and I am grabbing stuff for the changing room. Of course, I only pick medium sizes (I used to be a size small but lately being human just won’t let me go back to that sizeOf course, if you ask my husband, he won’t stick to that story).

By now I am heading to the changing room and start trying stuff on. Dear husband, ever the good Samaritan, comes running all helpful and hands me some sizes.

Hubby: ”Here honey!”

Me: ”But these are all large sizes…”

Hubby: ”Yes, I know, just in case….”

Me: ”Oh you mean just in case I forgot I was fat?

As you can see the poor man can’t win here.

Hubby: No, no, it is just that sometimes a larger size may look better!

Of course, like most people whose sole desire is to do good, he is forced to explain himself as if doing good demanded an explanation of some sort. But we all know in the real world, doing good comes with heavy consequences....

Me: :Well, I am not here to look better, I am here to feel better…”

Hubby: ”What? But?”

Me: ”Quick memo: when I am in the changing room, you are only to bring me sizes ranging from small to medium and nothing else.”

His eyes ran quickly up and down the dress I was trying. And yes, I was spilling out of it.

I stared at him for a long, long time and took a very deep breath.

Me: ”And yes, I don’t care if I look like an overstuffed sausage.”

The man seemed lost and I don’t blame him. But sometimes feeling better is more important than looking better. Don’t you agree?

So like I was saying if you want to be happy, you have to ask for it, you have to let them know how you like it. Nobody can read your mind and even if somebody could, they wouldn’t because people are naturally self-centered.

What about you, dear readers? Please tell me I am not the only who does that or I’ll feel like a self-centered little person.

Thank you for passing by and Bisoux.

What is your workout personality?

Back in the days when I was young, I used to insist on suffering through grueling workouts thinking the most important thing was to get result. I would love to report that with age I’ve finally realized the nonsense of it all but no, I am still the same, hence, this previous post: Workout that delivers: 30 min hit.

“In fact, there’s nothing I hate more than wasting an hour at the gym moving around like a chicken in labor.”

My husband is the contrary. As proof, one of our many, annoying “discussions” on the subject:

Me: “Well, honey have you joined the gym class you were talking about?”

Hubby: “No, I have a couple of friends who want to join so I am waiting for them?”

Me: “Why? You don’t have to wait for your friends. Go ahead and enroll. They can join later if they want.”

He looked at me like you would a vicious water snake.

Hubby: “No, it is more fun in group!”

Me: “This is exercise. Not a summer picnic!”

He chose not to answer. Naturally, nothing gets me going more than hubby not answering. So I pressed on, thinking falsely that victory is near.

Me: “Plus, when you go with people you have to be nice, you have to make conversations, say hi and bye and inquire about them even if you don’t give a damn. And then when you’re done you can’t just disappear you have to let them know even at the risk of having some of them follow you all the way to the bus station just because they’re going the same direction.” (Insert rolled eyes emoji here).

This time he sincerely looked puzzled. I could actually hear his brains cells trying to process that last piece of info. Had I said the same thing on a first date, I probably would have never heard from him ever again. The last time he was this shocked was when he realized house chores were not my forte.

When he finally answered. It looked like this:

Hubby: “I see…when was the last time you showed up at your “favorite” kickboxing class?”

The double-headed snake!!! Trying to get back at me for helping him get results. I felt betrayed and vindicated because, well, he was right! I couldn’t even begin to answer that question even if I wanted because truth is, it is been a long, long time I have set foot in that class. It was clear I wasn’t going to win round.

Me: “Well, for your information, I am planning on going back next week…..(insert head in sand emoji here).”

Hubby: “I see…but wait! Didn’t you say the same thing last week?”

Most people would have taken this as a sign they lost the battle but not me. Being a Libra, I am predisposed to ignore signs of danger in the pursuit of enlightening others. It ain’t over until I make a fool of myself. Please, don’t judge me. Some would call me a sore loser. Well, one person did. It was dear husband.

Me: “Touche! Well, you do whatever you want. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

This sentence must have been uttered by every sore loser on the planet while they are lamely scurrying away for cover. While I was trying to digest my burning defeat, the cold-hearted man finished me with that last sentence.

Hubby: “Well, I have no interest in self-torture so if you’ll excuse me I’ll go and play some video game.”

As you can see if dear husband is not having a lot of fun while exercising and I mean a whole lot of it, he won’t do it. Which brings me to workout personality. I know for myself when it comes to working out, if I am not suffering, I am not happy. I don’t feel like I am working out if I am not sweating like a pig. If I am not bitching before a training session, I am not happy either. In fact, there is nothing I hate more than wasting an hour at the gym moving around like a chicken in labor.

Of course, the downside of that is I don’t show up if I don’t feel like 100 percent, which would explain why I’ve been missing in action at the gym for weeks now. Not good. Not good at all. There may be a grain of truth in what the man is saying after all….

What about you dear readers? What’s your workout personality? How does it differ from people around you?

Don’t forget to share, like and comment this article to your heart content and talk soon!

Big love is fattening

They say love is two people looking in the same direction. I’ll add one more thing: love is two people steadily gaining weight together. If that’s the case me and hubby we are madly, terribly in love. We’ve been steadily gaining weight since our first encounter some four and half years ago and I have pictures to prove it.

This is me around the time I met my husband…..If you ask my husband I was just hungry and lonely, lol

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If you ask me this is the best I’ve ever looked. Skinny with no hair. Some haters would say I look like a boy about to hit puberty but I don’t care. While I was parading thinking I was the hottest thing since slice bread dear husband was desperate for me to put a bit of meat on those bones.

Our gaining weight together time line:

1) Our second date…as you can see I dressed to impress…

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2) Our first Christmas together

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3) Hubby feeling himself…

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4) me feeling myself….

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5) and finally the end ….

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Well, well, well, I’d say we’re busting out of happiness:) we have to keep it in check so if you’re in a relationship and you’re now double your weight consider yourself happy! It is understood  that we must do something soon or we wont make it to our 10 year anniversary.

 

My first time…First dates and the lies we tell

My first time meeting my now husband

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I was talking to my husband the other day. He had been pestering me for weeks about my book and my posting more often on this space:

Husband: “When are you going to finish that book of yours?”

Me: “Soon….I have to rework the entire thing…I have plenty of ideas…you know…”

Husband: “That’s not what you said on our first date….”

Surprised he would even remember, I laughed. He laughed in return.

Me: “Well, we both said things that did not turn out to be quite true…you for example…”

Husband:”No, I did not lie!”

Me: “Do you really remember our first date the exact way it happened or is this just your favorite version of it?”

We both smiled……

First dates and the lies we tell….I remember our first date like it was yesterday. We met at a coffee shop, a second cup to be exact. I told myself a coffee shop is safe, if he turns out to be a total dick I can escape quickly and call it a narrow escape. To be frank, I don’t remember half the stuff he said. I was way too busy rehearsing my half-baked truths. You’d think I was preparing to take a lie detector test or something:

Future husband: “So what do you do, if you don’t mind me asking”

I spit out a sentence so basic in its simplicity and so encompassing, it could make you puke. A sentence that means nothing and everything. If you say that kind of sentence in a penetrated way and you happen well-dressed, you’re pretty much guaranteed to appear intelligent.

Me: “Well, I took some time off of work to finish a project that’s very close to my heart.”

A little bit of silence to let my tortured artist essence penetrate every fiber of his being. I am not just anybody, I have a big hairy audacious goal that I am working towards and you better take notice, you mere mortal. Being out of work for a good six months with bills piling up was in no way as glamorous or enticing as I made it look. I was on a very efficient diet: Noodles with a side of stress. I was working on the book as a way to escape the stress.

Me:”I am currently working on a novel….”

Future husband: “Cool….what is it about?”

Me: “Well, it’s about having the courage to follow your dream and not let society dictate who you are and who you can be”.

At this point I could not resist a proud grin. The sort of grin you have when you just aced a school exam because you studied hard. Now that I’ve aced the first few minutes and established myself as a woman of substance worth pursuing, it was my turn to ask questions. So I begin, in a relaxed way.

Me:” I am sorry I was so focused on myself. What about you? I mean I saw on your e-harmony profile that you work in video game. Any side project?

Future husband: ” I am currently working an an album with a singer friend of mine. We have a couple of roughly edited songs…”

I didn’t hear anything he said after that simply because I was off to soulmate land.

I could already see myself flying on private jets, walking around in expensive sunglasses and bags looking slightly out of touch and bitchy. To me this was a match made in heaven. Two creatively driven individuals getting together as one in order to fuel each other’s dreams. (Insert David Bowie and Iman emoji here. I’ll wait).

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Needless to say that’s not how it all turned out.

He discovered my real dream was to live like the favorite pet of billionaire, spoiled and entirely provided for and I discovered that while he does have a couple of roughly edited song, he only works on that album every full moon. I discovered it was pointless to jump his back every time there’s a job opening in a faraway land and he learned not to be offended by the amount of time I spend in front of a mirror. He learned to be patient when I complain over and over about things I can but refuse to change and I learn to laugh on demand at his favorite jokes no matter how many times I’ve heard them. As you can see a match made in heaven.

I am learning daily the true meaning of loving somebody for exactly who they are and not what we want them to be because sometimes what we want them to be is not necessarily what they want to be. At some point we have to accept that.

Overall, we found love because we’re married now 🙂

What about you dear readers? I would love to hear about your personal stories and hide it all turned out. Gros bisous!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2019!!

Oh what a year 2018 have been! Lots of changes: Some I personally instigated and some I tried to avoid but which were nonetheless still thrust upon me like a forced, unavoidable cold shower.

As you see from the pic below, I finish the year strong, sound and asleep 🙂

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10 min before the New Year! Courtesy of dear husband who makes it a point to document my every move!

We had family over for Christmas and a very cute visitor ( my mother-in-law’s dog) which needed to be constantly walked. See pic below.

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I had made the mistake during one of our many food coma of promising I would help walk her during the day. Judging from the way I was dressed I thank God none of our neighbors were out that day or I would have certainly lost my “always well dressed” crown. Needless to say I walked her mostly at the back of the house. Unconscious of my fashion dilemma the little rascal kept insisting we go for a walk around the neighborhood.

I am welcoming 2019 with open arms and I am super glad I have made it to the other side.  In 2018 I made a lot of progress in many areas like my writing.  I was able to attend two writing workshops at Quebec Writer’s Federation: One on Dangerous characters and the other one on food writing. I was also able to organize six writing dates with other fellow writers. I want to continue on that path.

As for my novel I realized I didn’t have a first draft but rather a bunch of scenes. This is what happens when you get creative without a plan. Currently reading, Outlining your novel by K. M. Weiland to try and sort through the mess.

The main focus for 2019 will be health, nurturing family and focusing on getting a real first draft of my novel.

In 2019, I will also try and enjoy the ride and not stress too much just like our cat Cleo 🙂

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Bisous and see you next week!

My everyday jewelry

“As a Haitian, jewelry is an integral part of our core. In fact, there can only be two explanations for not wearing any jewelry at all: Either you’ve joined the extreme wing of some religious group or you’re in mourning.”

Kids ears tend to get pierced as early as one year old. Sometimes even sooner. In retrospect remembering that does make me smile considering a lot of people here don’t wear any type of jewelry at all. Although I must say in Montreal people tend to wear at least one piece of well-crafted jewelry since we are lucky enough to have a good amount of designers excelling in that field. So you could say not wearing any jewelry for me is against nature but I’ve been known to go without.

Below are a couple of shots of my go-to jewelry lately:

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Proof I’ve mastered my resting bitch face 🙂

Shot two

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Shot 4

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I am also definitely planning on spicing things up by piling on the bling a little bit more. We’ll see…:). Thank you for passing by and gros bisoux!

How to get some writing done when you don’t feel motivated

You can find my initial post here. I would like to revisit that post and add some more thoughts.

“Sometimes getting myself to do any kind of writing is like trying to get a kid to eat his vegetables. You have to find creative ways to get the job done. Sometimes he eats them whole but sometimes you have to puree it. Sometimes it takes 2 minutes and sometimes it takes the whole day. Some days you’re grateful if you can get a spoonful in and if you have to follow that kid around with that spoonful until he feels like it, then that’s what you’ll do. The most important thing is to get the job by any means necessary. The how doesn’t matter.”

  • Don’t give up on yourself: Be patient with yourself.

I recently had a revelation. I am at least 10 times more patient and forgiving with people close to me than with myself. Being a big proponent of self-love, that hit me hard. If I am not patient with myself: who will? I owe it to myself to be patient with myself in the race for meaning and accomplishment. The same way I have to get along with my boss (to some extent) if I want to keep my job, I need to be patient with myself if I want to last long enough to accomplish all of those things I have set my mind to. Therefore I have to make a conscious decision to extend to myself the same love, courtesy and kindness I so freely and gracefully extend to people who sometimes are not even worth an ounce of my time. This is definitely one thing I plan on working on.

2) Track your progress and action: Keep a list of all of your accomplishments

Nothing can motivate you as much as realizing how far you’ve come, how much you’ve accomplished. But for that to happen you need to keep track of all of your actions no matter how little. When you do get discouraged, because it’ll happen, all you have to do to get pumped up all over again is whip out that journal or that excel spreadsheet with the recording of all of your actions. It’ll serve as a breath of fresh air. 

3) Follow your natural curve of your excitement

Sometimes when we have things to accomplish, we tend to want to force ourselves to  observe a rigid schedule and forget to be watchful of those moments during the day where we seem clearly more motivated for a particular task.

As an example, I use to work on my novel early morning and I kept that schedule for a good while thinking to myself I was definitely a morning person. But lately I have been noticing that during lunch time I seem to have a burst of energy and excitement. I also tend to have another burst of excitement after working hours not a long one but enough to get some stuff done and make me feel like I’ve worked for myself that day. As a result of this observation I’ve switched up my writing routine a bit to work a minimum of ½ hour  on my novel during lunch time and another 40 minutes after work. If there seems to be moments when I feel particularly more inclined to work on something, I don’t question it, I just run with it.

4) Start with 2 to 5 minutes

There are days when I can’t seem to motivate myself to do any writing. In those cases which happen more often than I would care to admit, I just tell myself:”Fabienne, just do 6 stretches of 5 minutes of writing at a time until you totaled 30 minutes and give yourself the whole day to do that”. Once I totaled 30 minutes of writing I go and reward myself by watching an entire episode of Hercule Poirot.

Sometimes getting myself to do any kind of writing is like trying to get a kid to eat his vegetables. You have to find creative ways to get the job done. Sometimes he eats them whole but sometimes you have to puree it. Sometimes it takes 2 minutes and sometimes it takes the whole day. Some days you’re grateful if you can get a spoonful in and if you have to follow that kid around with that spoonful until he feels like it, then that’s what you’ll do. The most important thing is to get the job by any means necessary. The how doesn’t matter.

Thank you for passing by and gros bisoux!