Short Stories

This shopping addiction could be therapy…

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“When I was little, one of my dreams when I grow up was to shop until I faint. I do. I shop and dear husband faints (Once he realizes the amount of stuff, still with the tag on, I’ve got hiding in the back of my closet)“

I don’t know for you but I find shopping incredibly relaxing. Online shopping, that is. It allows me to clear my head, sort of like a mental flossing. Considering I am in a broke period of my life right now, I mostly browse online. There’s actually very little buying involved. Shameful, I know….Of course it would be nice if a black AmEx card could magically appear while I am doing so but, what can you do, eh? It’s clear I was born to suffer😞🤕.

With quarantine helping, my only solace now lies in filling and emptying my cart online either at H&M or Zara. I don’t actually empty the cart myself…someone (a sadist, no doubt) usually ends up buying the item. The way it’s done is just heartbreaking. The bought item appears crossed out but you can still see it.

H&M pleated faux leather skirt in green olive

Which usually sends me into a pity fest of ”why me😞” with pink violins playing in the back. The last time I woke up to find one my fav item crossed out, dear husband walked in on me, probably thinking I’ve just gotten news somebody died:

Dear husband: “What’s going on”?

Me: “Somebody just bought that olive leather skirt I just put away”

Dear husband: “Still buying stuff you don’t need?”

Me: “No, it’s not that. I mean I don’t actually buy them. I just fill my cart…it’s kind of my happy place right now…”

Dear husband looked sincerely relieved. His training is working. I am adulting big time and it’s all thanks to him. He smiles with the satisfaction of one who specializes in training hard-headed fools….😋😎

Dear husband: ” Thought I was your happy place?

Me: ” Not funny, you know. My closet and by extension my life may never feel whole without this skirt.😔”

Dear husband: “Don’t worry. It’ll come back.”

Me: “How do you know?”

Dear husband:” I do it too.”

Shocker! The man actually has a soul. He feels things much deeper than I ever thought he could. Maybe all is not lost after all….

Now if you’re one of those warrior minimalist type, you’re probably thinking to yourself: “Great! Another sick person trying to pass off their addiction as useful!” You’re absolutely right.

What about you, dear friend? (I always feel like I should be wearing a matching set while saying dear), what’s your happy place? If it’s online shopping browsing, Dm me. We could create a Facebook group. We could call it, say, “Broke online browsers anonymous”. What do you say?

Gros bisoux and stalk soon!😘🐍

The many ways we procrastinate…

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Today, I am coming to you with a piece of writing by a writer I really admire not only because she’s a very talented writer but because she’s my little niece, one of the very few people I can actually call early morning and give advice on things I, clearly, am not even practising myself🙄😎

The many ways I procrastinate…

by June

I’m a master of the art of procrastination. People like me typically do well under pressure. Why? We have spent our entire lives perfecting homework, exams, and projects at that last moment. I have no shame, so here are some of my Achilles heels for you to judge and maybe relate to.

First, I create a list of all the things I have to do, and sometimes if I’m really feeling productive (in other words, delusional), my to-do list has subsections. For example, chores:

  • Clean the Floor
  • Broom
  • Vacuum
  • Mop

My apartment is all hardwood, not a carpet in sight. But I feel I must add vacuuming to the list. I’ve owned my vacuum for almost six months, and I think I’ve used it twice.

Then I scroll through YouTube because I must have the proper music to induce productivity. Usually, about 3 hours later, I’m done with you Tube, and no, I did not create a playlist but I have expanded my knowledge on dance moves I can never emulate and watched enough cute cat and dog videos to make me want to get another pet. At least until my two dogs, Yuki and Tigress do something to remind me my life was more peaceful before pets. Not happier but quieter, but life is short, so who wants peace and quiet anyway?

Productivity is still the name of the game, and I haven’t given up. So I visit my best frenemy Netflix. Now I know what you’re wondering, ” How deep is her delusion that she thinks Netflix, of all things, will help her be productive?” There is a method to the madness. The goal here is to choose something I’ve seen several times before. So much so that it can become background noise while I do things. This sometimes works. The pitfall is the currently watching shows you have to scroll through before you get to that oldie but goodie. I usually don’t make it, and the next thing I know, I get up to pee, and it’s 10 PM.

I have accomplished nothing from my list, but there’s always tomorrow. I just have to find the right playlist….

Bringing up baby: The first few weeks with a new puppy

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“The first night we brought her home, we started grinning at everything she did with wonder and admiration. We grinned through her sleeping and eating like a glutton. Heck, we even grinned when she started farting with great abandon.”

Remember this post: A new addition to the family?

Noticed how blissfully happy we look in this pic? The sort of happiness only seen in people blissfully unaware of what lays ahead.

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“When you’re blissfully unaware of what’s to come.”

I remember when hubby announced we’ve finally saved enough to get a dog, he tried to warm me up to the idea that the first weeks may prove to be difficult. I acted with the disdain of a clueless little person who’s out of her league and does not even know it:

Hubby: ” Just so you know, it’s gonna be a tough few weeks, I mean at the beginning…”

Me: ” You can be so negative😫. It’s not like we’re getting a full size Shrek or something🙄…”

Hubby: ” Well…”

Me (Cutting him off): “Listen, I’ve had plenty of dogs! You don’t have to worry about me! Worry about yourself!”😏

Fast forward a week later, we have not slept full nights since this beautiful, happy, angel face of a doggy entered our lives. But not to worry, she herself sleeps plenty as evidenced by the pic below.

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Clearly her bills are paid!

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”Her favourite way of showing discontentment is by screaming her head off at nights as if suddenly possessed whenever she wakes up to the reality that she’s not, as her dreams would have her believe, in our bed but in hers.”

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No bed, no problem! When you can sleep anywhere!

Like many new parents, we made the mistake of letting her sleep in our bed. After one too many sleepless nights, we learned our lesson and are now in the process of trying to get her to sleep in the cute little doggy bed we bought her just for that. As expected, she’s justly outraged. Well, more like pissed.

Without going into great details, just know the past few weeks I’ve cleaned more poop than I’ve ever cleaned in my entire life…

Her toys of predilection are shoes, feet of chairs and anything within chewing distance.

In spite of all this, do we still love her? Yes. Because we decided we don’t mind suffering as long as we get to have someone that cute in our lives. Plus she’s just our type: Cute and expensive!

If you like this article, don’t forget to share and subscribe!

Gros bisous! 🐍😘

A new addition to the family

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We have  a new addition to the family and her name is Rhubarbe! This is of course without counting my niece’s dogs (See how cute they are here )

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Dear followers, just know you barely escaped a gender reveal. Of course, to make up for that expect the next blog posts to be flooded with pics of Rubarbe #Shamelessnewparents#

Now you may think to yourself, why did they (I meant “Me”) have to go and name the first addition to the family after a comestible plant🙄? Well, just know the poor dog came this close to be named “Cinnamon” (“Cannelle” in French)! Plus dear hubby owed me one. You see, “Cinnamon” was supposed to be the name of our first future daughter but when I dared to “suggest” the name to dear husband, here’s what happened:

Me: “If we ever have a daughter, I have a perfect name”!

Hubby: “Yeah…?”

Me: “Cinnamon”

Hubby: “Over my dead body.”

Me: “Why?!!” (I was sincerely disappointed😔)

Hubby: “I believe it’s one of  the top 10 hooker names…🙄😫.”

Me: “Oh!!??…But we can still…”

I was abruptly interrupted.

Hubby: “Like I said…over my dead body.”

I let it go…this time…BUT as a true female of my specie, I was waiting for him around the corner where he least expected it so as soon as it became sure we were gonna be parents to a dog I came back full force and I said: “Well, since you don’t want me to call our future daughter “Cinnamon”, I get to name the dog!”. The poor man was trapped so he agreed (more like gave up). It was between “Cinnamon” and “Rhubarbe” but since apparently, according to dear husband, it was the year of the “R” (names starting with “R”) for dogs, “we” (I”” 😉) named her “Rhubarbe”

#When you”re cute and you know it😎😏

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“When you’re cute and you know it!😎”

Isn’t she cute? My work is still not done because they’re already ganging up on me. I guess it’s a father-daughter thing, eh?😜

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Of course most of my time is spent trying to figure out ways to get her to love me more😂

Like I said expect to be flooded with cute pics!

Bisoux and talk soon!😘🐍

Why I started wearing more colour

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“When my mom who’s pure Haitian noticed I was wearing nothing but black and white in most of my pics, she inquired (with great worry) if somebody has just died.”🤦🏽‍♀️🤣

Most times when I am getting ready in the morning, I’ll usually have this kind of convo with dear husband:

Husband: “You should wear more colour’. Colour suits you so well”

Me: (silently pulling out my all black outfit with hints of grey as accent colour. All of this with a smirk on my face.)

Husband: “Hello..Did you hear what I just said?!”

I took some time to answer since I was trying to put that in plain language so he can understand😏😎. When you’re forced to explain elevation to the masses.🙄

Me:”I know what I am doing. You see, black and white automatically looks more polished, more put together, more…expensive…”

Husband: (shakes head heavily, face heavy with sadness): 😫😌

Me: “I don’t expect you to understand, of course….”

Husband: “Right…it’s best to look like a debt collector…but then again what do I know? I am only just a man after all…”

Me: “See…you’re getting there!”

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“A pic of me practising colour therapy and looking absolutely stunning doing it”😎😏

If I am honest though, he’s not the only one to tell me that. I remember one time talking to my mom and she said the exact same thing but in an extremely concerned tone:

Mom (🤔😰🥺): “Faye (that’s my nickname), are you all right? Is there something going on?

Me (😲😲) : ” I am fine, mom. Where does this come from??!”

Mom: “Well, most pics I see of you, you’re only wearing black and white like somebody just died. What’s wrong?”

Me: “What?!!?” 🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♂️

Naturally, I tried explaining to her that black and white looks more expensive. I could hear her exasperation over the phone as she replied: “

Mom: “Would you please stop attracting bad things to you by wearing nothing but black and white and all those pale colours that make you look like you died just a few hours ago”.

Me: “But mom…”

Mom: “Enough of this! Makes you look like you’re about to cross over into the unknown!”

Parents just don’t understand, eh?🤦🏽‍♀️ I laughed my head off.

In Haiti, people mostly wear black when somebody dies. In times of mourning, it’s not unusual for people to wear black and nothing but black for a certain period of time as a way to cherish someone close who’s died.

You know, thinking back, there was real concern in her voice, like she was really worried and it cracks me up. I spent that day thinking about how certain colours can be perceived in certain cultures and I find that very interesting.

That’s probably why, last year, I made a conscious effort to add more colours to my wardrobe and let me tell you, I am already a changed woman, if I do say so myself😎😋.

What about you guys? Have you been dragged like myself into wearing more colour or did you just wake up one day and decided to add more colour to your wardrobe? Let me know in the comments below.

Bisoux and don’t forget to like, share and subscribe so you can know what I am up to (#shamelessplug🙄)😘🐍

 

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF LOVE LANGUAGES

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“Don’t treat people how you yourself would like to be treated, treat people how they themselves want to be treated. There is a big difference…”

What is love? Love means different things for different people for sure. We all have different ways of showing and receiving love. I suppose it all boils down to love language. To me love is action. I can see it’s the same for my husband as well except we take different actions to show we care. I have noticed people have a tendency to express love the same way they would like it expressed towards them.

“I’d say my love language is pretty simple…I inspire meaning I am your muse.

As a muse the contract is simple: You’ll do all the work and I’ll take all the credit.”

When I love someone I tend to see them in their best light. The problem with leaving under a constant “best light” is that falling short is always around the corner. Sooner or later all gods begin to show their human sides.  My kind of love is:

  • I direct, encourage and grow. Sounds like a an agent, I know. I believe it’s my duty to advise people closest to me. If that sounds like a high-priestess of hype forgive me, I am a Libra after all…🙄
  • I protect by making sure no one takes advantage of or abuse the people I love except myself if course😜. My husband calls it “isolation tactics”😂.
  • I multiply by encouraging you to be the best that you can be meaning you won’t have a moment of peace until you go for that promotion…. just like I instructed told you.
  • And last but not least I inspire which means I am your muse for better or worse and as a muse, the contract is simple: you’ll do all the work and I’ll get all the credit. Which maybe why dear husband usually calls himself my “appointed caregiver”.💅🐍

My husband’s love language

He likes to do things to make my life easier and to make me feel taken care of. That may mean picking me up at the bus station so I don’t have to take the bus when it’s awfully cold. It can be preparing a nice meal or getting me something I might have expressed a desire for. As you can see this man’s love is fully grounded in the practical. Which makes you wonder about my own love language…but like I said I am his muse, right?😜💅

In the end it’s about loving a person the way they want to be loved and appreciated.

What about you dear readers, do you think love languages are important in relationships? Is it important to understand each other’s love language within a relationship? Please do share. Bisous and talk soon!🐍😘

The best time to say I love you

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“Love is like success, it may appear magical and liberating but there is hard core, soul-breaking work hiding right behind it. Most of us are shocked when we discover the true meaning of love. Disney clearly lied to us.🙄😡”

Valentine’s Day is that time of year when people with great difficulties expressing feelings find themselves at great peril of being coerced into uttering these three little words: “I love you”. Some people say you have to mean it to say it. Some say you have to deeply feel it to say it. Some say you have to wait for one person to say it and only then can you say it.🤔🙄

Is there a “best” time to say I love you? Personally, when in a stable relationship, I prefer to say I love you:

  • Early mornings right after waking up or late at night just before going to bed. This way I can not be held responsible if my actions fail to match these three little words later in the day🙄. 
  • At the airport, during the last boarding call, this way one of us won’t be here (at least for a couple of days) to live up to these three magic little words. Or better yet by the time we’re together again we can act like nothing happened.😏

All jokes aside, when  it comes to saying “I love you”, there are a few things I’d like to emphasize: 

  • First of all, me think there should be deadlines involved. You can’t put your life on hold waiting for someone to express their “feelings”. You could say something like: “if by next Valentine’s day I don’t hear these magic words, don’t call me even if you’re  bleeding on the floor and 911 is not answering😜🐍”. Sounds a bit extreme, I know but you get the idea…
  • “I love you” should automatically come with some kind of promise or commitment. If you don’t hear some kind of promise or commitment after these words don’t believe them. I repeat do not believe them. I also suggest you nicely and respectfully threaten I mean discuss “the possibilities of giving each other space to process the next step of the relationship“. And don’t just threaten them any day. Threaten them on special days like Valentine’s and your birthday, the anniversary of your first date together, first movie, first ice cream cone, whatever, you get the point.😜🐍 Do not beg. I know it’s not easy to do especially when that biological clock is hanging heavy down one’s neck…but do try.
  • Now after hearing all this you must be asking say yourself “What about love?”. Well what about it? Let me tell you love is like success, it may appear magical and liberating but there is hard core, soul-breaking work hiding right behind it. Most of us are shocked when we discover the true meaning of love. Disney clearly lied to us. 😡💃

What about you, dear readers? What do you think of the whole thing? When do you think it best to say “I love you”?. Should there be deadlines when it comes to saying “I love you”? Should it come with some type of commitment or promise? Please share your thoughts!

Gros bisoux and don’t forget to enjoy valentine’s day! Talk soon!🐍😜

What’s the weirdest thing your spouse has ever done?

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What’s the weirdest thing your spouse has ever done? Were you shocked, impressed or simply disgusted?

“Some things can only be explained by silence or absence. So I chose to disappear from his line of vision for a bit…you know to give him time to reconcile his past idea of me with this new version that does not quite match his expectations 🙄

We all have things we do that seem “normal” to us but may appear “weird” to someone else. Especially when you’re living in close quarters with that much desired other half. Every Little thing you do gets examined and questioned🙈. It’s almost like living with a two-year old who’s always full of questions🙄.

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I must say even though I may look perfect I too have some “weird thing” in my closet. Hard to believe I know, since I am just so damn perfect most of the times😇.

I actually remember my husband’s exact face the first time he came face to face with that not so stellar version of me. We were having supper as we usually do most nights while watching some kind of TV show. For us super is usually chicken or fish plus a  salad. That time it was chicken and salad.  We’d just finished demolishing most of a whole chicken when, true to my single-years self, I naturally started chewing on the chicken bones (specifically the thigh bones):

Me: (at this point I am not talking but sounds of chicken bones being crushed and chewed can be heard)🙈

Dear other half: (Not talking at this point either. Staring at me intensely probably both shocked and mesmerized that such small and dainty creature is doted with such strong jaws).

Me: (For those of you interested, the whole process can be a very consuming enterprise. At this point, I am literally in the zone…)

Dear other half: (Still staring at me intensely, still a tiny bit shocked but mostly fascinated.)

Me: (Finally realizing I am not alone):” Are you ok honey?”

Dear other half: “…is it a cultural thing??!!?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Dear other half: “Chewing chicken bones into powder form?!….”

Me: “Well, I…”

He was looking at me like someone who’s just been forced to realize his idol was not only human but a human with questionable behaviour 🧐. I didn’t know what to stay. How do you explain something like that? I couldn’t even explain this to my own damn self even if I wanted to.

Me: “hmmm…yeah…you may be onto something here… Could totally be a cultural thing…”

Dear other half: (still waiting for a logical explanation that’s clearly not coming).

Me: “Well, let me take the plates upstairs so we can have more room here…“

Some things can only be explained by either silence or absence so I decided to disappear from his line of vision for a bit…you know to give him time to reconcile his past idea of me with this new idea of his lovely little wife crushing chicken bones with a vengeance and purpose that would put a horror movie flesh-eating creature to shame. Like he said it could be a cultural thing….who knows?

What about you dear readers? What’s the weirdest thing you or your other half has ever done? Did it change your idea of them? Please do share!

Don’t miss tomorrow’s post on “The best time to say I love you“ in honor of Valentine’s day! Gros bisoux 😘🐍

 

This woman fell for a bloodsucker…

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“Where do we draw the line in relationships? At what point must we stop caring and save ourselves? When do we say enough?”

Last week, I came across a very interesting conversation. I am not usually one to eavesdrop but this time the story was so troubling I couldn’t help myself…

So I am sitting in this very nice coffee shop and a young lady sitting right next to me receives a call from a friend. From what I gathered she was apologizing for being MIA since the death of a very close friend. At this point I was just mildly listening, you know, it was mostly background noise. But the conversation sort of veered towards her boyfriend and let me tell you my ears immediately perked up. An impromptu session of boyfriend bashing? It’s none of my business but sign me up please! There’s nothing a girl likes more than a session of he said/she said.

“By the time a professional abuser’s done with you, you’re gonna need weekly blood transfusion plus regular vitamin shots.”

So like I said she’s just lost a very close friend and apparently while she was busy mourning the loss of this very close friend, dear boyfriend was busy rekindling the passion with his ex. When confronted, his excuse? Well, he was suffering from one of his acute bout of low self-esteem which usually prompts him to look for affection and attention wherever he can find it. And this time he happened to have found it in the very loving and ready arms of his ex! After much heartache and debate, the poor girl decides to forgive him and help him get through this provided he seeks professional help.

Naturally like any self-respecting person listening in from the side line I was offended and disgusted with said boyfriend. If what she’s saying is correct, what this guy really deserves is to find himself naked in the streets on the coldest night of Winter. Maybe then he’ll realize how it feels to be abused by someone you trust and love?

Now listen to this: The poor girl must constantly keep an eye on him lest of course he feels neglected and go back to his ex. Naturally with all this going on she feels like she doesn’t have enough space to grieve and take proper care of herself…. And guess who called while she was on the phone? Mr. professional abuser himself. He wanted her to get him breakfast. I even got to take a close enough look at the bloodsucker while he was waiting outside for his breakfast and while good looking enough, his face looked lame and conceited.

I pitied the poor girl who probably thinks she’s being a supporting girlfriend while she’s clearly nothing but another host. I am not a violent person but listening in I felt like yelling at her: “Leave this bloodsucker now or you’re gonna need a blood transfusion and vitamin shots by the time he’s done with you.” Of course I did none of that cause I felt it wasn’t my place.

I admit it was hard to just sit by and listen without doing anything. In fact, I found myself still thinking about her a week later. She probably wasn’t stupid. You could hear it in her voice that her heart knew this was not a normal situation but I guess she was just so lost and in such grief at the moment that she just wasn’t thinking clearly.

I prayed she opens her eyes and realize he does not deserve her. I really do. The whole thing felt like standing by and watching someone drown but I couldn’t logically jump in with a bunch of unsolicited advice. Anyways, the whole thing was just so sad….

What about you dear readers? What do you make of the whole situation? Where do we draw the line in relationships? At what point must we stop caring and save ourselves? When do we say enough? Was this girl stupid or just lost? Was the boyfriend a professional abuser or just at his lowest? Is this even the whole truth? It would be interesting to know what you guys think! Gros bisous and talk soon!

 

So what if it has already been done before?

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“It’s about taking chances, growth and overcoming.“

Last Sunday I had an interesting conversation with dear husband on the subject of doing things that have already been done before. That day, I’d just had one of the most productive afternoon (during which I edited a blog post The challenges of being an introvert. ) and tackled other content related stuff. Naturally, I just couldn’t wait to get home and receive duly praise:

Me: “I had such a productive day today! It felt so good to finally tackle some stuff.”

Dear husband: “I am so proud of you, honey! You’ve got this! You just need to keep going.”

Naturally, with such an overwhelmingly positive reception I proceeded to overextend myself by making grand plans to take over the world in the next 48 hours🙄🤯.

Me: “Thank you honey! I am also planning on posting more often say like twice a week and maybe add some type of style content to the blog. We’ll see!”

DH: Complete silence. The sort of polite and respectful silence you’d give a dying patient making plans for the future. 

Me: “Hello?!! What do you think?”

DH: “You mean like a What I wore today kind of thing? Everybody’s doing that!”

Me: “Well, would you prefer I do a what I did not wear today instead?” I said frustrated.

DH: “Well, I am sorry for interrupting your world domination plans with a dose of reality but somebody’s got to be the voice of reason in all this!”

Me: “Right now, you’re sounding more like the voice of doom!”

DH: “All am saying is you have something good here so tick with it. Don’t chase too many things at once.”

Vexed and irritated, I retrieved into an honorable silence to lick my wounds. 

The man does have a point considering I’ve been known for getting overly excited and then quickly dropping into sudden desperation. BUT on the other hand…

There’s absolutely nothing new under the sun. Most everything have all been done before and done to death. Should that stop you and me from engaging in something we may possibly end up loving? Certainly not! Easier said than done, I know😅.

“Sometimes it’s difficult to be original from the get go and find the right angle from the outside, so we should get into the habit of getting involved in things that interest us and cultivate them with no expectation other than learning and having fun. Detachment from the outcome is key here.”

Last but not least, we must remember that it hasn’t been done until we’ve done it (Insert smug and overbearing emoji here). 

Fun fact: Sex is one thing that has been done and done to death yet this has never stopped anyone from indulging…🤫

What about you, dear readers? Have you gone through a similar thing? How did you handle it? Please share! Gros bisoux and talk soon!🐍😘