So what if it has already been done before?

“It’s about taking chances, growth and overcoming.

Last Sunday I had an interesting conversation with dear husband on the subject of doing things that have already been done before. That day, I’d just had one of the most productive afternoon (during which I edited a blog post The challenges of being an introvert. ) and tackled other content related stuff. Naturally, I just couldn’t wait to get home and receive duly praise:

Me: “I had such a productive day today! It felt so good to finally tackle some stuff.”

Dear husband: “I am so proud of you, honey! You’ve got this! You just need to keep going.”

Naturally, with such an overwhelmingly positive reception I proceeded to overextend myself by making grand plans to take over the world in the next 48 hours🙄🤯.

Me: “Thank you honey! I am also planning on posting more often say like twice a week and maybe add some type of style content to the blog. We’ll see!”

DH: Complete silence. The sort of polite and respectful silence you’d give a dying patient making plans for the future. 

Me: “Hello?!! What do you think?”

DH: “You mean like a What I wore today kind of thing? Everybody’s doing that!”

Me: “Well, would you prefer I do a what I did not wear today instead?” I said frustrated.

DH: “Well, I am sorry for interrupting your world domination plans with a dose of reality but somebody’s got to be the voice of reason in all this!”

Me: “Right now, you’re sounding more like the voice of doom!”

DH: “All am saying is you have something good here so tick with it. Don’t chase too many things at once.”

Vexed and irritated, I retrieved into an honorable silence to lick my wounds. 

The man does have a point considering I’ve been known for getting overly excited and then quickly dropping into sudden desperation. BUT on the other hand…

There’s absolutely nothing new under the sun. Most everything have all been done before and done to death. Should that stop you and me from engaging in something we may possibly end up loving? Certainly not! Easier said than done, I know😅.

“Sometimes it’s difficult to be original from the get go and find the right angle from the outside, so we should get into the habit of getting involved in things that interest us and cultivate them with no expectation other than learning and having fun. Detachment from the outcome is key here.”

Last but not least, we must remember that it hasn’t been done until we’ve done it (Insert smug and overbearing emoji here). 

Fun fact: Sex is one thing that has been done and done to death yet this has never stopped anyone from indulging…🤫

What about you, dear readers? Have you gone through a similar thing? How did you handle it? Please share! Gros bisoux and talk soon!🐍😘

The challenges of being an introvert.

“Contrary to most people I don’t go out to meet people, I go out to be alone. My husband thinks it’s troubling. I think it’s a sign of great intelligence🙄.”

Me and dear husband we get along quite well but the longer we’ve been together, the more I realize how different we are on a lot of things. At first look I’d say I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. He likes being around people and I am more into pointed interactions (My husband says it’s a nice way of saying “I am antisocial”). Consequently finding a common ground can be quite challenging and makes for very interesting interactions…

Exhibit A: Me getting ready to go out on a Saturday morning.

Dear husband: “You’re going out to meet a friend? Cool!”

Me: “No, not really.”

DH: “Why not? Call a friend or something…”

Me:  “Why? I just want to be alone”.

DH: “Why go out then? Just lock yourself up in the basement and you’ll be all alone”.

Me: “No, I won’t. Because you’ll come knocking and bug me.”

DH: ” I am not sure how I should take this….”

Me: “Plus, unlike you I don’t need people to enjoy myself!”

DH: “Yeah..and that’s the scary part.”

Feeling like an alien, I then proceed to try and justify my behavior.

Me: “Well, I guess it’s a way of being social without having to interact with people…”

DH: “Not sure if you realize it but being social sort of implies having actual interactions with people.”

Exhibit B: Dear husband comes home all excited because he and some friends have planned some kind of couple outing.

Dear husband: “We’ve been invited!”

Me: “But why? Who did that?”

DH: “You’re saying it like somebody committed a crime or something?”

The last time we had that same discussion, he won so I remained silent.

DH: “Ok, you’re clearly not excited about the prospect. How about we invite them here?”

I don’t answer. I look as overwhelmed as a new mom who’s just given birth to quadruplets.

Me: “It’s gonna be worse! We’re gonna have to be nice and let them stay for however long they want…”

DH: “Well, you could try throwing them out…”

Me: “That would be one way of making sure they don’t come back….”

DH: “!!!??????” Clear signs of system failure showing on his face…🤯

I am not gonna lie, being an introvert comes with its own sets of blessings and challenges. I sometimes think I’ll end up as an old insufferable cat lady who spends her time mumbling to herself😂. What about you dear readers? Are you an introvert or an extrovert? What do you find most challenging? Please share! Gros bisoux and talk soon!🐍😋

Accept the damn compliments and keep it moving!

“I am one of those people who can’t just accept a compliment and move on. I need to be creative by burying the other person under a pile of outrageous attributes that even a loving grandmother would have troubling believing”…

Yours truly, resident cheerleader of the year

Do you struggle to accept compliments? There could be several reasons. Maybe you have difficulties believing nice things about yourself? Maybe you have resident cheerleader syndrome, meaning you believe your job is to empower people with you of course being the enlightened one?

Here is an excerpt of a typical conversation between me and a female acquaintance:

Scenario 1:

A female colleague is wearing a nice skirt and I, resident cheerleader of the year rush in to sing her praise. As a true Libra I am proud to say we’ve raised cheerleading to an art form. Of course some less enlightened souls would call it relentless ass kissing (namely dear husband who firmly believes one should tell people the truth even if it means social suicide).

Me: “Oh my God! You look absolutely stunning in that skirt”.

Colleague:  “You think so?”

Me: “Yes!”

Coll.: “Not so sure…”

Me: “Of course! I mean look at you!”

Coll.: “Oh, I don’t know. It’s such an old thing…”

Me: “Listen, you look good okay?” I said realizing this could probably last the whole day and I still needed to earn a living. At this point my desire to wrap things up is really strong so I discreetly start looking for the nearest exit. But just then, she turns the whole thing upside down and gives ME a compliment.

Colleague: “Well, what about you, Missy?”

Me: “Yes, what about me?”

Coll.: “Well look at you, you’d look good in that skirt, unlike me!”

Me: “Ooooooh!!! You think so?”

Coll.: “Absolutely! With your perfect butt and all!”

Me: “Oh stop! I’d much prefer to have nice curvy hips like yours?”

Coll.: “Oh no! Why? Trust me you don’t need that in your life.”

Me: “Well, let me tell you when I gain weight I feel like my butt could serve as my personal calling card.”

Coll.: “Oh no! you have the perfect butt!”

Me: “Stop! You’re the prize, not me!”

Coll.: “Noooooo, you are the real deal!”

Me: “Nooooooo! You missy are the business!”

………..

 Well, in case you’re wondering we did manage to get some work done that day…

There’s also Scenario 2 where some people just gobble down the compliment like it’s part of your job description🙄.

All this aside, a lot of us do that. Why do we do that, though? We can’t just accept a compliment and move on. Sometimes you stop to give someone a quick compliment and end up spending the rest of the day trying to convince them you’re not crazy or blind.

What to say then? You could say: “Thank you, you’re so kind!” or “Thank you for noticing!”.

Notice how I am always trying to add something else after the “thank you”🤦🙋. I am afraid it’s time to put this on my list of things to get therapy for……

What about you dear readers? Do you or someone you know do that as well? I want to hear about it!

Gros bisoux and talk soon!

We all have that one item of clothing

Winter is firmly here. It’s been getting so cold so fast here in Montreal I’ve officially abandoned all dignity and desire to look human in the quest for warmth. I now will wear anything provided it’ll keep me warm, I don’t care if I look like a pregnant mouse. Which brings me to that very potent truth: We all have that one piece of clothing which makes us look like crap that we just can’t seem to be able to get rid of. Mine is a green coat. It is so padded, it could serve as an anti-nuclear shelter.

“When I wear that coat in wintertime it’s not unusual for people to offer me their seats in the subway probably thinking of me as a pregnant lady in great need of a seat.”

Every year, at the end of every Winter I swear I am going to donate it to charity. Yet every year, at the beginning of every Winter I gently pull it out of the back of the closet covered in shame and embarrassment. It has now become an inside joke between me and dear husband.

Dear husband: “I see the mattress is back…”

Me: ” Well, it’s just for today….it’s so cold so soon…besides the name has changed.”

Dear husband: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, really….this entire look is now called the expensive dumpling look.”

Dear husband: “Wait! I have a better name for it!”

He’s so excited to come up with a fun name he doesn’t notice that if looks could kill, he’d be lying on the floor swimming in his own blood already…

Dear husband: “Wait for it: The walking mattress!”

Only the thought of going back to a dating site with the extra weight I’ve gained in the past two years kept me from murdering him…I remained silent for a good while hoping he’ll noticed he’s not exactly winning points here even if I was the one who started the name calling. Finally some sense seemed to have got into him.

Me: ” C’mon don’t be mad! You’re the one who started this??!!!”

Me: “Just because I started it doesn’t mean you have to finish it (Insert overly emotional person on their period emoji here, I’ll wait). Besides, as I told you countless times, this should serve as a signal for you to start showering me with compliments! “

Dear husband: “!!????” Clear signs of system failure showing on his face…

The poor man can’t win, I know. One thing though, there are three people I would not want to meet while wearing this very special piece of clothing: My ex, my ex’s girlfriend and my worst enemy. Why? Because I believe in winning, God damn it! Which is why I usually keep the hood down when I wear it to prevent face recognition.

Lately I’ve been pushed into a more sporty chic vibe in an effort to steer clear of the dumpling look and migrate more towards the healthy spring roll look. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don’t. When my hormones are properly fed I somehow manage to look like a healthy veggie spring roll. But when it’s that time of the month and my hormones are raging I definitely look like a dumpling. I must admit I was never one to sacrifice comfort for pretty. Although my husband would swear the contrary.

What about you dear readers? What is that one item of clothing you hate but somehow keep wearing? Please do share!

The cult of perfection: waiting for the perfect whatever…

Dear reader, I sincerely thought I had learned this lesson but my recent obsessions clearly show I haven’t so here I am again talking about the same thing in an effort to try and convince myself that I’ve actually learned something along the way….I sometimes feel stuck in a constant relearning cycle. Do you sometimes feel the same?

According to Shunryu Susuki, a Zen monk and teacher who helped popularized Zen Budhism in the U.S.:

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities but in the expert’s there are a few”.

Let’s take a leaf from zen budhism, let’s talk about “shoshin”. According to Wikipedia “shoshin” is a word from Zen budhism meaning beginner’s mind. It refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject at an advanced level, just as a beginner would.

What would we become if we weren’t afraid of failing? If we weren’t afraid of making a fool of ourselves? If we weren’t afraid to begin? If we weren’t afraid of judgement? If we were convinced we had something to bring to the table even when we don’t even know what that is? The possibilities would be endless, wouldn’t they? Lately, I’ve been thinking about all the missed opportunities in my life, all because I have the very bad habit of waiting for everything to be perfect to even consider beginning anything. Well, except for this blog because I had my husband on my back 24/7.

This reminds me of conversations I have with my husband all the time:

Take One: We are out shopping.

Hubby: “Look at that top, honey it’s off-shoulder and would look great on you.”

Me: “Well, my shoulders are too meaty…once I lose those pesky 10 pounds yeah, most definitely…”

Hubby: “Oh, I think I get it now (with the bright face of someone who just solved a complicated puzzle)!

Me: “What? what is it? (Waiting with great anticipation)”

Hubby: “Correct me if I am wrong but your life is basically on hold until you lose those 10 pounds…right?”

Me: “(greatly annoyed because it’s the truth) You make it sound so bad the way you say it.”

Hubby: “If it sounds bad, it’s because its bad!”

Take number 2: Discussing my instagram account which I have yet to feed.

Hubby:” Why don’t you publish something…anything on your instagram account?”

Me: “As soon as I lose a couple of pounds, I will…”

Hubby: “????!!!!!!(Deep frowns…clear signs he’s struggling to grasp the concept.)”

Me:” Well, right now I look like a pregnant mouse in most of my pics…”

Hubby: “You’re kidding, right?”

There you have it! The theme song of my life: Always waiting for the perfect time, the perfect moment, the perfect day, the perfect weather, you name it! It’s a vicious circle and pretty soon you find yourself paralyzed.

Most often, we are waiting to be perfect to show up but guess what? You’re never going to be perfect. You’re never going get better until you start because you only get better by doing. The only way to get a shot at perfection, if that’s even possible, is by doing. So go do you. Maybe I should print this and keep it in my wallet as a daily reminder 🙂 I have a feeling I need this advice more than you guys, lol.

Gros bisoux and talk soon!

MY CARB OBSESSION: It’s a culture thing

Rice, quinoa, sweet potatoes, yams…Dear God will I ever be free from these temptations? I think not….my very DNA is against it.

My husband and I we often have discussions about carbs, specifically my carb obsession (Rice and quinoa all day and every day: sign me up for life please). As a Haitian, it’s safe to say carbs, specifically rice is part of my DNA. For my husband it’s not the same. He’s French, his obsessions look more like cheese and french baguette and so on. Which doesn’t bother me, Lord knows I’ve sacrificed a few pair of jeans to his cheese obsession. When we got together I was long and lean, now I am more of a “chubby fit” type. The problem with being chubby fit is there’s not much “fit” into the equation: It is mostly fat.

To be perfectly honest I sometimes find his attitude towards rice quite disrespectful :). Like that time he wanted to make a rice salad with mostly salad??!!! I simply had to have a talk with him:

-Me: “What are you doing?”

– Husband: “I am rinsing the rice with cold water”.

–  Me: …???!!!! (You could actually hear system failure sounds on my side…)

– Husband: “Well, honey, it’s a rice salad so I am rinsing the rice to get rid of the starch.”

–  Me: “Ok, let me get this right: First of all you throw the rice in hot water, then you go again and splash the rice with cold water and just when the poor suffering rice was starting to recover from the abuse, you slap it into a large bowl and proceed to bury it under an insane load of veggies like…like some dirty shameful little secret. “

-Husband: “….???!!!”

-Me: “Quite frankly from where I stand, it’s as if you’re trying to make it look like the rice wasn’t even there… do you realize the rice is doing all the work with no credit?”

Husband: “..??!!! ” (I could see he was debating whether I was on my period or not…)

-Husband:  “Well, this is how a rice salad is made, so…”

-Me: “No, no, no, if there’s rice somewhere, the rice needs to be the star of the show. Period.”

He looked at me like you would someone in need of a heavy dose of sedative. I looked at him like you would a two year old who just bit his playmate: With eyes filled with compassion and a clear promise of punishment.

Although you do know it’s normal two year old behavior, you also know this cannot go unnoticed. So you bite your tongue. You resist committing murder and you walk them through normal human behavior. Which is exactly what I did for dear husband. He wasn’t entirely convinced after it all but as an intelligent individual he did realize the need to thread carefully in the presence of a high strung (read hormonally unbalanced) individual  with a carb obsession.

I must admit I get heated and unnaturally excited when rice or any type of grain comes under fire. If that continues I may have to add some sort of rice routine to our foreplay…:)

The thing is where I come from rice is the sun that never goes down. In Haiti, if you have a full pantry and you have no rice, you have nothing to eat. Your pantry is automatically considered empty.  It is a culture thing.

What about you, dear reader? Is there any food that is so ingrained in your culture it literally became part of your DNA? Let me know in the comments below! Talk soon and Bisous!

The right size or the right fit: A surprise workout in a dressing room.

”The right size or the right fit?”

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my nutritionist about the benefits of fast walking for lowering stress and she insisted one of the best low impact exercise for lowering stress is a long leisurely stroll where you actually have the time to enjoy the scenery. I politely nod to demonstrate agreement while privately disagreeing. If you’ve read this Post, you know I am more of a break-a-hip type of exercise person than a breathing-practice one. Nevertheless, I decided to give the leisurely stroll a try. Plus, where I work there are plenty of clothing stores to browse from. Personally, I think there is nothing sadder than looking at things you can not afford. But then again if you’re gonna be broke for a while you might as well make peace with it and make it look like you’re one of those very, very difficult people on a mission to find that perfect “coup de coeur” (read extremely broke). And if the sales clerk tries to pester you, you tell them: «Well, I am looking for something very particular. Once I’ve found it, I’ll be sure to let you know». Naturally, saying the whole thing with a Brittish accent would certainly give you more credibility.

”You’d need to be a clothes hanger or a broom stick to fit into this size. Having pliable bones may also greatly help.”

During said leisurely stroll, my steps somehow led me to Aritzia. Naturally, I started browsing their pants section and became super excited when my eyes fell onto the most perfect pair of high-waisted pants in a slightly stretchy material. I’ve been dreaming about a pair like this for ages. So I decided today was my lucky day. Thinking I was probably a size 6, I grabbed a few colours and headed for the changing rooms. There was already a lovely sales person on location manning the dressing room with the appropriate frozen smile platered across her face. Who can blame her? Dealing all day with people who refuse to face their size all day long can be taxing.

”Sizes are not really important because our bodies change. Pursue the right fit not the right size”.

Little did I know I would get a break-a-hip type of workout in the dressing room in the form of trying to wrestle my frame into a size that claimed to be a 6. I couldn’t even get it up to my waist. For this to fit me I’d need to either be a hanger or a broom stick..or maybe have pliable bones..! There is just no other way. How can that happen? Last week at old Navy, I was a solid size 6 with end of day bloat and all!  I was crushed. After a couple of painful thoughts, I decided to ask for a size 8 thinking to myself: ”It’ll probably be too large but…”. The relief expected was not to come since surprise while I could pull it all the way up I couldn’t zip it up. And believe me, I tried. I had to take a couple of minutes to give myself time to digest that newsflash: The 8 did not fit either.

”To me, if there’s room on the fllor for double zeros, there should be room for sizes 8 and up….But then again, I suppose a size 10 would take up so much room, the whole thing would fail to look like a minimalist closet (Insert eye rolls).”

I debated if I should just get out of there comforted in the idea it was their fault, not mine. Their size 6 was clearly a double zero in denial. But then again the fighter in me (or the glutton for punishment) decided to stay and ask to try on a 10. To which I was answered by the sales clerk: ”I’ll check but you might have to order it online. Is that all right?” Naturally I nodded in approval. What else was I going to say? Your size 6 is a lie and fetch me the manager while you’re at it? Certainly not! Upon trying it, the size 10 was way too big and made me look like a sack of mashed potatoes. 

So all in all, I went into the changing room full of hope and came out in great despair. My world of medium sizes had been shattered. While thinking about the whole ordeal, I couldn’t help but notice that only what was considered small sizes were displayed on the floor. To me, if there’s room for double zeros, there should be room for sizes 8 and up.  Where is the logic in there? But then again, I suppose a size 10 would take up so much room, the whole thing would fail to look like a minimalist closet? Go figure!

Lessons learned: ”Sizes are not really important because our bodies change. Pursue the right fit not the right size”.

These pants were such workouts that I am now considering buying them as replacement for my workout dvds. You see, it wasn’t a complete disaster after all….

What about you dear readers? Have you had similar experiences? Please do share! Bisous!