Online journal

The first and last time I went to a meditation class

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“I’ve always envied people who meditate… It’s like the most grown-up thing to do; like saying no to that second glass of wine cause you’ve got to get up early for work the next day.”

Meditation. Yoga funny Cartoon By Gemma Correll
Meditation. Yoga funny Cartoon By Gemma Correl.

Like I said grown-up stuff. Consequently, it was only a matter of time before I tried it myself. So one day, I woke up and told myself: I am ready. I was already enrolled at the YMCA so I just showed up to one of their early morning meditation class. I made sure to come in early to get a good spot. Just a tad bit far enough from the stage to exit quickly in case I happen to get bored out of my mind.😉

While everybody was getting ready to enter nirvana and make love to their center I was thinking to myself: “The teacher lost a ton of weight. Would she tell me if I asked her nicely? I don’t think she lost all that weight just by doing yoga…maybe if I tell her how much I love her class class, she’ll tell me exactly how she lost all that weight…”

In the middle of my pondering, enters a young woman, early 30’s. We’ll call her miss Yogalate. She had what I called to soft tofu look: Long, lean and all in soft curves. This kind of look is often paired with what I called the marinated Tempeh face (kind of like someone low key sucking on a lemon). She was wearing a loose top with matching yoga pants and carrying a highly pedigreed water bottle.🙄

Our eyes met. She approached my corner of the room and started spreading her mat all over as if I was renting a corner of her bedroom. I moved my mat a tiny bit further out to counter her effort at pushing my mat too far out. She looked at me and asked with raised manicured eyebrows:

Miss Yogalate: “Is this your first class?”😏

Me: “Yeah..does it show that much?”

Miss Yogalate: “Oh no, it’s just that we’ve been welcoming all sort of people here lately…so…”

In her presence, I felt like one of those flies that live exclusively on dead animals.

Miss Yogalate: “I was wondering….can you move your mat just a little?”

Me: “Sorry if I move it any further I won’t be able to hear the teacher.”

She  thought about it for a while and then a genius idea hit her: “Tell you what, she said, there’s a spot right by the teacher in front. Why don’t you move over there? You’ll be much closer plus she’ll be able to keep an eye on you…”

Me; “No thank you. I have the perfect spot. right here…that’s why I try and come in early…”🐍

To cut the whole t hing short, I turned around and started busying myself, getting ready for the class. I could still feel her eyes on my back. Finally, the teacher announced the class was starting. Saved by the bell.

Unbelievable. Coming in all late and wrong and still expecting priority seating.

Turns out the meditating wasn’t bad at all. Since it’s the first class I wasn’t necessary able to even scratch the surface of my center but I am open to give it another go if the opportunity rises. All in all I would do it again😊

You can also read about my first art class here: THE SADDEST ART CLASS I EVER TOOK

If you like this article, please don’t forget to comment, share and subscribe! Bisous 😘🐍

 

 

A new addition to the family

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We have  a new addition to the family and her name is Rhubarbe! This is of course without counting my niece’s dogs (See how cute they are here )

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Dear followers, just know you barely escaped a gender reveal. Of course, to make up for that expect the next blog posts to be flooded with pics of Rubarbe #Shamelessnewparents#

Now you may think to yourself, why did they (I meant “Me”) have to go and name the first addition to the family after a comestible plant🙄? Well, just know the poor dog came this close to be named “Cinnamon” (“Cannelle” in French)! Plus dear hubby owed me one. You see, “Cinnamon” was supposed to be the name of our first future daughter but when I dared to “suggest” the name to dear husband, here’s what happened:

Me: “If we ever have a daughter, I have a perfect name”!

Hubby: “Yeah…?”

Me: “Cinnamon”

Hubby: “Over my dead body.”

Me: “Why?!!” (I was sincerely disappointed😔)

Hubby: “I believe it’s one of  the top 10 hooker names…🙄😫.”

Me: “Oh!!??…But we can still…”

I was abruptly interrupted.

Hubby: “Like I said…over my dead body.”

I let it go…this time…BUT as a true female of my specie, I was waiting for him around the corner where he least expected it so as soon as it became sure we were gonna be parents to a dog I came back full force and I said: “Well, since you don’t want me to call our future daughter “Cinnamon”, I get to name the dog!”. The poor man was trapped so he agreed (more like gave up). It was between “Cinnamon” and “Rhubarbe” but since apparently, according to dear husband, it was the year of the “R” (names starting with “R”) for dogs, “we” (I”” 😉) named her “Rhubarbe”

#When you”re cute and you know it😎😏

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“When you’re cute and you know it!😎”

Isn’t she cute? My work is still not done because they’re already ganging up on me. I guess it’s a father-daughter thing, eh?😜

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Of course most of my time is spent trying to figure out ways to get her to love me more😂

Like I said expect to be flooded with cute pics!

Bisoux and talk soon!😘🐍

We often underestimate people closest to us

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We often underestimate people closest to us because well, we live with them! We’ve seen them weak, temporary insane and more. In other words we’ve seen them in all of their glory which is not always a good thing. It happens to me all the time. My husband will try to give me a bit of advice which is sound by the way and I would barely listen and always have something to say or worse intensely nod while thinking about a pair of sunglasses I’ve been thinking of buying. Hence the snippet of convo below:

Me: “Two more pimple on my chin. Great!”

Hubby: “You should lay off the make-up for a while, you know, let your skin breathe.”

Me: “How would you know? No offence but I’m definitely not about to listen to someone with a one-step skincare routine telling me what to do with my skin.”🙄🙄

Hubby: “Well, maybe that’s why my skin looks so good…”😏

He obviously has a point so I leave the room quickly in order to save face.

Two seconds later…

I hop on you tube and some random chick says to go without makeup for a while to let your skin breathe….🙄

Me (go find hubby and announce with great pride): “You know, after watching (insert random You Tuber name here), which I follow by the way (Couldn’t exactly tell him I’d just picked up this ‘life saving tip’ from a random You Tuber), I think it’s important to let my skin breathe…so I’ve decided to go without makeup… at least on weekends…😏😎”

Hubby: “??!!?😖🤯🤯🤢!?”

Of course, I leave the room as quickly as I entered because I just realized what I’ve done. I usually let an hour or so pass before making any sort of eye contact…😋😉.

But then again he does it too and this is something I’ve come to accept as part of growing old with someone. Still, I think it’s important to realize when it’s being done and call each other out which dear husband does very well by the way.

Do you do that too with people close to you? Let me know in the comments and don’t forget to like or share this post!

Bisoux and talk next week😘🐍

Losing the post quarantine weight: The Dukan diet

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Losing the post quarantine weight: The Dukan diet

”Post-quarantine, I am the heaviest I’ve ever been yet the happiest. Still, happiness is not an excuse to double in size unless of course you’re training to be a sumo wrestler…which I am not.”

Monday, July 13th:

Post-quarantine weight: Undisclosed due to a massive amount of ego😎

Progress report as of as of July 13th: So far I’m down 5. 94 lbs (I am strongly tempted to round the .94 to 1 lbs 😋)

First stepping on the scale since quarantine: Monday, June 29th. 

On this diet you can eat as much as you want and being a natural-born glutton I find that comforting. There’s just one caveat…it’s strictly protein and veggies. To my knowledge most people are not inclined to overeat when carb and sugar are not the main ingredients. So skinnytown here I come!”

To be fair this post should be titled losing the pre and post-quarantine weight. As much as I would love to blame quarantine for my surprising (although I know exactly how it happened😉) weight gain, I still somehow feel the need to accept some responsibility for this weight gain🙄. 

Today marks three weeks since I’ve been on the Dukan diet. The last time I was on this diet I had about 10 pounds to lose which I lost very easily. Maybe because I wasn’t as fat as I thought…🙄. If you were skinny and you didn’t know it raise your hands🙆🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️.

Well, this time unlike last time, I am really overweight (About 20 pds overweight😶)

What is the Dukan diet?

It’s a high quality protein/low carb diet structured in 4 phases: Attack, Cruise, consolidation and stabilization. You can find more by following this link: (https://www.dukandiet.com/low-carb-diet/4-phases).

What I like about this diet:

  1. You can eat as much as you want as long as long as you stick with the list of food below which is pretty extensive if you ask me.

2. Since you’re eating strictly lean protein and veggies for a while, it acts as a natural appetite suppressant. Most people are not highly motivated to overeat where carb and sugar are not the main ingredient. 

3. You can go the the Dukan website and have an outline made for you using the 4 phases of the diet depending on your current weight, goal weight as well  as your true weight. The plan tells you how long each phase will last based on your ”predicament😉”

4. Have you ever had recipe books with ingredients so exotic, you’d need to travel around the world just to get them🙄? Well, not with their recipe book. But then again I could be wrong since dear husband cooks most of our meals. I am only the assistant chef after all. It may take a little time to get around but the ingredients used are easy enough to find and most importantly they are ”swappable”.

5. In the book, there are plenty of dessert recipes to chose from which is always a plus. As an example you have a cheese cake recipe that is not bad at all (food pic number 1).

And just in case you’re tempted to feel sorry for me, here’s a few pics of what I’ve been eating so far😁

Number 1 and 2 are from the Dukan recipe book. The fries are rutabaga fries and they were so good! I think I may turn this into a serie complete with food journal where I’ll report weight and observations while on this diet. What do you think? Let me know!

Gros bisoux!😎🐍

 

 

 

 

Things I do to avoid writing on the blog🙄

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In my blogging journey, I’ve had days when I was so excited to write a blog post my hands could barely keep up with my thoughts. I’ve also had days when I’d gladly chose to be a loser for the rest of my life than sitting down at my computer and write a simple blog post.  So I thought I’d give you a glimpse into my “thought process” or the lack of it when inspiration and motivation have left the building without as much as a fair warning.

In this week’s episode of things I’ve done still doing to avoid writing on this blog😏🙄

  • Call a long time bestie to discuss the latest skin care hacks and compare notes. Believe it or not beautiful, shiny skin can and will make you look more successful than you actually are…thank me later😎
  • Review my vision board and double-check if having a blog really fit into my plan for my life🧐
  • Nag my husband about something that happened way before we even met and hold him personally responsible. Unbelievable, I know…Dear husband has recently stopped falling for that one. Now he patiently wait until I finish rambling, opens my computer, pulls out a chair and instructs me to start writing ASAP.🤦🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♀️
  • Paint my nails a bright colour to get in a “writing mood” except nail painting is usually closely followed by full-face makeup plus a couple of YouTube videos on how to “sort out your life”. At this point I am officially down the rabbit hole and there is no turning back…ever.😵🤪
  • Wake up at 5:00 o’clock specifically to write but first start by watching a movie to relax. Promptly fall asleep and wake up just in time for work.😴🤤
  • Make myself a coffee. Once coffee’s ready, realize I really want a latte. Makes latter and go watch 30 minutes of something…anything…
  • Go through contact list and see who I haven’t called in a while and promise myself I’d start writing as soon as I give them a call. By the time I am done, it’s night time.
  • Briefly check the same Instagram account to see if anything has changed since the last time I checked which is probably half a second ago.
  • Write a list of things to do that should have been done 10 years ago.
  • And the list goes on….

Of course while I am doing all this dear husband is patiently observing and trying to gauge when I might exactly…finally…start writing that long-awaited blog post until of course he loses patience and instructs me to start writing now.

As you can see no stone is left unturned in the war against productivity.

Now that you know all my top tips for the most unproductive day, I hope you won’t mind sharing some of the stuff you do to avoid doing things that you know you have to do. Please do share! Bisoux😘🐍

 

 

 

Quarantine: The weight gain is real!

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“If this quarantine doesn’t end soon, I may need a second quarantine to sort out my weight.”

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To all the people who knew me pre-quarantine, don’t be surprised if you fail to recognize me post-quarantine.🤦‍♀️

Last week, knowing I was probably gonna be working mostly from home, I made a very serious eating plan for quarantine life. The kind of plan you make when you have no intention of sticking to any plan: Drastic and vague (No point writing a book about it since we’re not gonna do it, right?).  

Like I said: Drastic like “I vow to stay away from all carb from now on and eat extremely healthy however long this quarantine may last”🙄. Of course no precision was given on what I was going to eat to achieve this lofty goal of mine. Why? Because a clear list of food would have made me realized the real cost of my outsized ambition so instead I decided to feed my delusions. 

In fact, right after I made that wonderful plan I came home to this: 

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Turns out dear husband went grocery shopping and brought home three packs of bagels (shown in the pic above) plus a boatload of croissants (not pictured here since we ate it so fast that by the time this article was written, there was none left!).

“It’s clear dear husband did not get the memo of us munching on celery sticks while sipping lemon water. He’s on a different program. The carb overdose program.”

Imagine starting your quarantine with a boatload of croissants and bagels? It literally felt like a set-up. The croissants only lasted three days. The logic being the sooner we ate it all the sooner we’ll get to go back to our diet. I am not proud of us people, I am definitely not proud of us. To tell you the truth, I feel like I am in the backseat of a speeding car with a dead driver at the wheel.

If this quarantine doesn’t end soon, how am I going to explain all the weight gain? Well, if it’s any consolation most people are going to gain weight. I suppose I could become the only person who refuse to leave quarantine due to weight gain.

As proof, an excerpt of a recent convo with dear husband:

Me: “Oh my God! Look at that pic I just took of myself. I feel like I doubled in size!”

Dear husband: “Yeah…you definitely gained…”

At this point, my eyes are like daggers pointed directly at him. Only a person with foot in mouth syndrome like dear husband would ignore the silent warnings…

Me: “My belly is determined to go North while my butt insist on going South.”

Dear husband: “Yeah, you’re sticking out in all directions..”

The double-headed snake!🐍🐍🐍

The nerve of that man! He’s the one who went grocery shopping for “healthy stuff” and came back with a boatload of croissants and 3 packs of bagels. The thing is though, he’s close to 6 ft tall and I am only 5’2 so the risk of me looking like a can of tuna is getting very real. But then again with this quarantine stuff, the low mood and lack of motivation is real…

Bisoux and keep your social distancing!

 

 

Covid-19: The difficulty of remaining civilized…

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Whether you’re a Zen master or a messy ball of stress,  the current Covid-19 climate does get to you little by little…

Me and my husband went to Costco a few weeks ago and were shocked to see people behaving with a complete absence of logic and humanity, grabbing everything they can get their hands on. We looked at them like a Zen master would a worrying wart: with love and a heavy dose of pity; just like someone who’s found the light would look at a person still scraping in the dark. We are different I thought to myself. We are civil. Or so I thought…

“It’s very difficult to remain civilized when competing for the last loaf of bread with people who think they’re out on a supply run in a walking dead episode…”

First of all, just as usual, we went to grab a shopping cart. There were none. After careful observation, we had to accompany a person with a loaded cart to their car, wait for them to unload it while throwing menacing glances around to discourage anyone to try and grab it before us.

Once inside, we were shocked to see empty rows on empty rows of food while people could barely push their overloaded carts around. I deeply resent the fact that we had to rush in an uncivilized manner to grab the last loaf of bread before someone with a cart full of bread could grab it. This enlightened Libra is still under shock. Let me tell you: It’s  very difficult to remain civilized when competing for the last loaf of bread with people who think they’re out on a supply run in a walking dead episode. In case you’re wondering, we did our best to calmly rush (if it’s even possible…) to essentials without giving the impression we’re lifetime members of the “toilet paper- crazy group”.

“This gives way to an essential question: How long is it possible to keep our civility and humanity during such time of crisis?”

If walking dead is any indication. Not long…but I am sure it won’t get to that point..

In the meantime, let’s try and stay isolated, hydrated and civilized! Gros bisoux!

THE IMPORTANCE OF LOVE LANGUAGES

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“Don’t treat people how you yourself would like to be treated, treat people how they themselves want to be treated. There is a big difference…”

What is love? Love means different things for different people for sure. We all have different ways of showing and receiving love. I suppose it all boils down to love language. To me love is action. I can see it’s the same for my husband as well except we take different actions to show we care. I have noticed people have a tendency to express love the same way they would like it expressed towards them.

“I’d say my love language is pretty simple…I inspire meaning I am your muse.

As a muse the contract is simple: You’ll do all the work and I’ll take all the credit.”

When I love someone I tend to see them in their best light. The problem with leaving under a constant “best light” is that falling short is always around the corner. Sooner or later all gods begin to show their human sides.  My kind of love is:

  • I direct, encourage and grow. Sounds like a an agent, I know. I believe it’s my duty to advise people closest to me. If that sounds like a high-priestess of hype forgive me, I am a Libra after all…🙄
  • I protect by making sure no one takes advantage of or abuse the people I love except myself if course😜. My husband calls it “isolation tactics”😂.
  • I multiply by encouraging you to be the best that you can be meaning you won’t have a moment of peace until you go for that promotion…. just like I instructed told you.
  • And last but not least I inspire which means I am your muse for better or worse and as a muse, the contract is simple: you’ll do all the work and I’ll get all the credit. Which maybe why dear husband usually calls himself my “appointed caregiver”.💅🐍

My husband’s love language

He likes to do things to make my life easier and to make me feel taken care of. That may mean picking me up at the bus station so I don’t have to take the bus when it’s awfully cold. It can be preparing a nice meal or getting me something I might have expressed a desire for. As you can see this man’s love is fully grounded in the practical. Which makes you wonder about my own love language…but like I said I am his muse, right?😜💅

In the end it’s about loving a person the way they want to be loved and appreciated.

What about you dear readers, do you think love languages are important in relationships? Is it important to understand each other’s love language within a relationship? Please do share. Bisous and talk soon!🐍😘

The high cost of being the bigger person

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The high road and all the things in between…

“The problem with being the bigger person is over time, you really do become a bigger person….you basically become fat. Why? Cause you’re so busy trying to one-up mother Theresa on the throne of goodness and light you just don’t realize your emotions have been eating you up the whole time.”

Spoken like a professional “bigger person”.

The past few weeks have been really stressful. I usually like to view myself as the eye of the storm, the peaceful warrior, a classy person, a lady, the person with the bright smile under pressure. Unfortunately, this fabulous bubble I usually like to build around myself was violently busted. I found myself being hurried, busted and wait for it…SWEARING😱…yes, swearing all the freaking time. Which makes me think a lot of behaviors we’ve come to consider as character traits are in fact products of our environment. Last week I found out it’s very difficult to remain a lady when dealing with shitheads (here we go again swearing🙄) over an extended period of time.

“Put yourself often enough in other people’s shoes and pretty soon even your own shoes won’t fit. So stay in your own damn shoes!”

I was discussing a particular stressful situation I am currently experiencing with an acquaintance of mine and he advised me, if I can, to take the high road and try and buy some peace for the time being. It was good, sensible advice except sometimes peace may end up costing you way more than a full-on war would.

“Take the high road they say…be the bigger person they say…Over the years I’ve realized the high road is not all accolades and bright lights. In fact, the high road is full of hair loss,  tooth decay, cystic acne, wrinkle and bitterness.😓”

Spoken by a person who can’t seem to get off the high road…

In life we do a lot of things for a lot of reasons. Sometimes these reasons are right and sometimes they’re wrong but whatever the reason, there’s always a cost and the cost of any action even small is life. With any action, life is either gained in terms of a fully, happier life or life is lost in terms of loss of quality of life, regrets, bitterness and sometimes even diseases. So before you try and be the next mother Theresa think carefully of the cost cause there is certainly a cost which I am pretty sure even mother Theresa had to pay. If you’re thinking of buying peace know that sometimes peace costs more than war. This was my two cents when it comes to being the bigger person and all the stuff in between…

After this civilized rant I can only hope I’ve helped a tiny bit in getting you ready for Monday by sending you guys out into the big bad world all selfish and petty:😏😼) Thank you for reading and talk soon! Gros bisoux!

How to feel like a winner fast: Small wins

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SMALL WINS

“If you look closely you’ll see life is seldom made of those big, huge victory moments but rather small tiny steps towards improvements.”

Last week I had such a terrible week filled with waiting and anxiety and doubt and complete hopelessness. I felt exhausted and so lost. I hate feeling lost, unsure of the next step, unsure if I can even take another step. I truly believe in times like this everybody should have a list of small wins for when you need to feel accomplished and centered fast, sort of like a quick pick-me-up built-me-up. If you look closely you’ll see that life is seldom made of those big, huge victory moments but rather small tiny steps towards improvements. 

I am talking about small wins.  I am not talking about running a marathon while you’ve barely left the couch in the past 10 years. The key point here is it has to be something that makes you feel good and accomplished. It should be a list of small but significant actions that can be done quickly. Naturally that list is going to be different for each person.

A FEW THINGS ON MY LIST OF SMALL WINS (don’t judge me, ok?🙄)

  • Looking at my husband and realizing how much I’ve lucked out with this one… Let’s not say that out loud lest he starts feeling too cocky…😏🐍

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  • Working on a blog post even if it’s just for two minutes makes me feel empowered and I actually tend to be much more efficient when I know I only have 2 minutes. Plus knowing it’s only 2 minutes takes away my excuses not to do it. Quick confession: It also makes me feel very cocky💃
  • Doing my nails💅: Now this may not seem like much but considering how many people walking around with nails that would put Shrek to shame, I’d say it’s a pretty big accomplishment💪😌😏

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  • Sporting a full face of makeup early morning (emphasis on EARLY MORNING please!) when most people look like they haven’t left their bed since 2019🐍💃. Yes, I like looking like I tried….

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“Feeling smug: Thank you mama for those lips!”

  • Comparing my skin to people who are supposed to be younger than me but yet look at least 10 years older….I am petty I know…🐍😏

What about you dear readers? What are the small  things you do to feel accomplished and centered fast? Do share, please!

Gros bisoux and talk soon🐍😘