This shopping addiction could be therapy…

When I was little, one of my dreams when I grow up was to shop until I faint. I do. I shop and dear husband faints (Once he realizes the amount of stuff, still with the tag on, I’ve got hiding in the back of my closet)

I don’t know for you but I find shopping incredibly relaxing. Online shopping, that is. It allows me to clear my head, sort of like a mental flossing. Considering I am in a broke period of my life right now, I mostly browse online. There’s actually very little buying involved. Shameful, I know….Of course it would be nice if a black AmEx card could magically appear while I am doing so but, what can you do, eh? It’s clear I was born to suffer😞🤕.

With quarantine helping, my only solace now lies in filling and emptying my cart online either at H&M or Zara. I don’t actually empty the cart myself…someone (a sadist, no doubt) usually ends up buying the item. The way it’s done is just heartbreaking. The bought item appears crossed out but you can still see it.

H&M pleated faux leather skirt in green olive

Which usually sends me into a pity fest of ”why me😞” with pink violins playing in the back. The last time I woke up to find one my fav item crossed out, dear husband walked in on me, probably thinking I’ve just gotten news somebody died:

Dear husband: “What’s going on”?

Me: “Somebody just bought that olive leather skirt I just put away”

Dear husband: “Still buying stuff you don’t need?”

Me: “No, it’s not that. I mean I don’t actually buy them. I just fill my cart…it’s kind of my happy place right now…”

Dear husband looked sincerely relieved. His training is working. I am adulting big time and it’s all thanks to him. He smiles with the satisfaction of one who specializes in training hard-headed fools….😋😎

Dear husband: ” Thought I was your happy place?

Me: ” Not funny, you know. My closet and by extension my life may never feel whole without this skirt.😔”

Dear husband: “Don’t worry. It’ll come back.”

Me: “How do you know?”

Dear husband:” I do it too.”

Shocker! The man actually has a soul. He feels things much deeper than I ever thought he could. Maybe all is not lost after all….

Now if you’re one of those warrior minimalist type, you’re probably thinking to yourself: “Great! Another sick person trying to pass off their addiction as useful!” You’re absolutely right.

What about you, dear friend? (I always feel like I should be wearing a matching set while saying dear), what’s your happy place? If it’s online shopping browsing, Dm me. We could create a Facebook group. We could call it, say, “Broke online browsers anonymous”. What do you say?

Gros bisoux and stalk soon!😘🐍

The problem with finding your “passion”…🙄😣

“Major sacrifices will be required and we’re not talking blood of lambs here…”

Last week was my birthday and I am conscious I was all over this space singing the praise of gratefulness and the value of counting one’s blessings and I meant it….except…🤦🏾‍♀️. Today I am coming to you with a rant. If you’re beginning to think human beings default mode could be unwavering ungratefulness, you are not alone dear friend.

Follow your passion and you’ll never work a day in your life”

This is such a load of bull (excuse my bitterness😩). If you look at the real root meaning of the word “passion”, it means : “Suffering, enduring,” from past participle stem of Latin  pati  “to endure, undergo, experience,”…The notion is “that which must be endured.” – Etymonline

The sad truth is your passion is not going to save you from hard, back-breaking, numbing work. Passion or not you will not escape sacrifices. On the contrary you will have to make even more sacrifices than people who do not insist on skipping to work every day.”

If you think this is depressing wait, there’s even more heartbreaking news coming your way. Hard work is hiding everywhere, even behind this lovely passion of yours so choose carefully; because you won’t be able to work hard on everything all at one.

Most likely while you’re working hard on your passion, your relationships are disintegrating due to neglect. Hard work is most definitely hiding behind this soul mate you think you may have just found; hard work is also hiding behind this new exciting friendship you’re just developing; it’s even hiding behind these beautiful Pinterest inspiration boards (God damn it!). It’s been hiding for decades behind this lovely “boss lady” dripping in brand names and standing in a power pose that could put the incredible hulk to shame(ATTENTION: Stressful, dishevelled nights alone not pictured🙄).

Which is why it’s important to try and prioritize those things that are really important to you and refrain from wanting to win at everything cause the minute you win at something, you lose at something else. You can’t keep all the boats afloat.

So take solace in hard, backbreaking work if you want that passion as much as you say you want it; if you want that relationship as much as you say you want it; if you want those red soles as much as you say you want it; if you want that architectural digest home as much as you say you want it.

Bisoux and talk soon😘

Grateful to be another year older.

Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” –

Anonymous

A few days ago (October 10th) I turned 33, I mean 43😋. Oh my, how time flies! Usually at this time of year, when my birthday comes around I’d be depressed, wondering why am I allowed to continue such unaccomplished, failed-to-meet-every-expectation-set-by-my-parents’ life. But this time, something different happened: I got tired of bashing my own damn self; it finally dawn upon me that well, 43 years has passed and another 10 may very well passed and find me still bashing myself for reasons that sometimes don’t even make sense.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” —Robert Brault

What I am about to say may sound cliché to the point of possibly making you puke but clichés do hold a lot of truths. So I realized (I mean I always knew but somehow it never fully clicked until now…) a few things:

I am never going to be as young (and foolish😋) as I am now. Now, later on I might be better, look better but one thing for sure: I’ll never be 43 again.

Of course when you think about it this way I do wonder why in the hell have I not been celebrating all year long instead of waiting to the very end and get all mushy and grateful. But such is the human condition (mom, is that you speaking?🙄); sometimes I think our sole mission on earth as humans is to turn this simple thing called life into something so complex we can barely make it through.

in Dale Carnegie’s book How to make friends and influence people, there’s a chapter titled: Would you take a million for what you have? Whenever I feel a bout of ungratefulness coming up I make it a point to do this little exercise; I ask myself: If somebody were to give me a million for, say my beautiful eyes, would I take it? Would I exchange what I currently have for what I think I may not have or might have missed? Of course not! This simple exercise helps me put things into perspective and realize I have more than enough.

Now I am not sure if I’ll feel the same way once I hit 80! I can only hope to be lucky enough to hit that milestones with a full head of hair, great health and the people I love besides me!

Growing old can be a blessing if don’t insist on being a martyr☺😋

How to get into the best shape of your life and keep the weight off for good

“Look at it as self-care, something ongoing like brushing your teeth every morning. You don’t brush your teeth for summer and then forget all about them for winter. At least I hope you don’t for your own sake”😉

The face you make weighing yourself on Monday after living it up the entire weekend🙄

A few years ago I started having problems I’ve never had before like digestive problems, overloaded liver, big up and downs in energy, anemia and my fibroids coming back with a vengeance. As usual, I ignored them and continue my lifelong quest of being skinny. But when the body is tired, there’s no ignoring so the hints became stronger and stronger until they could no longer be ignored. This is what forced me into viewing the health of my body in a different way because the old way simply wasn’t working anymore. I still struggle with my old “get skinny at any cost mentality” but I do believe I am getting better. so how do you get into the best shape of your life? My humble take on it below and I am still learning:

Examine the reasoning behind it: The reasons why we do things strongly influence the way we do things.

Back in the days I would lose weight for summer, gain it all back during winter and lose it all again for the upcoming summer except most times I would not necessarily be as successful as the last time and there would always be some kind of residual pounds left. But then again it makes sense when you look at it: If I am only losing weight for summer, it’s only logical that I gain it all back once summer is over, right? But if I am simply caring for my body and giving it what it needs when it needs it, then it becomes not a specific goal for a specific time but simply a way of life.

Change the way you see your body: Instead, see your body as your number one ally in this thing called life

When I was young and careless, I used to think my body was my slave, my bitch literally but as I became more matured, I realized my body is more than this separate entity that needs to fit into specific sizes. Instead, I am starting to see my body more and more as my most prized possession, my number one ally in this thing called life. Consequently, I understand I need to care for it in the gentlest possible way so it can last as long as possible and that made all of the difference. I want to buy clothes that fit my body and not force my body to fit into clothes that does not fit it. I want to be healthy first and foremost even if it means a curvier version of me. I don’t want to be skinny, I want to be fit (Can’t believe I am saying that🙄).  I acknowledge that my body is changing and I need to accommodate it by giving it what it needs. Which means: Proper nutrition, good sleep, rest and relaxation. Believe me, it’s not easy for someone accustomed to the next crazy diet and next crazy exercise (Proof: Workout that delivers: 30 min hit) but I am getting there. Me thinks it finally clicked.

The minute you start viewing your body, your health in this way, you soon realize you don’t have to hop on the next crazy diet. You have time. In fact, you have your entire life to get in the best shape of your life. No stress, no abusing your body.

What about you guys? Would you like to add something to the conversation? Has this quarantine forced you to see caring for your body in any different way? How has your view on health and wellness changed as you’re evolving into a better, more matured version of yourself?

The first and last time I went to a meditation class

“I’ve always envied people who meditate… It’s like the most grown-up thing to do; like saying no to that second glass of wine cause you’ve got to get up early for work the next day.”

Meditation. Yoga funny Cartoon By Gemma Correll
Meditation. Yoga funny Cartoon By Gemma Correl.

Like I said grown-up stuff. Consequently, it was only a matter of time before I tried it myself. So one day, I woke up and told myself: I am ready. I was already enrolled at the YMCA so I just showed up to one of their early morning meditation class. I made sure to come in early to get a good spot. Just a tad bit far enough from the stage to exit quickly in case I happen to get bored out of my mind.😉

While everybody was getting ready to enter nirvana and make love to their center I was thinking to myself: “The teacher lost a ton of weight. Would she tell me if I asked her nicely? I don’t think she lost all that weight just by doing yoga…maybe if I tell her how much I love her class class, she’ll tell me exactly how she lost all that weight…”

In the middle of my pondering, enters a young woman, early 30’s. We’ll call her miss Yogalate. She had what I called to soft tofu look: Long, lean and all in soft curves. This kind of look is often paired with what I called the marinated Tempeh face (kind of like someone low key sucking on a lemon). She was wearing a loose top with matching yoga pants and carrying a highly pedigreed water bottle.🙄

Our eyes met. She approached my corner of the room and started spreading her mat all over as if I was renting a corner of her bedroom. I moved my mat a tiny bit further out to counter her effort at pushing my mat too far out. She looked at me and asked with raised manicured eyebrows:

Miss Yogalate: “Is this your first class?”😏

Me: “Yeah..does it show that much?”

Miss Yogalate: “Oh no, it’s just that we’ve been welcoming all sort of people here lately…so…”

In her presence, I felt like one of those flies that live exclusively on dead animals.

Miss Yogalate: “I was wondering….can you move your mat just a little?”

Me: “Sorry if I move it any further I won’t be able to hear the teacher.”

She  thought about it for a while and then a genius idea hit her: “Tell you what, she said, there’s a spot right by the teacher in front. Why don’t you move over there? You’ll be much closer plus she’ll be able to keep an eye on you…”

Me; “No thank you. I have the perfect spot. right here…that’s why I try and come in early…”🐍

To cut the whole t hing short, I turned around and started busying myself, getting ready for the class. I could still feel her eyes on my back. Finally, the teacher announced the class was starting. Saved by the bell.

Unbelievable. Coming in all late and wrong and still expecting priority seating.

Turns out the meditating wasn’t bad at all. Since it’s the first class I wasn’t necessary able to even scratch the surface of my center but I am open to give it another go if the opportunity rises. All in all I would do it again😊

You can also read about my first art class here: THE SADDEST ART CLASS I EVER TOOK

If you like this article, please don’t forget to comment, share and subscribe! Bisous 😘🐍

 

 

A new addition to the family

We have  a new addition to the family and her name is Rhubarbe! This is of course without counting my niece’s dogs (See how cute they are here )

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Dear followers, just know you barely escaped a gender reveal. Of course, to make up for that expect the next blog posts to be flooded with pics of Rubarbe #Shamelessnewparents#

Now you may think to yourself, why did they (I meant “Me”) have to go and name the first addition to the family after a comestible plant🙄? Well, just know the poor dog came this close to be named “Cinnamon” (“Cannelle” in French)! Plus dear hubby owed me one. You see, “Cinnamon” was supposed to be the name of our first future daughter but when I dared to “suggest” the name to dear husband, here’s what happened:

Me: “If we ever have a daughter, I have a perfect name”!

Hubby: “Yeah…?”

Me: “Cinnamon”

Hubby: “Over my dead body.”

Me: “Why?!!” (I was sincerely disappointed😔)

Hubby: “I believe it’s one of  the top 10 hooker names…🙄😫.”

Me: “Oh!!??…But we can still…”

I was abruptly interrupted.

Hubby: “Like I said…over my dead body.”

I let it go…this time…BUT as a true female of my specie, I was waiting for him around the corner where he least expected it so as soon as it became sure we were gonna be parents to a dog I came back full force and I said: “Well, since you don’t want me to call our future daughter “Cinnamon”, I get to name the dog!”. The poor man was trapped so he agreed (more like gave up). It was between “Cinnamon” and “Rhubarbe” but since apparently, according to dear husband, it was the year of the “R” (names starting with “R”) for dogs, “we” (I”” 😉) named her “Rhubarbe”

#When you”re cute and you know it😎😏

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“When you’re cute and you know it!😎”

Isn’t she cute? My work is still not done because they’re already ganging up on me. I guess it’s a father-daughter thing, eh?😜

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Of course most of my time is spent trying to figure out ways to get her to love me more😂

Like I said expect to be flooded with cute pics!

Bisoux and talk soon!😘🐍

We often underestimate people closest to us

We often underestimate people closest to us because well, we live with them! We’ve seen them weak, temporary insane and more. In other words we’ve seen them in all of their glory which is not always a good thing. It happens to me all the time. My husband will try to give me a bit of advice which is sound by the way and I would barely listen and always have something to say or worse intensely nod while thinking about a pair of sunglasses I’ve been thinking of buying. Hence the snippet of convo below:

Me: “Two more pimple on my chin. Great!”

Hubby: “You should lay off the make-up for a while, you know, let your skin breathe.”

Me: “How would you know? No offence but I’m definitely not about to listen to someone with a one-step skincare routine telling me what to do with my skin.”🙄🙄

Hubby: “Well, maybe that’s why my skin looks so good…”😏

He obviously has a point so I leave the room quickly in order to save face.

Two seconds later…

I hop on you tube and some random chick says to go without makeup for a while to let your skin breathe….🙄

Me (go find hubby and announce with great pride): “You know, after watching (insert random You Tuber name here), which I follow by the way (Couldn’t exactly tell him I’d just picked up this ‘life saving tip’ from a random You Tuber), I think it’s important to let my skin breathe…so I’ve decided to go without makeup… at least on weekends…😏😎”

Hubby: “??!!?😖🤯🤯🤢!?”

Of course, I leave the room as quickly as I entered because I just realized what I’ve done. I usually let an hour or so pass before making any sort of eye contact…😋😉.

But then again he does it too and this is something I’ve come to accept as part of growing old with someone. Still, I think it’s important to realize when it’s being done and call each other out which dear husband does very well by the way.

Do you do that too with people close to you? Let me know in the comments and don’t forget to like or share this post!

Bisoux and talk next week😘🐍

Losing the post quarantine weight: The Dukan diet

Losing the post quarantine weight: The Dukan diet

”Post-quarantine, I am the heaviest I’ve ever been yet the happiest. Still, happiness is not an excuse to double in size unless of course you’re training to be a sumo wrestler…which I am not.”

Monday, July 13th:

Post-quarantine weight: Undisclosed due to a massive amount of ego😎

Progress report as of as of July 13th: So far I’m down 5. 94 lbs (I am strongly tempted to round the .94 to 1 lbs 😋)

First stepping on the scale since quarantine: Monday, June 29th. 

On this diet you can eat as much as you want and being a natural-born glutton I find that comforting. There’s just one caveat…it’s strictly protein and veggies. To my knowledge most people are not inclined to overeat when carb and sugar are not the main ingredients. So skinnytown here I come!”

To be fair this post should be titled losing the pre and post-quarantine weight. As much as I would love to blame quarantine for my surprising (although I know exactly how it happened😉) weight gain, I still somehow feel the need to accept some responsibility for this weight gain🙄. 

Today marks three weeks since I’ve been on the Dukan diet. The last time I was on this diet I had about 10 pounds to lose which I lost very easily. Maybe because I wasn’t as fat as I thought…🙄. If you were skinny and you didn’t know it raise your hands🙆🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️.

Well, this time unlike last time, I am really overweight (About 20 pds overweight😶)

What is the Dukan diet?

It’s a high quality protein/low carb diet structured in 4 phases: Attack, Cruise, consolidation and stabilization. You can find more by following this link: (https://www.dukandiet.com/low-carb-diet/4-phases).

What I like about this diet:

  1. You can eat as much as you want as long as long as you stick with the list of food below which is pretty extensive if you ask me.

2. Since you’re eating strictly lean protein and veggies for a while, it acts as a natural appetite suppressant. Most people are not highly motivated to overeat where carb and sugar are not the main ingredient. 

3. You can go the the Dukan website and have an outline made for you using the 4 phases of the diet depending on your current weight, goal weight as well  as your true weight. The plan tells you how long each phase will last based on your ”predicament😉”

4. Have you ever had recipe books with ingredients so exotic, you’d need to travel around the world just to get them🙄? Well, not with their recipe book. But then again I could be wrong since dear husband cooks most of our meals. I am only the assistant chef after all. It may take a little time to get around but the ingredients used are easy enough to find and most importantly they are ”swappable”.

5. In the book, there are plenty of dessert recipes to chose from which is always a plus. As an example you have a cheese cake recipe that is not bad at all (food pic number 1).

And just in case you’re tempted to feel sorry for me, here’s a few pics of what I’ve been eating so far😁

Number 1 and 2 are from the Dukan recipe book. The fries are rutabaga fries and they were so good! I think I may turn this into a serie complete with food journal where I’ll report weight and observations while on this diet. What do you think? Let me know!

Gros bisoux!😎🐍

 

 

 

 

Things I do to avoid writing on the blog🙄

In my blogging journey, I’ve had days when I was so excited to write a blog post my hands could barely keep up with my thoughts. I’ve also had days when I’d gladly chose to be a loser for the rest of my life than sitting down at my computer and write a simple blog post.  So I thought I’d give you a glimpse into my “thought process” or the lack of it when inspiration and motivation have left the building without as much as a fair warning.

In this week’s episode of things I’ve done still doing to avoid writing on this blog😏🙄

  • Call a long time bestie to discuss the latest skin care hacks and compare notes. Believe it or not beautiful, shiny skin can and will make you look more successful than you actually are…thank me later😎
  • Review my vision board and double-check if having a blog really fit into my plan for my life🧐
  • Nag my husband about something that happened way before we even met and hold him personally responsible. Unbelievable, I know…Dear husband has recently stopped falling for that one. Now he patiently wait until I finish rambling, opens my computer, pulls out a chair and instructs me to start writing ASAP.🤦🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♀️
  • Paint my nails a bright colour to get in a “writing mood” except nail painting is usually closely followed by full-face makeup plus a couple of YouTube videos on how to “sort out your life”. At this point I am officially down the rabbit hole and there is no turning back…ever.😵🤪
  • Wake up at 5:00 o’clock specifically to write but first start by watching a movie to relax. Promptly fall asleep and wake up just in time for work.😴🤤
  • Make myself a coffee. Once coffee’s ready, realize I really want a latte. Makes latter and go watch 30 minutes of something…anything…
  • Go through contact list and see who I haven’t called in a while and promise myself I’d start writing as soon as I give them a call. By the time I am done, it’s night time.
  • Briefly check the same Instagram account to see if anything has changed since the last time I checked which is probably half a second ago.
  • Write a list of things to do that should have been done 10 years ago.
  • And the list goes on….

Of course while I am doing all this dear husband is patiently observing and trying to gauge when I might exactly…finally…start writing that long-awaited blog post until of course he loses patience and instructs me to start writing now.

As you can see no stone is left unturned in the war against productivity.

Now that you know all my top tips for the most unproductive day, I hope you won’t mind sharing some of the stuff you do to avoid doing things that you know you have to do. Please do share! Bisoux😘🐍

 

 

 

Quarantine: The weight gain is real!

“If this quarantine doesn’t end soon, I may need a second quarantine to sort out my weight.”

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To all the people who knew me pre-quarantine, don’t be surprised if you fail to recognize me post-quarantine.🤦‍♀️

Last week, knowing I was probably gonna be working mostly from home, I made a very serious eating plan for quarantine life. The kind of plan you make when you have no intention of sticking to any plan: Drastic and vague (No point writing a book about it since we’re not gonna do it, right?).  

Like I said: Drastic like “I vow to stay away from all carb from now on and eat extremely healthy however long this quarantine may last”🙄. Of course no precision was given on what I was going to eat to achieve this lofty goal of mine. Why? Because a clear list of food would have made me realized the real cost of my outsized ambition so instead I decided to feed my delusions. 

In fact, right after I made that wonderful plan I came home to this: 

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Turns out dear husband went grocery shopping and brought home three packs of bagels (shown in the pic above) plus a boatload of croissants (not pictured here since we ate it so fast that by the time this article was written, there was none left!).

“It’s clear dear husband did not get the memo of us munching on celery sticks while sipping lemon water. He’s on a different program. The carb overdose program.”

Imagine starting your quarantine with a boatload of croissants and bagels? It literally felt like a set-up. The croissants only lasted three days. The logic being the sooner we ate it all the sooner we’ll get to go back to our diet. I am not proud of us people, I am definitely not proud of us. To tell you the truth, I feel like I am in the backseat of a speeding car with a dead driver at the wheel.

If this quarantine doesn’t end soon, how am I going to explain all the weight gain? Well, if it’s any consolation most people are going to gain weight. I suppose I could become the only person who refuse to leave quarantine due to weight gain.

As proof, an excerpt of a recent convo with dear husband:

Me: “Oh my God! Look at that pic I just took of myself. I feel like I doubled in size!”

Dear husband: “Yeah…you definitely gained…”

At this point, my eyes are like daggers pointed directly at him. Only a person with foot in mouth syndrome like dear husband would ignore the silent warnings…

Me: “My belly is determined to go North while my butt insist on going South.”

Dear husband: “Yeah, you’re sticking out in all directions..”

The double-headed snake!🐍🐍🐍

The nerve of that man! He’s the one who went grocery shopping for “healthy stuff” and came back with a boatload of croissants and 3 packs of bagels. The thing is though, he’s close to 6 ft tall and I am only 5’2 so the risk of me looking like a can of tuna is getting very real. But then again with this quarantine stuff, the low mood and lack of motivation is real…

Bisoux and keep your social distancing!