Whenever me and dear husband have an argument I like to isolate myself until I calm down. That is until dear husband has had time to realize everything is his fault and I am a saint. Which doesn’t really take long considering the man is the only adult in the relationship.
So the other day I was talking to dear husband and he was like: “I think our dog is sulking again🙄”
Me: “Again?! All this dog do is sulk and fart”
Dear husband: “Yeah…Doesn’t that remind you of someone?”
Me: “Well, not really…I mean…”
Dear Husband: “You!”
Me: “Me!? Well, minus the farting part…I hope…”
Me: ” I need you to answer this…like you need to reassure me there are more to our marriage than sulking and farting… although I do disown the last part…”
After having a good laugh at my expense he finally answered: ” Of course, honey…”
At this point my ego decided to believe him even though he didn’t look that convinced himself. Sometimes you just got to believe people for your own good, you know…😎.
But all things considered, Rhubarbe is truly a dog after my own heart and personality. We love hard but we sulk just as hard. We don’t hate because it causes wrinkle. We bitch a lot. It’s a way to get the venom out. Other than (all of that😋) we are adorable beings.
Last year right in the middle of quarantine, dear husband and I started limiting our carbs and eating mostly protein and veggies. With that, by mid-October I had already lost close to 18 pounds. I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I was of myself.
“While most everyone around me were crumbling under insane amounts of weight gain with some even growing extra chins in the process; there I was, 15 pounds lighter, walking around like the last man standing. Naturally, what was bound to happen, happened. I became cocky…”
And so disturbingly so I became complacent. I started slipping and not the kind of slipping where you miss a step. No. The kind of slipping where you miss so many steps you can’t even retrace your steps. All this to say; I am back on the getting back in shape bandwagon and it’s not funny. It goes without saying that I am bitter as well 🙄
So, with that in mind, please allow me to serve as both a warning and a messenger of hope with a few advice to help you stay the course of getting back in shape. A few rules I try to follow whenever I am trying to get back on the weight loss bandwagon:
Start right now! Do not wait for your fridge to be empty or your cook to die so you can be free from temptation. Start now.
Start with exercise or diet? Just start with what’s easiest for you. For me it’s exercise but it does not have to be long. It could be just 20 or 15 or 10 minutes of a fitness video or a simple walk.
Start small and build it up from there. The point is to get into the habit, not having result right away: One good thing I did right before the holidays was that I maintained or at least tried to maintain my exercise routine which was and still remains two sessions of weight lifting twice a week. Because I knew it was gonna be difficult getting back in shape after such a big slip and I didn’t want to find myself not only cleaning up my diet but also trying to get back to a new exercise routine.
Redefine result: When we’re trying to lose weight, we tend to obsess over the scale and lose track of other measures of result. Replace the word result by improvement. Instead of keeping track of weight lost or gained, at first; keep track of improvements. A few other “measures of result” that we don’t often stop to realize are: Having a bit more energy, mood improving, sleep improving, more focus… so enlarge your definition of result. I know it’s difficult because when I first heard of that same thing I was like, who cares if I am sleeping well as long as I am skinny?🙄
Start a journal to keep track of any positive things happening as a result of your new efforts.
Give yourself 6 weeks to start seeing some improvement. Notice I did not say results but improvements. There is a difference.
Next week I will continue with other tips and let you know how I am personally failing at taking my own advice😅 and update you on my getting back in shape journal. If you have any other tips and experience, please comment below. I’d love to hear them!
Rubarbe, our cute little English Bulldog ( A new addition to the family) was scheduled for a surgery last week. Stressful week, I tell you! I was consumed with worry so instead of admitting to myself I was worried sick and maybe help dear husband organize the logistics, yours truly hopped on her favourite soapbox and started re-enacting a very unconvincing version of a calm, keep-it-together-at-all-cost dog mom.😖
Situation number 1: Me; “Oh, look at my poor little doggy walking around with no idea what’s about to happen to her.”😥 Meanwhile poor little doggy is walking around being his ecstatic devilish self chasing the poor cat and literally biting the hell out of the hands that feed her…🙄.
Situation number 2:Me: Poor little doggy…it’s like she knows, you know. She must feel it somehow...” Meanwhile poor little doggy is scarfing down the entire content of her plate and growling because said plate is starting to look empty…probably forgetting she’s actually the one eating it.
Situation number 3: Me talking to little doggy: “Don’t worry mommy will be there to pick you up as soon as it’s over”. Meanwhile little doggy is mercilessly chewing on one of my socks…🙄.
Finally dear husband who’s been listening from the sideline the entire time finally reached the end of his rope and jumped in: “I am confused, are you trying to comfort the dog or yourself?” To which I answered: “To tell you the truth, I am as confused as you.”
As much as I hate to admit it, dear husband was right. I was sick with worry but instead of admitting it to myself and do something constructive I decided to bug little doggy with it. Which makes me wonder: Sometimes when we worry about people, do we worry about ourselves or them? Are we projecting our own worries onto them? Is that a way to show we care without taking any real, tangible action? Is there even such a thing as healthy worrying? Comment below.
Most peeps would say it’s meditation. These are the grown-ups. The same people that retired before 40, do yoga every morning and drink 16 gallons of water a day🐍. Naturally, being a free spirit, it would not be my immediate answer to the question: What is the single fastest way to live more in the present?
My answer: Get a living thing and take good care of it. Now by living thing, I don’t mean a plant that you can casually murder and use as click bait on your dating profile to endear yourself to your future ex. No, I mean a breathing, living thing that can bite and scratch like a dog or a cat. Or a bird or any other small animal depending on the amount of space available.
In June, me and my husband got a dog. An extremely demanding little dog named Rhubarbe. Our lives have changed so much since then. For one thing, we’re more relaxed and we laugh more. We also play a lot more. Mostly due to those sharp teeth which she uses freely whenever she wants to play and we’re not displaying enough enthusiasm 😩. With her around, no matter how hard I try I can’t stay mad or sad for long.
A loving animal however small can pull you out of your head and Bring you back to the present moment. I think this is the best thing that could have ever happened to us this year considering how tough the whole year has been.
What about you guys? If you had to pick a single fastest way to live more in the present, what would it be? Please share below!
Look at us. We look very happy, don’t we? Little did I know 6 years in I was gonna be replaced. At first, he could not get enough of me. I mean I was everywhere. Pics of me eating, pics of me sleeping, pics of me (again, I know) laughing and just being my beautiful silly self.
Of course, being the reasonable person that I am, I did not expect this to last forever. Just till we both turn 150. Is that too much to ask for a woman as beautiful as me? Most people would agree, it’s not. And if you disagree I don’t know who you are and what to tell you😎
Fast forward June 6, 2020, we left home a family of two and came back a family of three. I was replaced by Rhubarbe. A four-legged creature who farts and snores (If that sounds like someone you know, I am sorry😂).
Since Rhubarbe came into our lives, my husband’s phone has nothing but pics of her. Pics of Rhubarbe sleeping, pics of Rhubarbe chewing expensive footwears, pics of Rhubarbe shamelessly biting the hand that feeds her (told you she was cute and cold). I could keep going but decency is forcing me to leave it at that.
Between us guys, his phone has officially become a daddy’s phone. When I dared to mention this to him, his answer was: “Well, she’s beautiful and cute and deserves pics of herself everywhere.”
Shameful, I know… Which reminds me this used to be me…
Meanwhile, I have to practically beg for a pic. But you want to know the funny thing? I am not mad at all. Except when I am due for an Instagram post. In fact, I welcome my new threesome status. Things being what they are, I might as well show off my new threesome status. 😋😎
“When I was little, one of my dreams when I grow up was to shop until I faint. I do. I shop and dear husband faints (Once he realizes the amount of stuff, still with the tag on, I’ve got hiding in the back of my closet)“
I don’t know for you but I find shopping incredibly relaxing. Online shopping, that is. It allows me to clear my head, sort of like a mental flossing. Considering I am in a broke period of my life right now, I mostly browse online. There’s actually very little buying involved. Shameful, I know….Of course it would be nice if a black AmEx card could magically appear while I am doing so but, what can you do, eh? It’s clear I was born to suffer😞🤕.
With quarantine helping, my only solace now lies in filling and emptying my cart online either at H&M or Zara. I don’t actually empty the cart myself…someone (a sadist, no doubt) usually ends up buying the item. The way it’s done is just heartbreaking. The bought item appears crossed out but you can still see it.
Which usually sends me into a pity fest of ”why me😞” with pink violins playing in the back. The last time I woke up to find one my fav item crossed out, dear husband walked in on me, probably thinking I’ve just gotten news somebody died:
Dear husband: “What’s going on”?
Me: “Somebody just bought that olive leather skirt I just put away”
Dear husband: “Still buying stuff you don’t need?”
Me: “No, it’s not that. I mean I don’t actually buy them. I just fill my cart…it’s kind of my happy place right now…”
Dear husband looked sincerely relieved. His training is working. I am adulting big time and it’s all thanks to him. He smiles with the satisfaction of one who specializes in training hard-headed fools….😋😎
Dear husband: ” Thought I was your happy place?
Me: ” Not funny, you know. My closet and by extension my life may never feel whole without this skirt.😔”
Dear husband: “Don’t worry. It’ll come back.”
Me: “How do you know?”
Dear husband:” I do it too.”
Shocker! The man actually has a soul. He feels things much deeper than I ever thought he could. Maybe all is not lost after all….
Now if you’re one of those warrior minimalist type, you’re probably thinking to yourself: “Great! Another sick person trying to pass off their addiction as useful!” You’re absolutely right.
What about you, dear friend? (I always feel like I should be wearing a matching set while saying dear), what’s your happy place? If it’s online shopping browsing, Dm me. We could create a Facebook group. We could call it, say, “Broke online browsers anonymous”. What do you say?
Today, I am coming to you with a piece of writing by a writer I really admire not only because she’s a very talented writer but because she’s my little niece, one of the very few people I can actually call early morning and give advice on things I, clearly, am not even practising myself🙄😎
The many ways I procrastinate…
I’m a master of the art of procrastination. People like me typically do well under pressure. Why? We have spent our entire lives perfecting homework, exams, and projects at that last moment. I have no shame, so here are some of my Achilles heels for you to judge and maybe relate to.
First, I create a list of all the things I have to do, and sometimes if I’m really feeling productive (in other words, delusional), my to-do list has subsections. For example, chores:
Clean the Floor
My apartment is all hardwood, not a carpet in sight. But I feel I must add vacuuming to the list. I’ve owned my vacuum for almost six months, and I think I’ve used it twice.
Then I scroll through YouTube because I must have the proper music to induce productivity. Usually, about 3 hours later, I’m done with you Tube, and no, I did not create a playlist but I have expanded my knowledge on dance moves I can never emulate and watched enough cute cat and dog videos to make me want to get another pet. At least until my two dogs, Yuki and Tigress do something to remind me my life was more peaceful before pets. Not happier but quieter, but life is short, so who wants peace and quiet anyway?
Productivity is still the name of the game, and I haven’t given up. So I visit my best frenemy Netflix. Now I know what you’re wondering, ” How deep is her delusion that she thinks Netflix, of all things, will help her be productive?” There is a method to the madness. The goal here is to choose something I’ve seen several times before. So much so that it can become background noise while I do things. This sometimes works. The pitfall is the currently watching shows you have to scroll through before you get to that oldie but goodie. I usually don’t make it, and the next thing I know, I get up to pee, and it’s 10 PM.
I have accomplished nothing from my list, but there’s always tomorrow. I just have to find the right playlist….
“The first night we brought her home, we started grinning at everything she did with wonder and admiration. We grinned through her sleeping and eating like a glutton. Heck, we even grinned when she started farting with great abandon.”
Noticed how blissfully happy we look in this pic? The sort of happiness only seen in people blissfully unaware of what lays ahead.
I remember when hubby announced we’ve finally saved enough to get a dog, he tried to warm me up to the idea that the first weeks may prove to be difficult. I acted with the disdain of a clueless little person who’s out of her league and does not even know it:
Hubby: ” Just so you know, it’s gonna be a tough few weeks, I mean at the beginning…”
Me: ” You can be so negative😫. It’s not like we’re getting a full size Shrek or something🙄…”
Hubby: ” Well…”
Me (Cutting him off): “Listen, I’ve had plenty of dogs! You don’t have to worry about me! Worry about yourself!”😏
Fast forward a week later, we have not slept full nights since this beautiful, happy, angel face of a doggy entered our lives. But not to worry, she herself sleeps plenty as evidenced by the pic below.
”Her favourite way of showing discontentment is by screaming her head off at nights as if suddenly possessed whenever she wakes up to the reality that she’s not, as her dreams would have her believe, in our bed but in hers.”
Like many new parents, we made the mistake of letting her sleep in our bed. After one too many sleepless nights, we learned our lesson and are now in the process of trying to get her to sleep in the cute little doggy bed we bought her just for that. As expected, she’s justly outraged. Well, more like pissed.
Without going into great details, just know the past few weeks I’ve cleaned more poop than I’ve ever cleaned in my entire life…
Her toys of predilection are shoes, feet of chairs and anything within chewing distance.
In spite of all this, do we still love her? Yes. Because we decided we don’t mind suffering as long as we get to have someone that cute in our lives. Plus she’s just our type: Cute and expensive!
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We have a new addition to the family and her name is Rhubarbe! This is of course without counting my niece’s dogs (See how cute they are here )
Dear followers, just know you barely escaped a gender reveal. Of course, to make up for that expect the next blog posts to be flooded with pics of Rubarbe #Shamelessnewparents#
Now you may think to yourself, why did they (I meant “Me”) have to go and name the first addition to the family after a comestible plant🙄? Well, just know the poor dog came this close to be named “Cinnamon” (“Cannelle” in French)! Plus dear hubby owed me one. You see, “Cinnamon” was supposed to be the name of our first future daughter but when I dared to “suggest” the name to dear husband, here’s what happened:
Me: “If we ever have a daughter, I have a perfect name”!
Hubby: “Over my dead body.”
Me: “Why?!!” (I was sincerely disappointed😔)
Hubby: “I believe it’s one of the top 10 hooker names…🙄😫.”
Me: “Oh!!??…But we can still…”
I was abruptly interrupted.
Hubby: “Like I said…over my dead body.”
I let it go…this time…BUT as a true female of my specie, I was waiting for him around the corner where he least expected it so as soon as it became sure we were gonna be parents to a dog I came back full force and I said: “Well, since you don’t want me to call our future daughter “Cinnamon”, I get to name the dog!”. The poor man was trapped so he agreed (more like gave up). It was between “Cinnamon” and “Rhubarbe” but since apparently, according to dear husband, it was the year of the “R” (names starting with “R”) for dogs, “we” (I”” 😉) named her “Rhubarbe”
#When you”re cute and you know it😎😏
Isn’t she cute? My work is still not done because they’re already ganging up on me. I guess it’s a father-daughter thing, eh?😜
Of course most of my time is spent trying to figure out ways to get her to love me more😂
“When my mom who’s pure Haitian noticed I was wearing nothing but black and white in most of my pics, she inquired (with great worry) if somebody has just died.”🤦🏽♀️🤣
Most times when I am getting ready in the morning, I’ll usually have this kind of convo with dear husband:
Husband: “You should wear more colour’. Colour suits you so well”
Me: (silently pulling out my all black outfit with hints of grey as accent colour. All of this with a smirk on my face.)
Husband: “Hello..Did you hear what I just said?!”
I took some time to answer since I was trying to put that in plain language so he can understand😏😎. When you’re forced to explain elevation to the masses.🙄
Me:”I know what I am doing. You see, black and white automatically looks more polished, more put together, more…expensive…”
Husband: (shakes head heavily, face heavy with sadness): 😫😌
Me: “I don’t expect you to understand, of course….”
Husband: “Right…it’s best to look like a debt collector…but then again what do I know? I am only just a man after all…”
Me: “See…you’re getting there!”
If I am honest though, he’s not the only one to tell me that. I remember one time talking to my mom and she said the exact same thing but in an extremely concerned tone:
Mom (🤔😰🥺): “Faye (that’s my nickname), are you all right? Is there something going on?
Me (😲😲) : ” I am fine, mom. Where does this come from??!”
Mom: “Well, most pics I see of you, you’re only wearing black and white like somebody just died. What’s wrong?”
Me: “What?!!?” 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♂️
Naturally, I tried explaining to her that black and white looks more expensive. I could hear her exasperation over the phone as she replied: “
Mom: “Would you please stop attracting bad things to you by wearing nothing but black and white and all those pale colours that make you look like you died just a few hours ago”.
Me: “But mom…”
Mom: “Enough of this! Makes you look like you’re about to cross over into the unknown!”
Parents just don’t understand, eh?🤦🏽♀️ I laughed my head off.
In Haiti, people mostly wear black when somebody dies. In times of mourning, it’s not unusual for people to wear black and nothing but black for a certain period of time as a way to cherish someone close who’s died.
You know, thinking back, there was real concern in her voice, like she was really worried and it cracks me up. I spent that day thinking about how certain colours can be perceived in certain cultures and I find that very interesting.
That’s probably why, last year, I made a conscious effort to add more colours to my wardrobe and let me tell you, I am already a changed woman, if I do say so myself😎😋.
What about you guys? Have you been dragged like myself into wearing more colour or did you just wake up one day and decided to add more colour to your wardrobe? Let me know in the comments below.
Bisoux and don’t forget to like, share and subscribe so you can know what I am up to (#shamelessplug🙄)😘🐍