Doing life

My first YouTube video: Trying new things

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First of all my husband made me do it🙈!

Count yourself lucky, dear followers, because you could have lost a very dear friend over the last few weeks and you wouldn’t even have known it. And Yes this friend is me. I do consider us friend, dear friends who don’t necessarily need to speak or even see each other every day to know that they’re actually very close friends.

So like I was saying, you almost lost me because I published something on the scariest part of the internet…YouTube. Yes! I did my very first YouTube video (which you’ll find below) and that simple act almost killed me.

Actually, I’ve been meaning to start a YouTube channel for a while now but somehow I always chickened out at the last minute. Every time I felt like I was getting close to making a decision I’d tell myself that I am a very private person who will not survive the nosiness of the internet. Which is more than a lie. It’s a God damn lie! The same kind of lies on which entire nations are built and quite probably even the universal declaration of human rights. As if I didn’t already have a blog on the same Internet!🤦🏾‍♀️ Anyways…I put the video for you below🤦🏾‍♀️.

Please be gentle in your judgement, I am a shy person who just happens to enjoy the limelight😎. Sad combination, I know….

If you think I look worried, it’s because I was!

So please, since you know how hard it was for me to even start that YouTube channel in the first place, go and show any form of support you can. Subscribe! Comment! Like! Please, thank you, love you!

How it all started:

A few months ago I started pestering dear husband about him not helping me be the best version of myself that I can be (forgive me, I listen to a lot self development videos🙋🏾‍♂️). I started pestering him about how I felt like as long as I am with him I’ll have to remain this unknown beautiful little creature that could have been somebody (bring in the violins and the pink champagne cause someone’s unhinged). Comforted in the fact that I had blamed my lack of ambition on the usual culprit I went on with my life, just as usual. Which means listening to self development videos and poking around my feelings, as if these were the only actions required to make it in this world.

But somehow, on the last day of Christmas vacation, I had the very bad idea of mentioning YouTube (probably a side effect of constantly flapping my mouth🙄). At this simple, innocent mention, dear husband literally jumped up: “You’re right! Let’s do your first YouTube video!”

Me: Complete resentful silence…

A very dead silence ensued during which I alternated between resentment and gratefulness. Resentment because I was gonna have to finally start that damn YouTube channel and gratefulness because well, deep down, I really wanted to try my hand at it.

So we did it. We recorded my first YouTube video😎. At first, I thought I was just going to drop it on my personal YouTube and completely forget about it until I heard dear husband say: “I just shared your first YouTube video on both my Facebook and yours!”

My reaction: 😱😱😱🤒😤😤🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

For a brief moment I thought of beating him to death. Only the thought of having to go back to E-harmony, Tinder and such kept me from doing so. Instead, I resolved to blame him for everything that could go wrong in my life from now until the end of time.

Come to think of it, I actually started this blog the very same way. You can read all about it by following this link: The F Files is one year old! / Déjà un an! . The English version closely follows the French version.

So once again: Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe! Comment, comment, comment! Like, like, like! Please, thank you, love you!

In the meantime, stay safe, wear your masks, wash your hands and most importantly kiss your loved ones!

Bisoux😘🐍

A YEAR OF NO GOAL: HAPPY NEW YEAR 2021

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“I don’t know if anyone else noticed but as soon as we check something of our list of things to achieve, we tend to lose interest in that thing. We become complacent, as if that thing has now become a birthright of some sort”...

2021 is here and I find myself being truly grateful. At the same time I won’t lie, I am exhausted. Usually I would hop on the goal setting bandwagon and plan my heart away only to spend the rest of the year running in circle but this year I want to do something different: No goal setting.

In our world, life is often viewed through an accomplishment lens. We check things of our lists as if there was a finite quality to them.

Marriage (check)

Children (check)

Promotion (Check)

House (check)

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but as soon as we check something of our list we tend to lose interest. We become complacent, as if that thing has now become a birthright of some sort. As if the mere fact of checking these important things of a list makes them ours forever. That’s it, we don’t need to do any more work. Nothing can take them away from us. Well, if there’s anything 2020 has been intent on making us realize is nothing is truly ours. Not our jobs, not our spouses, nor our lives or the lives of those close to us. This is not a news, of course, but we somehow manage to forget it.

One of my biggest flaw is that no matter what I’ve personally accomplished, I always tend to look at life from the point of view of what I don’t have, always looking at what’s missing. This year, I would like to be more grateful, more thankful for what I already have.

So instead of putting a check mark besides these most important parts of our life maybe we should instead put a note that reads “work in progress“…. That way, maybe we’ll remember to nurture and cherish them for what they truly are: Things that can disappear in the blink of an eye.

Marriage (check work in progress)

Children (check work in progress)

Promotion (check work in progress)

House (check work in progress)

What do you think? What are your goals for this new year?

Bisoux and Happy New Year to you. May you be blessed beyond measure.

Why I started wearing more colour

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“When my mom who’s pure Haitian noticed I was wearing nothing but black and white in most of my pics, she inquired (with great worry) if somebody has just died.”🤦🏽‍♀️🤣

Most times when I am getting ready in the morning, I’ll usually have this kind of convo with dear husband:

Husband: “You should wear more colour’. Colour suits you so well”

Me: (silently pulling out my all black outfit with hints of grey as accent colour. All of this with a smirk on my face.)

Husband: “Hello..Did you hear what I just said?!”

I took some time to answer since I was trying to put that in plain language so he can understand😏😎. When you’re forced to explain elevation to the masses.🙄

Me:”I know what I am doing. You see, black and white automatically looks more polished, more put together, more…expensive…”

Husband: (shakes head heavily, face heavy with sadness): 😫😌

Me: “I don’t expect you to understand, of course….”

Husband: “Right…it’s best to look like a debt collector…but then again what do I know? I am only just a man after all…”

Me: “See…you’re getting there!”

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“A pic of me practising colour therapy and looking absolutely stunning doing it”😎😏

If I am honest though, he’s not the only one to tell me that. I remember one time talking to my mom and she said the exact same thing but in an extremely concerned tone:

Mom (🤔😰🥺): “Faye (that’s my nickname), are you all right? Is there something going on?

Me (😲😲) : ” I am fine, mom. Where does this come from??!”

Mom: “Well, most pics I see of you, you’re only wearing black and white like somebody just died. What’s wrong?”

Me: “What?!!?” 🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♂️

Naturally, I tried explaining to her that black and white looks more expensive. I could hear her exasperation over the phone as she replied: “

Mom: “Would you please stop attracting bad things to you by wearing nothing but black and white and all those pale colours that make you look like you died just a few hours ago”.

Me: “But mom…”

Mom: “Enough of this! Makes you look like you’re about to cross over into the unknown!”

Parents just don’t understand, eh?🤦🏽‍♀️ I laughed my head off.

In Haiti, people mostly wear black when somebody dies. In times of mourning, it’s not unusual for people to wear black and nothing but black for a certain period of time as a way to cherish someone close who’s died.

You know, thinking back, there was real concern in her voice, like she was really worried and it cracks me up. I spent that day thinking about how certain colours can be perceived in certain cultures and I find that very interesting.

That’s probably why, last year, I made a conscious effort to add more colours to my wardrobe and let me tell you, I am already a changed woman, if I do say so myself😎😋.

What about you guys? Have you been dragged like myself into wearing more colour or did you just wake up one day and decided to add more colour to your wardrobe? Let me know in the comments below.

Bisoux and don’t forget to like, share and subscribe so you can know what I am up to (#shamelessplug🙄)😘🐍

 

 

THINGS I’VE DONE TO AVOID DEALING WITH REAL LIFE PROBLEMS

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In this week’s episode of things I’ve done to avoid dealing with real life problems…

🙈

“The following could easily be filed under “new low” BUT is it really a low when you know upfront how low you’re willing to go?”

 

First, let’s weed out the “tackle it now” crowd with a couple of meaningful questions😉.

Has your shit hit the fan and people are dropping like dead flies but somehow you still can’t smell it?

Do you routinely give advice you don’t even know how to apply in your own damn life?

Do you look like you always have your shit together even when you’re basically walking around in a deep state of coma?

If so I have a list of small changes that you’re gonna love. These are things I’ve personally done instead of tackling real life problems. Thank me later.😼🐍

  1. Shaving my head hoping it’ll uncloud my judgement🙄. The minute all my hair’s gone I morph into a puddle of regret, despair and bad decisions.
  2. Make a five-year plan for my husband hoping he’ll make it big and I, yours truly, can finally shop all day. Conniving and delusional…an unbeatable combination, if you ask me 🐍😏
  3. Call my niece and give her “life advice” I myself never practice. Luckily for me she’s a very polite young lady: She just answer the call two weeks later.
  4. Go shopping with money I don’t have hoping a new look will give me a new outlook on life. It’s all about “investing in yourself”…you know…new look, new attitude…😔
  5. Paint my nails a bright colour hoping it’ll bring clarity and direction into my life.
  6. Revisit a 5-year plan and pretend it’s a brand new one. Well, technically yes, since I don’t remember doing any of it.😝
  7. Call a long time bestie and speculate on the meaning of life without ever mentioning any action plan. We usually finish by rounding up the usual suspects: our parents.

Of course, all of this could be filed under “new low” BUT is it really a low when you know upfront how low you’re willing to go?

Now that you know all my secrets, I hope you won’t mind sharing yours😛. Go on and share! I won’t tell!

Gros bisous and talk soon!😘🐍

Things I do to avoid writing on the blog🙄

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In my blogging journey, I’ve had days when I was so excited to write a blog post my hands could barely keep up with my thoughts. I’ve also had days when I’d gladly chose to be a loser for the rest of my life than sitting down at my computer and write a simple blog post.  So I thought I’d give you a glimpse into my “thought process” or the lack of it when inspiration and motivation have left the building without as much as a fair warning.

In this week’s episode of things I’ve done still doing to avoid writing on this blog😏🙄

  • Call a long time bestie to discuss the latest skin care hacks and compare notes. Believe it or not beautiful, shiny skin can and will make you look more successful than you actually are…thank me later😎
  • Review my vision board and double-check if having a blog really fit into my plan for my life🧐
  • Nag my husband about something that happened way before we even met and hold him personally responsible. Unbelievable, I know…Dear husband has recently stopped falling for that one. Now he patiently wait until I finish rambling, opens my computer, pulls out a chair and instructs me to start writing ASAP.🤦🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♀️
  • Paint my nails a bright colour to get in a “writing mood” except nail painting is usually closely followed by full-face makeup plus a couple of YouTube videos on how to “sort out your life”. At this point I am officially down the rabbit hole and there is no turning back…ever.😵🤪
  • Wake up at 5:00 o’clock specifically to write but first start by watching a movie to relax. Promptly fall asleep and wake up just in time for work.😴🤤
  • Make myself a coffee. Once coffee’s ready, realize I really want a latte. Makes latter and go watch 30 minutes of something…anything…
  • Go through contact list and see who I haven’t called in a while and promise myself I’d start writing as soon as I give them a call. By the time I am done, it’s night time.
  • Briefly check the same Instagram account to see if anything has changed since the last time I checked which is probably half a second ago.
  • Write a list of things to do that should have been done 10 years ago.
  • And the list goes on….

Of course while I am doing all this dear husband is patiently observing and trying to gauge when I might exactly…finally…start writing that long-awaited blog post until of course he loses patience and instructs me to start writing now.

As you can see no stone is left unturned in the war against productivity.

Now that you know all my top tips for the most unproductive day, I hope you won’t mind sharing some of the stuff you do to avoid doing things that you know you have to do. Please do share! Bisoux😘🐍

 

 

 

Quarantine: The weight gain is real!

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“If this quarantine doesn’t end soon, I may need a second quarantine to sort out my weight.”

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To all the people who knew me pre-quarantine, don’t be surprised if you fail to recognize me post-quarantine.🤦‍♀️

Last week, knowing I was probably gonna be working mostly from home, I made a very serious eating plan for quarantine life. The kind of plan you make when you have no intention of sticking to any plan: Drastic and vague (No point writing a book about it since we’re not gonna do it, right?).  

Like I said: Drastic like “I vow to stay away from all carb from now on and eat extremely healthy however long this quarantine may last”🙄. Of course no precision was given on what I was going to eat to achieve this lofty goal of mine. Why? Because a clear list of food would have made me realized the real cost of my outsized ambition so instead I decided to feed my delusions. 

In fact, right after I made that wonderful plan I came home to this: 

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Turns out dear husband went grocery shopping and brought home three packs of bagels (shown in the pic above) plus a boatload of croissants (not pictured here since we ate it so fast that by the time this article was written, there was none left!).

“It’s clear dear husband did not get the memo of us munching on celery sticks while sipping lemon water. He’s on a different program. The carb overdose program.”

Imagine starting your quarantine with a boatload of croissants and bagels? It literally felt like a set-up. The croissants only lasted three days. The logic being the sooner we ate it all the sooner we’ll get to go back to our diet. I am not proud of us people, I am definitely not proud of us. To tell you the truth, I feel like I am in the backseat of a speeding car with a dead driver at the wheel.

If this quarantine doesn’t end soon, how am I going to explain all the weight gain? Well, if it’s any consolation most people are going to gain weight. I suppose I could become the only person who refuse to leave quarantine due to weight gain.

As proof, an excerpt of a recent convo with dear husband:

Me: “Oh my God! Look at that pic I just took of myself. I feel like I doubled in size!”

Dear husband: “Yeah…you definitely gained…”

At this point, my eyes are like daggers pointed directly at him. Only a person with foot in mouth syndrome like dear husband would ignore the silent warnings…

Me: “My belly is determined to go North while my butt insist on going South.”

Dear husband: “Yeah, you’re sticking out in all directions..”

The double-headed snake!🐍🐍🐍

The nerve of that man! He’s the one who went grocery shopping for “healthy stuff” and came back with a boatload of croissants and 3 packs of bagels. The thing is though, he’s close to 6 ft tall and I am only 5’2 so the risk of me looking like a can of tuna is getting very real. But then again with this quarantine stuff, the low mood and lack of motivation is real…

Bisoux and keep your social distancing!

 

 

Covid-19: The difficulty of remaining civilized…

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Whether you’re a Zen master or a messy ball of stress,  the current Covid-19 climate does get to you little by little…

Me and my husband went to Costco a few weeks ago and were shocked to see people behaving with a complete absence of logic and humanity, grabbing everything they can get their hands on. We looked at them like a Zen master would a worrying wart: with love and a heavy dose of pity; just like someone who’s found the light would look at a person still scraping in the dark. We are different I thought to myself. We are civil. Or so I thought…

“It’s very difficult to remain civilized when competing for the last loaf of bread with people who think they’re out on a supply run in a walking dead episode…”

First of all, just as usual, we went to grab a shopping cart. There were none. After careful observation, we had to accompany a person with a loaded cart to their car, wait for them to unload it while throwing menacing glances around to discourage anyone to try and grab it before us.

Once inside, we were shocked to see empty rows on empty rows of food while people could barely push their overloaded carts around. I deeply resent the fact that we had to rush in an uncivilized manner to grab the last loaf of bread before someone with a cart full of bread could grab it. This enlightened Libra is still under shock. Let me tell you: It’s  very difficult to remain civilized when competing for the last loaf of bread with people who think they’re out on a supply run in a walking dead episode. In case you’re wondering, we did our best to calmly rush (if it’s even possible…) to essentials without giving the impression we’re lifetime members of the “toilet paper- crazy group”.

“This gives way to an essential question: How long is it possible to keep our civility and humanity during such time of crisis?”

If walking dead is any indication. Not long…but I am sure it won’t get to that point..

In the meantime, let’s try and stay isolated, hydrated and civilized! Gros bisoux!

The high cost of being the bigger person

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The high road and all the things in between…

“The problem with being the bigger person is over time, you really do become a bigger person….you basically become fat. Why? Cause you’re so busy trying to one-up mother Theresa on the throne of goodness and light you just don’t realize your emotions have been eating you up the whole time.”

Spoken like a professional “bigger person”.

The past few weeks have been really stressful. I usually like to view myself as the eye of the storm, the peaceful warrior, a classy person, a lady, the person with the bright smile under pressure. Unfortunately, this fabulous bubble I usually like to build around myself was violently busted. I found myself being hurried, busted and wait for it…SWEARING😱…yes, swearing all the freaking time. Which makes me think a lot of behaviors we’ve come to consider as character traits are in fact products of our environment. Last week I found out it’s very difficult to remain a lady when dealing with shitheads (here we go again swearing🙄) over an extended period of time.

“Put yourself often enough in other people’s shoes and pretty soon even your own shoes won’t fit. So stay in your own damn shoes!”

I was discussing a particular stressful situation I am currently experiencing with an acquaintance of mine and he advised me, if I can, to take the high road and try and buy some peace for the time being. It was good, sensible advice except sometimes peace may end up costing you way more than a full-on war would.

“Take the high road they say…be the bigger person they say…Over the years I’ve realized the high road is not all accolades and bright lights. In fact, the high road is full of hair loss,  tooth decay, cystic acne, wrinkle and bitterness.😓”

Spoken by a person who can’t seem to get off the high road…

In life we do a lot of things for a lot of reasons. Sometimes these reasons are right and sometimes they’re wrong but whatever the reason, there’s always a cost and the cost of any action even small is life. With any action, life is either gained in terms of a fully, happier life or life is lost in terms of loss of quality of life, regrets, bitterness and sometimes even diseases. So before you try and be the next mother Theresa think carefully of the cost cause there is certainly a cost which I am pretty sure even mother Theresa had to pay. If you’re thinking of buying peace know that sometimes peace costs more than war. This was my two cents when it comes to being the bigger person and all the stuff in between…

After this civilized rant I can only hope I’ve helped a tiny bit in getting you ready for Monday by sending you guys out into the big bad world all selfish and petty:😏😼) Thank you for reading and talk soon! Gros bisoux!

Life is a marathon, not a sprint!

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“If life’s a bitch isn’t it better to sprint through the crap than taking a leisurely walk?

I used to hear people say that all the time (Life is a marathon, not a sprint) and it used to get on my nerves. Why can’t life be a sprint? Now with a couple of hard-earned lessons from the school of hard-knocks under my belt, I am forced to realize there is some truth in that…

Growth is the law of life. You see it never stops. You reach a goal, that goal creates a new goal which creates new levels which creates new devils. Of course there is also satisfaction and joy somewhere in there however brief.

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint so get comfortable in the fight cause you don’t get to pause that hamster wheel just because you think you’ve made it. Some things take time. You don’t get to rush them. You can simply work your hardest and wait.”

Now this does not mean we shouldn’t try to solve our problems as fast as we can. Some of life puzzles can be solved rapidly if we work hard and smart, it simply means not all things can be solved as fast as we want it. Some things take time no matter how hard we work and how fast we want to go through them. Things like keeping healthy, building strong ties with family and friends, knowing self and finding something one is good at are ongoing challenges and do not stop just because we’ve reached a milestone or have been crowned 30 under 30 (Insert slightly bitter over 40 emoji here).

There’s no guarantee so take time to enjoy the scenery and smell the flowers along the way.

There is no guarantee. Just because you spend every waking moment building your dreams, relationships and health doesn’t mean they’ll last or that you’ll even get to enjoy them. Death happens to us all. Sickness happens to all of us. People change. Which is why it’s important to enjoy life while chasing that goal and make time for living.

I must say it took me a long time to get there as I sincerely thought I could speed up everything. But recent life events have forced me to reconsider.

What about you my dear readers? What do you think? Do you consider life to be a sprint or a marathon? There’s no right or wrong answer. Gros bisoux 🙂