My first YouTube video: Trying new things

First of all my husband made me do it🙈!

Count yourself lucky, dear followers, because you could have lost a very dear friend over the last few weeks and you wouldn’t even have known it. And Yes this friend is me. I do consider us friend, dear friends who don’t necessarily need to speak or even see each other every day to know that they’re actually very close friends.

So like I was saying, you almost lost me because I published something on the scariest part of the internet…YouTube. Yes! I did my very first YouTube video (which you’ll find below) and that simple act almost killed me.

Actually, I’ve been meaning to start a YouTube channel for a while now but somehow I always chickened out at the last minute. Every time I felt like I was getting close to making a decision I’d tell myself that I am a very private person who will not survive the nosiness of the internet. Which is more than a lie. It’s a God damn lie! The same kind of lies on which entire nations are built and quite probably even the universal declaration of human rights. As if I didn’t already have a blog on the same Internet!🤦🏾‍♀️ Anyways…I put the video for you below🤦🏾‍♀️.

Please be gentle in your judgement, I am a shy person who just happens to enjoy the limelight😎. Sad combination, I know….

If you think I look worried, it’s because I was!

So please, since you know how hard it was for me to even start that YouTube channel in the first place, go and show any form of support you can. Subscribe! Comment! Like! Please, thank you, love you!

How it all started:

A few months ago I started pestering dear husband about him not helping me be the best version of myself that I can be (forgive me, I listen to a lot self development videos🙋🏾‍♂️). I started pestering him about how I felt like as long as I am with him I’ll have to remain this unknown beautiful little creature that could have been somebody (bring in the violins and the pink champagne cause someone’s unhinged). Comforted in the fact that I had blamed my lack of ambition on the usual culprit I went on with my life, just as usual. Which means listening to self development videos and poking around my feelings, as if these were the only actions required to make it in this world.

But somehow, on the last day of Christmas vacation, I had the very bad idea of mentioning YouTube (probably a side effect of constantly flapping my mouth🙄). At this simple, innocent mention, dear husband literally jumped up: “You’re right! Let’s do your first YouTube video!”

Me: Complete resentful silence…

A very dead silence ensued during which I alternated between resentment and gratefulness. Resentment because I was gonna have to finally start that damn YouTube channel and gratefulness because well, deep down, I really wanted to try my hand at it.

So we did it. We recorded my first YouTube video😎. At first, I thought I was just going to drop it on my personal YouTube and completely forget about it until I heard dear husband say: “I just shared your first YouTube video on both my Facebook and yours!”

My reaction: 😱😱😱🤒😤😤🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

For a brief moment I thought of beating him to death. Only the thought of having to go back to E-harmony, Tinder and such kept me from doing so. Instead, I resolved to blame him for everything that could go wrong in my life from now until the end of time.

Come to think of it, I actually started this blog the very same way. You can read all about it by following this link: The F Files is one year old! / Déjà un an! . The English version closely follows the French version.

So once again: Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe! Comment, comment, comment! Like, like, like! Please, thank you, love you!

In the meantime, stay safe, wear your masks, wash your hands and most importantly kiss your loved ones!

Bisoux😘🐍

A YEAR OF NO GOAL: HAPPY NEW YEAR 2021

I don’t know if anyone else noticed but as soon as we check something of our list of things to achieve, we tend to lose interest in that thing. We become complacent, as if that thing has now become a birthright of some sort”...

2021 is here and I find myself being truly grateful. At the same time I won’t lie, I am exhausted. Usually I would hop on the goal setting bandwagon and plan my heart away only to spend the rest of the year running in circle but this year I want to do something different: No goal setting.

In our world, life is often viewed through an accomplishment lens. We check things of our lists as if there was a finite quality to them.

Marriage (check)

Children (check)

Promotion (Check)

House (check)

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but as soon as we check something of our list we tend to lose interest. We become complacent, as if that thing has now become a birthright of some sort. As if the mere fact of checking these important things of a list makes them ours forever. That’s it, we don’t need to do any more work. Nothing can take them away from us. Well, if there’s anything 2020 has been intent on making us realize is nothing is truly ours. Not our jobs, not our spouses, nor our lives or the lives of those close to us. This is not a news, of course, but we somehow manage to forget it.

One of my biggest flaw is that no matter what I’ve personally accomplished, I always tend to look at life from the point of view of what I don’t have, always looking at what’s missing. This year, I would like to be more grateful, more thankful for what I already have.

So instead of putting a check mark besides these most important parts of our life maybe we should instead put a note that reads “work in progress“…. That way, maybe we’ll remember to nurture and cherish them for what they truly are: Things that can disappear in the blink of an eye.

Marriage (check work in progress)

Children (check work in progress)

Promotion (check work in progress)

House (check work in progress)

What do you think? What are your goals for this new year?

Bisoux and Happy New Year to you. May you be blessed beyond measure.

This shopping addiction could be therapy…

When I was little, one of my dreams when I grow up was to shop until I faint. I do. I shop and dear husband faints (Once he realizes the amount of stuff, still with the tag on, I’ve got hiding in the back of my closet)

I don’t know for you but I find shopping incredibly relaxing. Online shopping, that is. It allows me to clear my head, sort of like a mental flossing. Considering I am in a broke period of my life right now, I mostly browse online. There’s actually very little buying involved. Shameful, I know….Of course it would be nice if a black AmEx card could magically appear while I am doing so but, what can you do, eh? It’s clear I was born to suffer😞🤕.

With quarantine helping, my only solace now lies in filling and emptying my cart online either at H&M or Zara. I don’t actually empty the cart myself…someone (a sadist, no doubt) usually ends up buying the item. The way it’s done is just heartbreaking. The bought item appears crossed out but you can still see it.

H&M pleated faux leather skirt in green olive

Which usually sends me into a pity fest of ”why me😞” with pink violins playing in the back. The last time I woke up to find one my fav item crossed out, dear husband walked in on me, probably thinking I’ve just gotten news somebody died:

Dear husband: “What’s going on”?

Me: “Somebody just bought that olive leather skirt I just put away”

Dear husband: “Still buying stuff you don’t need?”

Me: “No, it’s not that. I mean I don’t actually buy them. I just fill my cart…it’s kind of my happy place right now…”

Dear husband looked sincerely relieved. His training is working. I am adulting big time and it’s all thanks to him. He smiles with the satisfaction of one who specializes in training hard-headed fools….😋😎

Dear husband: ” Thought I was your happy place?

Me: ” Not funny, you know. My closet and by extension my life may never feel whole without this skirt.😔”

Dear husband: “Don’t worry. It’ll come back.”

Me: “How do you know?”

Dear husband:” I do it too.”

Shocker! The man actually has a soul. He feels things much deeper than I ever thought he could. Maybe all is not lost after all….

Now if you’re one of those warrior minimalist type, you’re probably thinking to yourself: “Great! Another sick person trying to pass off their addiction as useful!” You’re absolutely right.

What about you, dear friend? (I always feel like I should be wearing a matching set while saying dear), what’s your happy place? If it’s online shopping browsing, Dm me. We could create a Facebook group. We could call it, say, “Broke online browsers anonymous”. What do you say?

Gros bisoux and stalk soon!😘🐍

The problem with finding your “passion”…🙄😣

“Major sacrifices will be required and we’re not talking blood of lambs here…”

Last week was my birthday and I am conscious I was all over this space singing the praise of gratefulness and the value of counting one’s blessings and I meant it….except…🤦🏾‍♀️. Today I am coming to you with a rant. If you’re beginning to think human beings default mode could be unwavering ungratefulness, you are not alone dear friend.

Follow your passion and you’ll never work a day in your life”

This is such a load of bull (excuse my bitterness😩). If you look at the real root meaning of the word “passion”, it means : “Suffering, enduring,” from past participle stem of Latin  pati  “to endure, undergo, experience,”…The notion is “that which must be endured.” – Etymonline

The sad truth is your passion is not going to save you from hard, back-breaking, numbing work. Passion or not you will not escape sacrifices. On the contrary you will have to make even more sacrifices than people who do not insist on skipping to work every day.”

If you think this is depressing wait, there’s even more heartbreaking news coming your way. Hard work is hiding everywhere, even behind this lovely passion of yours so choose carefully; because you won’t be able to work hard on everything all at one.

Most likely while you’re working hard on your passion, your relationships are disintegrating due to neglect. Hard work is most definitely hiding behind this soul mate you think you may have just found; hard work is also hiding behind this new exciting friendship you’re just developing; it’s even hiding behind these beautiful Pinterest inspiration boards (God damn it!). It’s been hiding for decades behind this lovely “boss lady” dripping in brand names and standing in a power pose that could put the incredible hulk to shame(ATTENTION: Stressful, dishevelled nights alone not pictured🙄).

Which is why it’s important to try and prioritize those things that are really important to you and refrain from wanting to win at everything cause the minute you win at something, you lose at something else. You can’t keep all the boats afloat.

So take solace in hard, backbreaking work if you want that passion as much as you say you want it; if you want that relationship as much as you say you want it; if you want those red soles as much as you say you want it; if you want that architectural digest home as much as you say you want it.

Bisoux and talk soon😘

Grateful to be another year older.

Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” –

Anonymous

A few days ago (October 10th) I turned 33, I mean 43😋. Oh my, how time flies! Usually at this time of year, when my birthday comes around I’d be depressed, wondering why am I allowed to continue such unaccomplished, failed-to-meet-every-expectation-set-by-my-parents’ life. But this time, something different happened: I got tired of bashing my own damn self; it finally dawn upon me that well, 43 years has passed and another 10 may very well passed and find me still bashing myself for reasons that sometimes don’t even make sense.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” —Robert Brault

What I am about to say may sound cliché to the point of possibly making you puke but clichés do hold a lot of truths. So I realized (I mean I always knew but somehow it never fully clicked until now…) a few things:

I am never going to be as young (and foolish😋) as I am now. Now, later on I might be better, look better but one thing for sure: I’ll never be 43 again.

Of course when you think about it this way I do wonder why in the hell have I not been celebrating all year long instead of waiting to the very end and get all mushy and grateful. But such is the human condition (mom, is that you speaking?🙄); sometimes I think our sole mission on earth as humans is to turn this simple thing called life into something so complex we can barely make it through.

in Dale Carnegie’s book How to make friends and influence people, there’s a chapter titled: Would you take a million for what you have? Whenever I feel a bout of ungratefulness coming up I make it a point to do this little exercise; I ask myself: If somebody were to give me a million for, say my beautiful eyes, would I take it? Would I exchange what I currently have for what I think I may not have or might have missed? Of course not! This simple exercise helps me put things into perspective and realize I have more than enough.

Now I am not sure if I’ll feel the same way once I hit 80! I can only hope to be lucky enough to hit that milestones with a full head of hair, great health and the people I love besides me!

Growing old can be a blessing if don’t insist on being a martyr☺😋

On aging…gracefully or not…

“We all have that one person who insists on telling us the truth when it’s clear a good lie would do just fine. For me this person is my husband…”

Picture this. It’s Sunday, I am planning some content for Instagram and I trying to decide on the hash tags to apply to my posts in terms of age bracket.

Me: “Well, let’s see…I can put a #Over35Style# on that pic…”

Husband: “But you’re closer to 45….”

Me: “Thank you for reminding me and your point is?😒”

Husband: “Don’t you think it’s a bit misleading?”

Me: “How is it misleading🙄? It’s not like I am a snake and my profile pic shows a sheep or something?!”

He took one look at me and surely must have perceived the danger of starting a quarrel with an aging woman this early in the morning. Unless of course, he simply does not care about ruining his entire day.

Husband: “Well, I just think you should be proud of your age…”

Me: “Well, I think I am. I am soon to be 42 and I am not in therapy for it,
aren’t I?”

Dear husband: “Soon to be 43…”

Me: “Ok, 43! If you want to be this petty🙄….”

But let’s get serious for a moment…🤔🤔

 What is it with women and aging? Why is it such a turmoil? Is there something in the way society at large view aging women? Is it because we feel invisible past a certain age? Is it because, us women are vain little creatures who insist on being the centre of attention even when way past our prime?

What about you guys? How do you feel on the subject? Comment below!

If you like this article please share and subscribe!

A new addition to the family

We have  a new addition to the family and her name is Rhubarbe! This is of course without counting my niece’s dogs (See how cute they are here )

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Dear followers, just know you barely escaped a gender reveal. Of course, to make up for that expect the next blog posts to be flooded with pics of Rubarbe #Shamelessnewparents#

Now you may think to yourself, why did they (I meant “Me”) have to go and name the first addition to the family after a comestible plant🙄? Well, just know the poor dog came this close to be named “Cinnamon” (“Cannelle” in French)! Plus dear hubby owed me one. You see, “Cinnamon” was supposed to be the name of our first future daughter but when I dared to “suggest” the name to dear husband, here’s what happened:

Me: “If we ever have a daughter, I have a perfect name”!

Hubby: “Yeah…?”

Me: “Cinnamon”

Hubby: “Over my dead body.”

Me: “Why?!!” (I was sincerely disappointed😔)

Hubby: “I believe it’s one of  the top 10 hooker names…🙄😫.”

Me: “Oh!!??…But we can still…”

I was abruptly interrupted.

Hubby: “Like I said…over my dead body.”

I let it go…this time…BUT as a true female of my specie, I was waiting for him around the corner where he least expected it so as soon as it became sure we were gonna be parents to a dog I came back full force and I said: “Well, since you don’t want me to call our future daughter “Cinnamon”, I get to name the dog!”. The poor man was trapped so he agreed (more like gave up). It was between “Cinnamon” and “Rhubarbe” but since apparently, according to dear husband, it was the year of the “R” (names starting with “R”) for dogs, “we” (I”” 😉) named her “Rhubarbe”

#When you”re cute and you know it😎😏

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“When you’re cute and you know it!😎”

Isn’t she cute? My work is still not done because they’re already ganging up on me. I guess it’s a father-daughter thing, eh?😜

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Of course most of my time is spent trying to figure out ways to get her to love me more😂

Like I said expect to be flooded with cute pics!

Bisoux and talk soon!😘🐍

Why I started wearing more colour

“When my mom who’s pure Haitian noticed I was wearing nothing but black and white in most of my pics, she inquired (with great worry) if somebody has just died.”🤦🏽‍♀️🤣

Most times when I am getting ready in the morning, I’ll usually have this kind of convo with dear husband:

Husband: “You should wear more colour’. Colour suits you so well”

Me: (silently pulling out my all black outfit with hints of grey as accent colour. All of this with a smirk on my face.)

Husband: “Hello..Did you hear what I just said?!”

I took some time to answer since I was trying to put that in plain language so he can understand😏😎. When you’re forced to explain elevation to the masses.🙄

Me:”I know what I am doing. You see, black and white automatically looks more polished, more put together, more…expensive…”

Husband: (shakes head heavily, face heavy with sadness): 😫😌

Me: “I don’t expect you to understand, of course….”

Husband: “Right…it’s best to look like a debt collector…but then again what do I know? I am only just a man after all…”

Me: “See…you’re getting there!”

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“A pic of me practising colour therapy and looking absolutely stunning doing it”😎😏

If I am honest though, he’s not the only one to tell me that. I remember one time talking to my mom and she said the exact same thing but in an extremely concerned tone:

Mom (🤔😰🥺): “Faye (that’s my nickname), are you all right? Is there something going on?

Me (😲😲) : ” I am fine, mom. Where does this come from??!”

Mom: “Well, most pics I see of you, you’re only wearing black and white like somebody just died. What’s wrong?”

Me: “What?!!?” 🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♂️

Naturally, I tried explaining to her that black and white looks more expensive. I could hear her exasperation over the phone as she replied: “

Mom: “Would you please stop attracting bad things to you by wearing nothing but black and white and all those pale colours that make you look like you died just a few hours ago”.

Me: “But mom…”

Mom: “Enough of this! Makes you look like you’re about to cross over into the unknown!”

Parents just don’t understand, eh?🤦🏽‍♀️ I laughed my head off.

In Haiti, people mostly wear black when somebody dies. In times of mourning, it’s not unusual for people to wear black and nothing but black for a certain period of time as a way to cherish someone close who’s died.

You know, thinking back, there was real concern in her voice, like she was really worried and it cracks me up. I spent that day thinking about how certain colours can be perceived in certain cultures and I find that very interesting.

That’s probably why, last year, I made a conscious effort to add more colours to my wardrobe and let me tell you, I am already a changed woman, if I do say so myself😎😋.

What about you guys? Have you been dragged like myself into wearing more colour or did you just wake up one day and decided to add more colour to your wardrobe? Let me know in the comments below.

Bisoux and don’t forget to like, share and subscribe so you can know what I am up to (#shamelessplug🙄)😘🐍

 

 

We often underestimate people closest to us

We often underestimate people closest to us because well, we live with them! We’ve seen them weak, temporary insane and more. In other words we’ve seen them in all of their glory which is not always a good thing. It happens to me all the time. My husband will try to give me a bit of advice which is sound by the way and I would barely listen and always have something to say or worse intensely nod while thinking about a pair of sunglasses I’ve been thinking of buying. Hence the snippet of convo below:

Me: “Two more pimple on my chin. Great!”

Hubby: “You should lay off the make-up for a while, you know, let your skin breathe.”

Me: “How would you know? No offence but I’m definitely not about to listen to someone with a one-step skincare routine telling me what to do with my skin.”🙄🙄

Hubby: “Well, maybe that’s why my skin looks so good…”😏

He obviously has a point so I leave the room quickly in order to save face.

Two seconds later…

I hop on you tube and some random chick says to go without makeup for a while to let your skin breathe….🙄

Me (go find hubby and announce with great pride): “You know, after watching (insert random You Tuber name here), which I follow by the way (Couldn’t exactly tell him I’d just picked up this ‘life saving tip’ from a random You Tuber), I think it’s important to let my skin breathe…so I’ve decided to go without makeup… at least on weekends…😏😎”

Hubby: “??!!?😖🤯🤯🤢!?”

Of course, I leave the room as quickly as I entered because I just realized what I’ve done. I usually let an hour or so pass before making any sort of eye contact…😋😉.

But then again he does it too and this is something I’ve come to accept as part of growing old with someone. Still, I think it’s important to realize when it’s being done and call each other out which dear husband does very well by the way.

Do you do that too with people close to you? Let me know in the comments and don’t forget to like or share this post!

Bisoux and talk next week😘🐍

THINGS I’VE DONE TO AVOID DEALING WITH REAL LIFE PROBLEMS

In this week’s episode of things I’ve done to avoid dealing with real life problems…

🙈

“The following could easily be filed under “new low” BUT is it really a low when you know upfront how low you’re willing to go?”

 

First, let’s weed out the “tackle it now” crowd with a couple of meaningful questions😉.

Has your shit hit the fan and people are dropping like dead flies but somehow you still can’t smell it?

Do you routinely give advice you don’t even know how to apply in your own damn life?

Do you look like you always have your shit together even when you’re basically walking around in a deep state of coma?

If so I have a list of small changes that you’re gonna love. These are things I’ve personally done instead of tackling real life problems. Thank me later.😼🐍

  1. Shaving my head hoping it’ll uncloud my judgement🙄. The minute all my hair’s gone I morph into a puddle of regret, despair and bad decisions.
  2. Make a five-year plan for my husband hoping he’ll make it big and I, yours truly, can finally shop all day. Conniving and delusional…an unbeatable combination, if you ask me 🐍😏
  3. Call my niece and give her “life advice” I myself never practice. Luckily for me she’s a very polite young lady: She just answer the call two weeks later.
  4. Go shopping with money I don’t have hoping a new look will give me a new outlook on life. It’s all about “investing in yourself”…you know…new look, new attitude…😔
  5. Paint my nails a bright colour hoping it’ll bring clarity and direction into my life.
  6. Revisit a 5-year plan and pretend it’s a brand new one. Well, technically yes, since I don’t remember doing any of it.😝
  7. Call a long time bestie and speculate on the meaning of life without ever mentioning any action plan. We usually finish by rounding up the usual suspects: our parents.

Of course, all of this could be filed under “new low” BUT is it really a low when you know upfront how low you’re willing to go?

Now that you know all my secrets, I hope you won’t mind sharing yours😛. Go on and share! I won’t tell!

Gros bisous and talk soon!😘🐍