What if I make it?: Fear of failure or fear of success?

What if I make it? What if I actually pull this off?

“Most times success is not all Forbes features and taking power poses in expensive suits. It’s not always late nights and heart burns either. There’s joy… somewhere in there…😉”

Back in the days I was sincerely convinced I suffered from fear of failure but as time goes by I came to realize that maybe I suffer more from fear of success instead.

I was full of the sort of knowledge greedily accumulated by people who specializes in fighting from the sideline. People who lives in books and magazines and spend their time perfecting their vision boards wondering why they still haven’t received anything 🙋🙆

Which brings us the real questions: What if I make it. What if I actually succeed at this? What if I actually pull this off? How would my life change? Would it change for better or worse?

Would lazy Sunday mornings be a thing of the past constantly interrupted by work?

Will I still be able to express myself freely without fear of not being “on brand”?

Will I have to constantly keep up? Where does it stop? Will I have to constantly hop on the next opportunity, the next productivity app? The next big thing? The next market trend?

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.“
Dalai Lama

In my life I’ve been fortunate enough to work first hand with people that are quite successful in their chosen field which means I’ve been lucky enough to have had access to the “behind the scenes” of the supposedly glamorous “boss life”. People seem to forget that at the beginning, the”boss” life is in fact “boss-overworked only-employee”. It does come at a cost. Sometimes at the cost of personal life, family, health or wellness.

Hence this convo with dear husband: We were talking about taking risks, moving up the ladder and making use of every opportunity regardless if ready or not. Here’s a snippet:

Me: “We always idealize the next move up the ladder”

Dear husband: “Yeah you know when you’ve been waiting for that break and it finally comes true; you’re so overwhelmed by doubt you start asking yourself if you can really handle it. In fact, you may even start getting attached to your old life and the way things were 🥴🙄

I think we may have just witnessed a moment of extreme enlightenment brought to us by dear husband. I always thought he was an “Act first and think later kind of guy 🙄”. Well, I suppose I was wrong.

In the end, I suppose nobody starts by telling themselves they’re gonna have to give up a lot and make a lot of sacrifices to live that “boss life”? There’s clearly backbreaking work and a lot of tears and stress involved. I suppose you just have to want it bad enough.

Do you sometimes feel this way?

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Gros bisous😘🐍

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