The high cost of being the bigger person

The high road and all the things in between…

“The problem with being the bigger person is over time, you really do become a bigger person….you basically become fat. Why? Cause you’re so busy trying to one-up mother Theresa on the throne of goodness and light you just don’t realize your emotions have been eating you up the whole time.”

Spoken like a professional “bigger person”.

The past few weeks have been really stressful. I usually like to view myself as the eye of the storm, the peaceful warrior, a classy person, a lady, the person with the bright smile under pressure. Unfortunately, this fabulous bubble I usually like to build around myself was violently busted. I found myself being hurried, busted and wait for it…SWEARING๐Ÿ˜ฑ…yes, swearing all the freaking time. Which makesย me think a lot of behaviors we’ve come to consider as character traits are in fact products of our environment. Last week I found out it’s very difficult to remain a lady when dealing with shitheads (here we go again swearing๐Ÿ™„) over an extended period of time.

“Put yourself often enough in other people’s shoes and pretty soon even your own shoes won’t fit. So stay in your own damn shoes!”

I was discussing a particular stressful situation I am currently experiencing with an acquaintance of mine and he advised me, if I can, to take the high road and try and buy some peace for the time being. It was good, sensible advice except sometimes peace may end up costing you way more than a full-on war would.

“Take the high road they say…be the bigger person they say…Over the years I’ve realized the high road is not all accolades and bright lights. In fact, the high road is full of hair loss,ย  tooth decay, cystic acne, wrinkle and bitterness.๐Ÿ˜“”

Spoken by a person who can’t seem to get off the high road…

In life we do a lot of things for a lot of reasons. Sometimes these reasons are right and sometimes they’re wrong but whatever the reason, there’s always a cost and the cost of any action even small is life. With any action, life is either gained in terms of a fully, happier life or life is lost in terms of loss of quality of life, regrets, bitterness and sometimes even diseases. So before you try and be the next mother Theresa think carefully of the cost cause there is certainly a cost which I am pretty sure even mother Theresa had to pay. If you’re thinking of buying peace know that sometimes peace costs more than war. This was my two cents when it comes to being the bigger person and all the stuff in between…

After this civilized rant I can only hope I’ve helped a tiny bit in getting you ready for Monday by sending you guys out into the big bad world all selfish and petty:๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ผ) Thank you for reading and talk soon! Gros bisoux!

The best time to say I love you

“Love is like success, it may appear magical and liberating but there is hard core, soul-breaking work hiding right behind it. Most of us are shocked when we discover the true meaning of love. Disney clearly lied to us.๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ก”

Valentine’s Day is that time of year when people with great difficulties expressing feelings find themselves at great peril of being coerced into uttering these three little words: “I love you”.ย Some people say you have to mean it to say it. Some say you have to deeply feel it to say it. Some say you have to wait for one person to say it and only then can you say it.๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ™„

Is there a “best” time to say I love you? Personally, when in a stable relationship, I prefer to say I love you:

  • Early mornings right after waking up or late at night just before going to bed. This way I can not be held responsible if my actions fail to match these three little words later in the day๐Ÿ™„.ย 
  • At the airport, during the last boarding call, this way one of us won’t be here (at least for a couple of days) to live up to these three magic little words. Or better yet by the time we’re together again we can act like nothing happened.๐Ÿ˜

All jokes aside, whenย  it comes to saying “I love you”, there are a few things I’d like to emphasize:ย 

  • First of all, me think there should be deadlines involved. You can’t put your life on hold waiting for someone to express their “feelings”. You could say something like: “if by next Valentine’s day I don’t hear these magic words, don’t call me even if you’reย  bleeding on the floor and 911 is not answering๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ”. Sounds a bit extreme, I know but you get the idea…
  • “I love you” should automatically come with some kind of promise or commitment. If you don’t hear some kind of promise or commitment after these words don’t believe them. I repeat do not believe them. I also suggest you nicely and respectfully threaten I mean discuss “the possibilities of giving each other space to process the next step of the relationship“. And don’t just threaten them any day. Threaten them on special days like Valentine’s and your birthday, the anniversary of your first date together, first movie, first ice cream cone, whatever, you get the point.๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ Do not beg. I know it’s not easy to do especially when that biological clock is hanging heavy down one’s neck…but do try.
  • Now after hearing all this you must be asking say yourself “What about love?”. Well what about it? Let me tell you love is like success, it may appear magical and liberating but there is hard core, soul-breaking work hiding right behind it. Most of us are shocked when we discover the true meaning of love. Disney clearly lied to us. ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ’ƒ

What about you, dear readers? What do you think of the whole thing? When do you think it best to say “I love you”?. Should there be deadlines when it comes to saying “I love you”? Should it come with some type of commitment or promise? Please share your thoughts!

Gros bisoux and don’t forget to enjoy valentine’s day! Talk soon!๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜œ

What’s the weirdest thing your spouse has ever done?

What’s the weirdest thing your spouse has ever done? Were you shocked, impressed or simply disgusted?

“Some things can only be explained by silence or absence. So I chose to disappear from his line of vision for a bit…you know to give him time to reconcile his past idea of me with this new version that does not quite match his expectations ๐Ÿ™„

We all have things we do that seem “normal” to us but may appear “weird” to someone else. Especially when you’re living in close quarters with that much desired other half. Every Little thing you do gets examined and questioned๐Ÿ™ˆ. It’s almost like living with a two-year old who’s always full of questions๐Ÿ™„.

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I must say even though I may look perfect I too have some “weird thing” in my closet. Hard to believe I know, since I am just so damn perfect most of the times๐Ÿ˜‡.

I actually remember my husband’s exact face the first time he came face to face with that not so stellar version of me. We were having supper as we usually do most nights while watching some kind of TV show. For us super is usually chicken or fish plus aย  salad. That time it was chicken and salad.ย  We’d just finished demolishing most of a whole chicken when, true to my single-years self, I naturally started chewing on the chicken bones (specifically the thigh bones):

Me: (at this point I am not talking but sounds of chicken bones being crushed and chewed can be heard)๐Ÿ™ˆ

Dear other half: (Not talking at this point either. Staring at me intensely probably both shocked and mesmerized that such small and dainty creature is doted with such strong jaws).

Me: (For those of you interested, the whole process can be a very consuming enterprise. At this point, I am literally in the zone…)

Dear other half: (Still staring at me intensely, still a tiny bit shocked but mostly fascinated.)

Me: (Finally realizing I am not alone):” Are you ok honey?”

Dear other half: “…is it a cultural thing??!!?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Dear other half: “Chewing chicken bones into powder form?!….”

Me: “Well, I…”

He was looking at me like someone who’s just been forced to realize his idol was not only human but a human with questionable behaviour ๐Ÿง. I didn’t know what to stay. How do you explain something like that? I couldn’t even explain this to my own damn self even if I wanted to.

Me: “hmmm…yeah…you may be onto something here… Could totally be a cultural thing…”

Dear other half: (still waiting for a logical explanation that’s clearly not coming).

Me: “Well, let me take the plates upstairs so we can have more room here…

Some things can only be explained by either silence or absence so I decided to disappear from his line of vision for a bit…you know to give him time to reconcile his past idea of me with this new idea of his lovely little wife crushing chicken bones with a vengeance and purpose that would put a horror movie flesh-eating creature to shame. Like he said it could be a cultural thing….who knows?

What about you dear readers? What’s the weirdest thing you or your other half has ever done? Did it change your idea of them? Please do share!

Don’t miss tomorrow’s post on “The best time to say I love you in honor of Valentine’s day! Gros bisoux ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ

 

How to feel like a winner fast: Small wins

SMALL WINS

“If you look closely you’ll see life is seldom made of those big, huge victory moments but rather small tiny steps towards improvements.”

Last week I had such a terrible week filled with waiting and anxiety and doubt and complete hopelessness. I felt exhausted and so lost. I hate feeling lost, unsure of the next step, unsure if I can even take another step. I truly believe in times like this everybody should have a list of small wins for when you need to feel accomplished and centered fast, sort of like a quick pick-me-up built-me-up. If you look closely you’ll see that life is seldom made of those big, huge victory moments but rather small tiny steps towards improvements.ย 

I am talking about small wins.ย  I am not talking about running a marathon while you’ve barely left the couch in the past 10 years. The key point here is it has to be something that makes you feel good and accomplished. It should be a list of small but significant actions that can be done quickly. Naturally that list is going to be different for each person.

A FEW THINGS ON MY LIST OF SMALL WINS (don’t judge me, ok?๐Ÿ™„)

  • Looking at my husband and realizing how much I’ve lucked out with this one… Let’s not say that out loud lest he starts feeling too cocky…๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ

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  • Working on a blog post even if it’s just for two minutes makes me feel empowered and I actually tend to be much more efficient when I know I only have 2 minutes. Plus knowing it’s only 2 minutes takes away my excuses not to do it. Quick confession: It also makes me feel very cocky๐Ÿ’ƒ
  • Doing my nails๐Ÿ’…: Now this may not seem like much but considering how many people walking around with nails that would put Shrek to shame, I’d say it’s a pretty big accomplishment๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜

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  • Sporting a full face of makeup early morning (emphasis on EARLY MORNING please!) when most people look like they haven’t left their bed since 2019๐Ÿ๐Ÿ’ƒ. Yes, I like looking like I tried….
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“Feeling smug: Thank you mama for those lips!”
  • Comparing my skin to people who are supposed to be younger than me but yet look at least 10 years older….I am petty I know…๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜

What about you dear readers? What are the smallย  things you do to feel accomplished and centered fast? Do share, please!

Gros bisoux and talk soon๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜˜

This woman fell for a bloodsucker…

“Where do we draw the line in relationships? At what point must we stop caring and save ourselves? When do we say enough?”

Last week, I came across a very interesting conversation. I am not usually one to eavesdrop but this time the story was so troubling I couldn’t help myself…

So I am sitting in this very nice coffee shop and a young lady sitting right next to me receives a call from a friend. From what I gathered she was apologizing for being MIA since the death of a very close friend. At this point I was just mildly listening, you know, it was mostly background noise. But the conversation sort of veered towards her boyfriend and let me tell you my ears immediately perked up. An impromptu session of boyfriend bashing? It’s none of my business but sign me up please! There’s nothing a girl likes more than a session of he said/she said.

“By the time a professional abuser’s done with you, you’re gonna need weekly blood transfusion plus regular vitamin shots.”

So like I said she’s just lost a very close friend and apparently while she was busy mourning the loss of this very close friend, dear boyfriend was busy rekindling the passion with his ex. When confronted, his excuse? Well, he was suffering from one of his acute bout of low self-esteem which usually prompts him to look for affection and attention wherever he can find it. And this time he happened to have found it in the very loving and ready arms of his ex! After much heartache and debate, the poor girl decides to forgive him and help him get through this provided he seeks professional help.

Naturally like any self-respecting person listening in from the side line I was offended and disgusted with said boyfriend. If what she’s saying is correct, what this guy really deserves is to find himself naked in the streets on the coldest night of Winter. Maybe then he’ll realize how it feels to be abused by someone you trust and love?

Now listen to this: The poor girl must constantly keep an eye on him lest of course he feels neglected and go back to his ex. Naturally with all this going on she feels like she doesn’t have enough space to grieve and take proper care of herself…. And guess who called while she was on the phone? Mr. professional abuser himself. He wanted her to get him breakfast. I even got to take a close enough look at the bloodsucker while he was waiting outside for his breakfast and while good looking enough, his face looked lame and conceited.

I pitied the poor girl who probably thinks she’s being a supporting girlfriend while she’s clearly nothing but another host. I am not a violent person but listening in I felt like yelling at her: “Leave this bloodsucker now or you’re gonna need a blood transfusion and vitamin shots by the time he’s done with you.” Of course I did none of that cause I felt it wasn’t my place.

I admit it was hard to just sit by and listen without doing anything. In fact, I found myself still thinking about her a week later. She probably wasn’t stupid. You could hear it in her voice that her heart knew this was not a normal situation but I guess she was just so lost and in such grief at the moment that she just wasn’t thinking clearly.

I prayed she opens her eyes and realize he does not deserve her. I really do. The whole thing felt like standing by and watching someone drown but I couldn’t logically jump in with a bunch of unsolicited advice. Anyways, the whole thing was just so sad….

What about you dear readers? What do you make of the whole situation? Where do we draw the line in relationships? At what point must we stop caring and save ourselves? When do we say enough? Was this girl stupid or just lost? Was the boyfriend a professional abuser or just at his lowest? Is this even the whole truth? It would be interesting to know what you guys think! Gros bisous and talk soon!