Anybody who knows me knows that one of my favourite way to relax is to shop…I actually don’t have to bring home anything…just the mere fact of window shopping can, in itself, cure anything for me, which constantly puzzles my husband…
Me: (Gazing lovingly at an item, usually a piece of clothing)
Hubby (slightly annoyed): ”Well, instead of just aimlessly gazing at it, why don’t you save yourself time and ask a friend who bought it?”
Me: (horrified): ”Honey, my friends and I have decided a long time ago that we share the same taste in everything which frees us to buy whatever ridiculous item we want without any fear of judgement.”
Hubby: ”Which is why you don’t have many friends…”
Me: ”Stop it! You’re intruding on my process…”
Hubby: ”Process!!??”
Hubby (scoffing): ”So, can you share your process and enlighten us mere mortals?”
Me (slightly amused and possibly on a warpath): ”Simple. I like it, I buy it.”
Hubby: ”Which would explain the many article of clothing still with the price tag on…”
You see…when my husband goes shopping, he turns the whole thing into a math homework. First of all there is the information gathering phase (notice the terms I used…this has nothing to do with joy). In this phase, he spends his time cornering…I mean downright pestering friends and family members with a list of questions and comparisons that would put a high-ranking Nazi general to shame. In fact, these exchanges sound like an interrogation session.
This phase also comprises all internet sites where the product is so much as mentioned. Then he physically goes into the shops to look at the item and pester a couple of sales clerk some more. I know what you’re thinking by now…but Miss ‘FFiles’ this seems like a man with a good head on his shoulder…well it is not. It would have been if this whole information gathering was immediately followed by a decision to either buy or not buy said item. BUT NOT AT ALL. Instead, now starts the grueling process of torturing both himself and his loving wife by coming up with all sort of reasons why he should not and can not buy whatever he’s planning on buying. I swear the guy turns the whole thing into a math homework. I suspect it is the phase he enjoys the most though.
As an example, this conversation happened after an intense shopping session during which I impulsively bought close to 10 pieces of ‘bare essentials’ at Aritzia, with hubby’s generous contribution. I somehow feel the need to mention that there was a big sale going on and also I get very impulsive when it is very cold. Blame it on the sale and the weather, not me.
So we’re shopping and we bought some stuff for myself and now it’s hubby’s turn to get that item he’s been dreaming of…
Here we go:
Hubby: ”I don’t know if I should buy it…It is very difficult for me to buy stuff for myself…Plus I already have XYZ that does something similar…”
Me (falling into the trap like a wounded gazelle): ”Oh, C’mon now, you’ve been talking about this for so long …”
Hubby: ”Well, so much money..and let’s not forget we have XYZ bill coming up…”
Me: ”Yes but this money was part of your birthday gift…what’s the problem?”
Hubby: ”I don’t understand…it is so easy for me to buy stuff for the people I love though….”
Me: ”Well honey, in this case, I’ve been thinking…my new outfits need new shoes…we can always go back to the mall if that’s what’s blocking you…”
Hubby: ”C’mon..give me your honest opinion…”
Honest opinion!!?? How can I give him an honest opinion when I am literally being dragged down by a big bag of clothes he just bought me? So naturally, guilt forced me into being dishonest.
Me: ”Buy it! You deserve it!”
This goes on and on until, finally, he pulls out his cell phone, checks his bank balance, complains some more and then buys the item in question. Naturally, once he has the item in tow, buyer’s remorse kicks in immediately and we start the whole process once again. By now, you must be asking yourself why I do this to myself, why do I go shopping with him? Well, let’s just say I am good Samaritan and he is a generous contributor….
The F Files 