Accept the damn compliments and keep it moving!

“I am one of those people who can’t just accept a compliment and move on. I need to be creative by burying the other person under a pile of outrageous attributes that even a loving grandmother would have troubling believing”…

Yours truly, resident cheerleader of the year

Do you struggle to accept compliments? There could be several reasons. Maybe you have difficulties believing nice things about yourself? Maybe you have resident cheerleader syndrome, meaning you believe your job is to empower people with you of course being the enlightened one?

Here is an excerpt of a typical conversation between me and a female acquaintance:

Scenario 1:

A female colleague is wearing a nice skirt and I, resident cheerleader of the year rush in to sing her praise. As a true Libra I am proud to say we’ve raised cheerleading to an art form. Of course some less enlightened souls would call it relentless ass kissing (namely dear husband who firmly believes one should tell people the truth even if it means social suicide).

Me: “Oh my God! You look absolutely stunning in that skirt”.

Colleague:  “You think so?”

Me: “Yes!”

Coll.: “Not so sure…”

Me: “Of course! I mean look at you!”

Coll.: “Oh, I don’t know. It’s such an old thing…”

Me: “Listen, you look good okay?” I said realizing this could probably last the whole day and I still needed to earn a living. At this point my desire to wrap things up is really strong so I discreetly start looking for the nearest exit. But just then, she turns the whole thing upside down and gives ME a compliment.

Colleague: “Well, what about you, Missy?”

Me: “Yes, what about me?”

Coll.: “Well look at you, you’d look good in that skirt, unlike me!”

Me: “Ooooooh!!! You think so?”

Coll.: “Absolutely! With your perfect butt and all!”

Me: “Oh stop! I’d much prefer to have nice curvy hips like yours?”

Coll.: “Oh no! Why? Trust me you don’t need that in your life.”

Me: “Well, let me tell you when I gain weight I feel like my butt could serve as my personal calling card.”

Coll.: “Oh no! you have the perfect butt!”

Me: “Stop! You’re the prize, not me!”

Coll.: “Noooooo, you are the real deal!”

Me: “Nooooooo! You missy are the business!”

………..

 Well, in case you’re wondering we did manage to get some work done that day…

There’s also Scenario 2 where some people just gobble down the compliment like it’s part of your job description🙄.

All this aside, a lot of us do that. Why do we do that, though? We can’t just accept a compliment and move on. Sometimes you stop to give someone a quick compliment and end up spending the rest of the day trying to convince them you’re not crazy or blind.

What to say then? You could say: “Thank you, you’re so kind!” or “Thank you for noticing!”.

Notice how I am always trying to add something else after the “thank you”🤦🙋. I am afraid it’s time to put this on my list of things to get therapy for……

What about you dear readers? Do you or someone you know do that as well? I want to hear about it!

Gros bisoux and talk soon!

ON BUYING EXPENSIVE THINGS

“People are quick to mention what money can’t buy but what they fail to realize is poverty buys you nothing. Nyet, nada, zilt.”

It’s a known fact that people who can’t afford things are usually the first ones to get them simply to prove they can. I myself occasionally buy things that are so above budget I am afraid to used them! Like that time I bought that expensive cream and spent my time admiring it and basking in my so-called good taste without ever using it😎.

As a personal rule from my delusional consumer book, before buying anything expensive I usually go through a whole range of emotion that would qualify me as a first rate patient for the finest psychiatric ward. First the flagellation stage, I remind myself that I belong to that exclusive group of people who have no business buying expensive stuff because:

a) They ( 🙋🏿‍♀️) just swore to their husband this was the last time they’re spending hard-earned cash on the latest wrinkle-fighting (Insert Fraxel laser sprinkled with goat testicle powder type of facial nonsense🙄) and the poor guy believed me😔…

b) they’re supposed to be on an accelerated saving plan that have yet to materialize🤦🏿‍♀️because there is always something better to do with money like”hair botox”. To me ”Broke with good hair” sounds like a good investment for the future😜

These people (and yours truly is at the top of that list) should realize they’re poor and just stick to drinking their 8 cups of unpurified water instead of spending money they don’t have on the latest  facial and skin care gadget.

Next in my buying process I also do a bit of introspection, read a few philosophical quotes on happiness and money, call a couple of equally delusional friend to help me to further justify the purchase and then I go ahead and buy whatever it is anyway only to realize a few weeks later that my life have not properly changed.

Naturally dear husband is never involved in this buying process. He usually finds out during a major barely-used item clean-out and I make sure to look as surprised as he does….

Dear husband: “What is this? When did you get this?”

Me: (Looking shocked and hurt) “I don’t know! Why are you always asking me about new stuff?”

Dear husband: “Well, you’re the one hunting for stuff like a groundhog about to hibernate so yeah I am asking you!”

Me: “Well, honey, sometimes I hear voices in the house, stuff fall on the floor so there could be a third person living in the house for all we know.”

Dear husband: (...??!! With face showing clear signs of system failure…)

At this point he usually leaves the room so as not to compromise his reputation as a patient man and since I am an equally smart woman I usually avoid him for the next 12 hours. The thing is he’s not completely above any criticism himself because he has his own demons (You can read all about it Here ).

Look, I would love to count myself as the enlightened one who have discovered a way to live her best life without spending a dime but I am not at that stage yet and I doubt I’ll ever be or even want to be.

I now focus instead on investing where it will make a true difference. For example, instead of buying make up every time I see a pimple, I invest in facials, good skin care and quality food while monitoring my stress level. While spending money I try to also focus on the quality of things instead of quantity and that helps a bit.

What about you, dear readers, what do you spend the most money on? How do you make your purchases count? Please do share🙃

 

A perfect wedding anniversary at Hogan and Beaufort

August the 20th was our wedding anniversary!!! It’s already been 3 years since we’ve been married. How time flies.

In fact, you can read all about our first date HERE .

Looking back it’s still the best decision I’ve ever made. Some things never change though like me hating surprises and dear husband insisting on surprising me🙄(no, I am not an ungrateful little person. Well, maybe?). So, like I was saying: I hate surprises with a passion. Particularly on special occasions and hubby knows this but still, he keeps on trying. I want to know in advance so I can plan my bragging, makeup, outifts, photoshoots and such. So, a week before our wedding anniversary, I casually asked him about planning something. He acted vague and uninterested which immediately tipped me off. Naturally, I spent that week casually dropping hint left and right. On the Jour J, the minute our car turned into a certain street I just knew we were going back to Hogan and Beaufort.

To tell you the truth, the last time we went there we were kindly gifted a 100 dollars gift certificate by a precious friend of ours and even with that factored in, we almost had a heart attack when the bill came. Dear husband in particular, considering the poor man was the one footing the bill at the time. Of course, I was equally shocked but a more moderate version of shock….like, you know, the shock of someone who’s not expected to foot the bill. So here we go.

First the entree: It was called something, something carrot (I am clearly not a food critic). With such portioning, I wouldn’t be surprised if a pack of carrot last them an entire season. As you can see, a glouton like myself is clearly not ready for high-class dining. We were explained in great details by the server that the carrot used in that dish comes from a long line of well-behaved carrot grown with great care and utmost attention. It’s like each plate came with a resume. After the server’s intro, I felt very proud and chosen to find myself in front of a carrot with such a distinguished pedigree.

“As usual, the entrée was so small, it looked like a portion you’d give someone who just underwent gastric bypass surgery.”

Then came “Le plat de resistance” and I am sad to say we demolished it like two walking deads feasting on animal remains. I am also very proud to say we took nice pics before digging in so we’re not complete savages.

Before..
After…

We ordered a side of pasta (forgot what kind they were) and I kid you not, there were 4 little pastas in the entire dish. One could easily have mistaken them for big worms.

The last time we ordered dessert, but this time we didn’t. Instead we finished the night with two pieces of cake from Rockaberry a place specialized in cheese cake of all sorts and solely responsible for most of my weight gain of the past few months😔. And then we continued watching Grimm on Netflix. A truly perfect wedding anniversary💕.

Thank you for passing by and Bisous 💋!

 

MY CARB OBSESSION: It’s a culture thing

Rice, quinoa, sweet potatoes, yams…Dear God will I ever be free from these temptations? I think not….my very DNA is against it.

My husband and I we often have discussions about carbs, specifically my carb obsession (Rice and quinoa all day and every day: sign me up for life please). As a Haitian, it’s safe to say carbs, specifically rice is part of my DNA. For my husband it’s not the same. He’s French, his obsessions look more like cheese and french baguette and so on. Which doesn’t bother me, Lord knows I’ve sacrificed a few pair of jeans to his cheese obsession. When we got together I was long and lean, now I am more of a “chubby fit” type. The problem with being chubby fit is there’s not much “fit” into the equation: It is mostly fat.

To be perfectly honest I sometimes find his attitude towards rice quite disrespectful :). Like that time he wanted to make a rice salad with mostly salad??!!! I simply had to have a talk with him:

-Me: “What are you doing?”

– Husband: “I am rinsing the rice with cold water”.

–  Me: …???!!!! (You could actually hear system failure sounds on my side…)

– Husband: “Well, honey, it’s a rice salad so I am rinsing the rice to get rid of the starch.”

–  Me: “Ok, let me get this right: First of all you throw the rice in hot water, then you go again and splash the rice with cold water and just when the poor suffering rice was starting to recover from the abuse, you slap it into a large bowl and proceed to bury it under an insane load of veggies like…like some dirty shameful little secret. “

-Husband: “….???!!!”

-Me: “Quite frankly from where I stand, it’s as if you’re trying to make it look like the rice wasn’t even there… do you realize the rice is doing all the work with no credit?”

Husband: “..??!!! ” (I could see he was debating whether I was on my period or not…)

-Husband:  “Well, this is how a rice salad is made, so…”

-Me: “No, no, no, if there’s rice somewhere, the rice needs to be the star of the show. Period.”

He looked at me like you would someone in need of a heavy dose of sedative. I looked at him like you would a two year old who just bit his playmate: With eyes filled with compassion and a clear promise of punishment.

Although you do know it’s normal two year old behavior, you also know this cannot go unnoticed. So you bite your tongue. You resist committing murder and you walk them through normal human behavior. Which is exactly what I did for dear husband. He wasn’t entirely convinced after it all but as an intelligent individual he did realize the need to thread carefully in the presence of a high strung (read hormonally unbalanced) individual  with a carb obsession.

I must admit I get heated and unnaturally excited when rice or any type of grain comes under fire. If that continues I may have to add some sort of rice routine to our foreplay…:)

The thing is where I come from rice is the sun that never goes down. In Haiti, if you have a full pantry and you have no rice, you have nothing to eat. Your pantry is automatically considered empty.  It is a culture thing.

What about you, dear reader? Is there any food that is so ingrained in your culture it literally became part of your DNA? Let me know in the comments below! Talk soon and Bisous!

When somebody you love does something truly disgusting.

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“The face you make when you’re trying to act like it didn’t happen.”

Last week my niece called me at work in the middle of the afternoon. My heart skipped a bit and my mind automatically went into overdrive: Something terrible must have happened. Did something terrible happened? OMG! Something terrible did happen….(Yeah as you can see I have issues…🙄😂).

Me: “Are you all right?”

Niece: “Yes, of course!”

Me: “Then why are you calling me in the middle of the day at work?”

She never calls me mid-day weekdays. She either calls me early morning while walking her dog Yuki or late at night. Never in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday.”

Niece:” Don’t worry, nobody died! But guess what?”

Me: “What? Spit it out!”

Niece: “Yuki just ate a dead rat.”

Me: “Ewww! Yuki is badass! I am both disgusted and impressed.”

It’s like learning somebody you took for granted cheated. You’re both disgusted and secretly impressed.

Niece: “Don’t say that! I am horrified and traumatized. I’ll never look at her the same ever again”.

(Soft dramatic music playing…😂😌)

Me: “I understand. It’s like overhearing your preteen talk about sex. Something is lost that can never be recovered.”

Niece: “OMG! That’s exactly how I feel!”

Me: ” But where would she find a dead rat though?”

Niece: “We were walking on the beach when we saw the dead rat. Before I knew it she lunges forward, grabs it and run. I tried to stop her but she ran away from me. Can you believe it? The little rascal ran away from me!”

Me: “Makes sense….maybe she didn’t want to share.”

Niece: “Don’t joke with that! I am worried!”

Me: “Sorry. Did you call the vet?”

Niece:” Yeah, she said it’ll pass through her poop or vomit. Plus she has a checkup coming up soon so we’ll see…”

She sounded so disappointed at this point and I am trying hard not to laugh.

Niece: “Can’t believe she did that, I am truly horrified!”

Me: “Very disappointing. After all the money you spent teaching her to be human.”

Niece: “I know…..Well I got to go to work now. Talk to you later?”

Me: “Sure! Let me know how it goes and don’t worry, she’ll be fine!”

Apparently Yuki just got her first taste of crime. Just like most people she did not personally commit the crime, she simply benefited from it 😋. I’ll admit Yuki’s not the only one. After learning she was gonna be all right, I immediately hurried to ask for a pic of the rascal for my next blog🤫🙄.

The thing is we all have felt the same in some way when somebody we love and thought we knew displays an offending behavior revealing a side of themselves we either didn’t know existed or refuse to acknowledge. And in that moment we think we’ll never forgive and forget but we do. Love takes over. Not all the time but sometimes it does.

What about you dear reader? When was the last time somebody you love and trust did something truly disgusting. And it doesn’t have to be a pet! Let me know in the comments and Gros bisoux!

So what if it has already been done before?

“It’s about taking chances, growth and overcoming.

Last Sunday I had an interesting conversation with dear husband on the subject of doing things that have already been done before. That day, I’d just had one of the most productive afternoon (during which I edited a blog post The challenges of being an introvert. ) and tackled other content related stuff. Naturally, I just couldn’t wait to get home and receive duly praise:

Me: “I had such a productive day today! It felt so good to finally tackle some stuff.”

Dear husband: “I am so proud of you, honey! You’ve got this! You just need to keep going.”

Naturally, with such an overwhelmingly positive reception I proceeded to overextend myself by making grand plans to take over the world in the next 48 hours🙄🤯.

Me: “Thank you honey! I am also planning on posting more often say like twice a week and maybe add some type of style content to the blog. We’ll see!”

DH: Complete silence. The sort of polite and respectful silence you’d give a dying patient making plans for the future. 

Me: “Hello?!! What do you think?”

DH: “You mean like a What I wore today kind of thing? Everybody’s doing that!”

Me: “Well, would you prefer I do a what I did not wear today instead?” I said frustrated.

DH: “Well, I am sorry for interrupting your world domination plans with a dose of reality but somebody’s got to be the voice of reason in all this!”

Me: “Right now, you’re sounding more like the voice of doom!”

DH: “All am saying is you have something good here so tick with it. Don’t chase too many things at once.”

Vexed and irritated, I retrieved into an honorable silence to lick my wounds. 

The man does have a point considering I’ve been known for getting overly excited and then quickly dropping into sudden desperation. BUT on the other hand…

There’s absolutely nothing new under the sun. Most everything have all been done before and done to death. Should that stop you and me from engaging in something we may possibly end up loving? Certainly not! Easier said than done, I know😅.

“Sometimes it’s difficult to be original from the get go and find the right angle from the outside, so we should get into the habit of getting involved in things that interest us and cultivate them with no expectation other than learning and having fun. Detachment from the outcome is key here.”

Last but not least, we must remember that it hasn’t been done until we’ve done it (Insert smug and overbearing emoji here). 

Fun fact: Sex is one thing that has been done and done to death yet this has never stopped anyone from indulging…🤫

What about you, dear readers? Have you gone through a similar thing? How did you handle it? Please share! Gros bisoux and talk soon!🐍😘

The challenges of being an introvert.

“Contrary to most people I don’t go out to meet people, I go out to be alone. My husband thinks it’s troubling. I think it’s a sign of great intelligence🙄.”

Me and dear husband we get along quite well but the longer we’ve been together, the more I realize how different we are on a lot of things. At first look I’d say I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. He likes being around people and I am more into pointed interactions (My husband says it’s a nice way of saying “I am antisocial”). Consequently finding a common ground can be quite challenging and makes for very interesting interactions…

Exhibit A: Me getting ready to go out on a Saturday morning.

Dear husband: “You’re going out to meet a friend? Cool!”

Me: “No, not really.”

DH: “Why not? Call a friend or something…”

Me:  “Why? I just want to be alone”.

DH: “Why go out then? Just lock yourself up in the basement and you’ll be all alone”.

Me: “No, I won’t. Because you’ll come knocking and bug me.”

DH: ” I am not sure how I should take this….”

Me: “Plus, unlike you I don’t need people to enjoy myself!”

DH: “Yeah..and that’s the scary part.”

Feeling like an alien, I then proceed to try and justify my behavior.

Me: “Well, I guess it’s a way of being social without having to interact with people…”

DH: “Not sure if you realize it but being social sort of implies having actual interactions with people.”

Exhibit B: Dear husband comes home all excited because he and some friends have planned some kind of couple outing.

Dear husband: “We’ve been invited!”

Me: “But why? Who did that?”

DH: “You’re saying it like somebody committed a crime or something?”

The last time we had that same discussion, he won so I remained silent.

DH: “Ok, you’re clearly not excited about the prospect. How about we invite them here?”

I don’t answer. I look as overwhelmed as a new mom who’s just given birth to quadruplets.

Me: “It’s gonna be worse! We’re gonna have to be nice and let them stay for however long they want…”

DH: “Well, you could try throwing them out…”

Me: “That would be one way of making sure they don’t come back….”

DH: “!!!??????” Clear signs of system failure showing on his face…🤯

I am not gonna lie, being an introvert comes with its own sets of blessings and challenges. I sometimes think I’ll end up as an old insufferable cat lady who spends her time mumbling to herself😂. What about you dear readers? Are you an introvert or an extrovert? What do you find most challenging? Please share! Gros bisoux and talk soon!🐍😋

Happy New Year 2020!!!

Happy New Year to all my readers and followers. I wish all of you success, health and happiness. I thank you for all the likes and follows. You guys are the reason I keep on writing!

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I was about to do the usual New Year resolution post when dear husband mentioned that 2020 will be the beginning of a new decade. That  gave me pause and forced me to realize that 10 years have just gone by. Can’t say I am wiser but I am definitely older.

If you think a lot can happen in one year. Think about what can happen in 10. Life can change drastically in 10 years. Let’s see what happened in my case. What are the highlights of the past 10 years:

I met my now husband. You can read all about our first outing here: My first time…First dates and the lies we tell

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We Bought a home 

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Got married. You can read about the highs and lows here: THE MELTDOWNS

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Going on our fifth year together (Surprise! I haven’t killed Mr. foot in mouth!!)

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A few thoughts that have been on my mind for the past decade….

Find a career you won’t want to retire from

I think you’re out of your mind if you keep taking jobs that you don’t like because you think it will look good in your resume. Isn’t that a little like saving up sex for your old age?     

Warren Buffet

Considering the way the world is going right now, most of us may have to drop dead before we’re able to retire so the real goal is to find an occupation we can happily drop dead in. The way to do that is to cultivate our interests. Not all of them will necessary lead to something but some of them may surprisingly end up as side hustles.

Not all changes are painful

Sometimes we’ve been so used to the struggle we automatically assume every change is going to be painful. The thing is change is like old age, it comes for everybody no matter how talented you get at avoiding it. When the time comes, the change will find us wherever we are.

Your life may be someone’s dream life so don’t knock it!

I can assure you: Someone somewhere is dreaming of a life just like the one you have right now. Nobody’s truly happy every second of the way no matter how happy they look on Instagram. Nobody’s got it all. Sometimes we look at someone who looks like they have the perfect career, perfect husband topped with perfect children only to learn they left with the neighbor a few years down the road. Somebody whom you think have it all is probably looking at you green with envy thinking the same thing.

Don’t squander time, invest it only in people and things that matter

When you’re winning at something, you’re probably losing at something else. When you’re successful in one area of your life, the time you’re allocating to that specific area of your life is probably taking time away from another area of your life. So don’t squander time, invest it in people and things that truly matter to you. The answer would be to figure out what’s the most important to you and stick to it. How? Personally I try to picture myself on my death bed and think about the main regrets I would have. It really helps me to streamline my wants and aspirations to pull out the ones that really matters. Surprisingly, the answers are not the ones I was expecting.

Things don’t get easy just because you’ve found your passion.

Do what you love but be prepared to find excruciating, backbreaking, limb-shattering hard work hiding behind it.  There is lot of what you hate hiding behind what you love. So the lesson is you can’t escape hard work no matter how much you love what you do.

To this year and many more dear readers! Gros Bisoux and a Happy New Year 2020!

We all have that one item of clothing

Winter is firmly here. It’s been getting so cold so fast here in Montreal I’ve officially abandoned all dignity and desire to look human in the quest for warmth. I now will wear anything provided it’ll keep me warm, I don’t care if I look like a pregnant mouse. Which brings me to that very potent truth: We all have that one piece of clothing which makes us look like crap that we just can’t seem to be able to get rid of. Mine is a green coat. It is so padded, it could serve as an anti-nuclear shelter.

“When I wear that coat in wintertime it’s not unusual for people to offer me their seats in the subway probably thinking of me as a pregnant lady in great need of a seat.”

Every year, at the end of every Winter I swear I am going to donate it to charity. Yet every year, at the beginning of every Winter I gently pull it out of the back of the closet covered in shame and embarrassment. It has now become an inside joke between me and dear husband.

Dear husband: “I see the mattress is back…”

Me: ” Well, it’s just for today….it’s so cold so soon…besides the name has changed.”

Dear husband: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, really….this entire look is now called the expensive dumpling look.”

Dear husband: “Wait! I have a better name for it!”

He’s so excited to come up with a fun name he doesn’t notice that if looks could kill, he’d be lying on the floor swimming in his own blood already…

Dear husband: “Wait for it: The walking mattress!”

Only the thought of going back to a dating site with the extra weight I’ve gained in the past two years kept me from murdering him…I remained silent for a good while hoping he’ll noticed he’s not exactly winning points here even if I was the one who started the name calling. Finally some sense seemed to have got into him.

Me: ” C’mon don’t be mad! You’re the one who started this??!!!”

Me: “Just because I started it doesn’t mean you have to finish it (Insert overly emotional person on their period emoji here, I’ll wait). Besides, as I told you countless times, this should serve as a signal for you to start showering me with compliments! “

Dear husband: “!!????” Clear signs of system failure showing on his face…

The poor man can’t win, I know. One thing though, there are three people I would not want to meet while wearing this very special piece of clothing: My ex, my ex’s girlfriend and my worst enemy. Why? Because I believe in winning, God damn it! Which is why I usually keep the hood down when I wear it to prevent face recognition.

Lately I’ve been pushed into a more sporty chic vibe in an effort to steer clear of the dumpling look and migrate more towards the healthy spring roll look. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don’t. When my hormones are properly fed I somehow manage to look like a healthy veggie spring roll. But when it’s that time of the month and my hormones are raging I definitely look like a dumpling. I must admit I was never one to sacrifice comfort for pretty. Although my husband would swear the contrary.

What about you dear readers? What is that one item of clothing you hate but somehow keep wearing? Please do share!